Coconut Twin Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Hi, Know some of you want to know what happened regarding meeting with the ex.. It didn't go well. Was nice to see him, he seemed very please to see me, gave me a big hug which seemed to last for ages. I thought a surge of feelings would come as soon I saw his face, but not really...Anyway, to see an old face was nice. We started off by catching up then I just let him take the reigns and speak. He mentioned us, where he thought it wrong and then went on to say that I "lacked work ethic"?!!! ok, now the calm me was thinking no, not going to stand for that, but I let it slide. For the record, I have worked continously throughout my whole life, whether it's freelance or just your general office based stuff. It just so happens that when I was him, I had lost my job - BRIEFLY. He on the other hand wasn't working when I met him, nor was he talking about finding a job when we were together but this wasn't a dealbreaker and never really has been as long as you can contribute in some way, shape or form. Daddy bought him a 2 bedroom flat in the heart of London, dad would send him money if he needs tiding over. He rents it out his flat and that's how he lives. Good for him but i wasn't fortunate to have minted parents to do that for me. So, that statement hit a button. Then I responded saying that sometimes things like this happen, and he knew I was actively seeking work everyday, going to interviews etc. He then went on to say that he doesn't want me to become a liability, we should be responsible - and I agree with that, but I was only out of work for 3 weeks! Then he said, he still 'loves me' but what if I loose another job, it's a gamble for him, that if I loose a job again then what's going to happen.... I asked him if he was giving me an ultimatum - he didn't say anything, just stared in my eyes but I didn't recognise him at that point. Then I said, if it's a gamble then you're not worthy of me. Then I just let rip, I said something a long the lines of not everybody is lucky enough to not work and rent out a flat that daddy bought them, not everyone stays in the same job forever, sometimes things change and if you can't accept and adapt, if we can't work together as a mature couple then you're not worth my time , and I could do far better. To hammer the last nail in the coffin of this doomed relationship, I said that I didn't have to come and meet him that day, I had better things to do with my time, that I hadn't really missed him and was pretty much nearly over him... (noticed his eyes watering), and literally before he muttered anything, I ran to my bicycle got on it and rode as fast I can to the nearest pub and immersed myself in the raucousness of the England match, drank way to many ciders but glad I did it. Didn't call him back, don't care what he thinks. It's done. He came off like he was giving me ultimatums, and as soon as someone starts hinting that crap, I'll disappear - and I did. Sorry guys, I know you were expecting some kind of fairytale romance but the reality is, we ain't compatible. Weirdly, the moment i entered the pub afterwards, I thought of my ex ex who loved his football and realised, God, I can't even go and watch the footy with this dude anyways what's that about? I'm not hurt but I'm glad I really know there is no chance. I actually felt like a dumped him this time round! So yea, I actually feel good today, this is really and truly a fresh start, no what if's anymore and i actually feel like i've taken a step forward in moving on.. phew. Feel like a huge weight has lifted off my chest!!! So guys, if you're wishing for that ex to contact, trust me it's not that great, rather find someone new, start a fresh and don't look back - THEY ARE EX'S FOR A REASON. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brickheart Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Thanks for posting! I'm happy for you - sounds like you got the closure you needed in this relationship. Too bad we can't all have such success stories! I'm also glad you didn't fool yourself into thinking you could be together again. I hope I can be that strong if this situation arises for me in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coconut Twin Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 Cheers love. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pnoy Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Well done to you for standing your ground you can and will do better than him xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Nicely done --- I think it worked out the way it was supposed to.....and his "projecting" financial unsuitability on you is just absurd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coconut Twin Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 Thank you Mhowe! I think it's also "absurd" and quite rude really. I actually began feeling disgust and sorry for him towards the end and I don't know why I wasted energy meeting up with BUT it is a blessing because now I don't have to wonder what if anymore.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RFB Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Thank you Mhowe! I think it's also "absurd" and quite rude really. I actually began feeling disgust and sorry for him towards the end and I don't know why I wasted energy meeting up with BUT it is a blessing because now I don't have to wonder what if anymore.. I'm sorry it didn't go better for you but at least now you can move forward with a clear mind. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Thank you Mhowe! I think it's also "absurd" and quite rude really. I actually began feeling disgust and sorry for him towards the end and I don't know why I wasted energy meeting up with BUT it is a blessing because now I don't have to wonder what if anymore.. What I don't get, and it truly bears little thought, is why did he send lyrics and why did he want to meet. To tell you the break up was a good idea? Again, the realm of the truly absurd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transmit Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 It sounds like you've been doing great for yourself and he hasn't matured one bit. The time apart has only reinforced why the breakup was a good idea. Good on you for confirming that, and being stronger than him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnysideupx Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 He is in for a rude awakening if he thinks hes going to find a relationship with anyone where there wont be situations such as one of you losing a job. Its life, these things happen, people lose jobs, people lose family members, people get ill, people have arguments with friends, with relatives, with bosses, with co-workers, people suffer from stress, from depression, and so on and so on and so on! The whole point of being with someone is to weather these storms together, so good for you for the way you reacted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brickheart Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 BUT it is a blessing because now I don't have to wonder what if anymore.. Yes! Seriously, I think you got the best kind of closure a broken relationship can have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Nicely done --- I think it worked out the way it was supposed to.....and his "projecting" financial unsuitability on you is just absurd. I agree with mhowe. Good job, Cranny. I'm glad you gave him your feedback. He may learn a thing or two about relationships. How does he know he'll never be without a job? I actually feel good today, this is really and truly a fresh start, no what if's anymore and i actually feel like i've taken a step forward in moving on.. phew. Feel like a huge weight has lifted off my chest! It sounds like this meeting has helped to put things in perspective and set you on solid ground for moving in a positive direction. We can keep shooting star's tee shirts (the ones that say Choose CrannyFadock). Never throw your self-esteem or integrity away for another person. (I mean that "you" in a universal sense, not only you CF, but all of us.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chitown9 Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 The whole point of being with someone is to weather these storms together, so good for you for the way you reacted. Yes, it is this exactly. Life does doe not guarantee wine and roses. It is how a couple manages the troublesome times that produces long term marriages..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Yes, it is this exactly. Life does doe not guarantee wine and roses. It is how a couple manages the troublesome times that produces long term marriages..... If it did, I would surely sign up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
90_hour_sleep Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 nicely done, cranny remember this post. sometimes we forget. remember. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quirky Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Wow, last thing I expected. Very strange. I can't even understand why he wanted to meet up. Sounds like he can't cope with any difficulties..I mean 3 weeks without work? That's nothing. Just a thought..Maybe it was a projection of his OWN insecurity as in 'I'm on/off from work, if you are as well then who's gonna provide the stability?'. I remember replying to one of your past threads and I told you how you'll probably get your moment to speak back and so it happened. I'm so glad for you going to the footy and having a drink Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturnlily Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 This is one of the most important lessons anyone could learn about going NC (I'm not sure if you did, but we'll say you did ) and wanting to get back with an ex. When you go NC you need to find your self worth so that if things go down like this, you know that you deserve so much more. That's not to say that all break ups should have to be forever. It just gives you the wisdom and the confidence to know when it should be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dunfalma Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 I think he wanted to meet up to get an ego stroke/feel better about the fact that you werent over him? Anyways glad you know you are so much better than that crap - onwards and upwards! Now you know he hasn't changed/won't change and will always try to deny responsibility for his actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Exactly. OP went in w/ a clear heart, listened to what turned out to be drivel -- stated her boundaries, her standards, and walked away .....and went out and had fun....she didn't go home crying in her tea. I, for one, say "bravo". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coconut Twin Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 Thank You for ALL the ongoing support!! I really and truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. Wow, I dno't know you guys in person but you all feel like friends...going to cry (or maybe its the PMT... ) And shooting star, wherever you are, I still want the 'Choose Cranny' t shirt haha! Journey Now, thanks for the wise words and Mhowe for your insight! Saturn, Dunfalma, 90 hours and all of yous, I hear you and am grateful. Cheers. Quirky, weird isn't it? I remember that post, never thought I'd see the day though, never thought I'd handle it this well also, and I agree that it is a projection of what's not going well in his life, and trust me there was too much to mention. I just thought he'd be the bigger person and accept that things aren't always going to be perfect...but anyway. What's done is done. And England!! They played well ay?? Was electric last night, well until it came to the penalty shoot out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Sorry guys, I know you were expecting some kind of fairytale romance well the fairy tale was that our princess cranny had a smile on her face at the end of it ...and that's what we got of course I am sorry it went this way ... I am pretty damned disgusted with the finance/job stuff but more than anything I am proper proud of you bird x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coconut Twin Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 Thank you love!! Big smacker on the lips coming your way!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Cranny, I haven't responded to your threads about this situation till now, but I just wanted to concur with the others and say how proud you should be of how you handled this. The way you responded to your ex shows maturity, self-awareness, and, most importantly, self-respect. When I first read your thread about how he'd e-mailed you, I thought, "Hmmm...this sounds like one of the cases that might work out!" It takes a lot for me to say that, as I tend to be of the opinion that the majority of break-ups are and should be permanent, but this was one that I thought MIGHT work. However, your ex has proven that he isn't the guy for you. Anyone who would take three weeks of unemployment as a reason to be concerned about being in a relationship is NOT living in the real world at all. What if HE loses HIS job? What if one of you gets ill? What if your house burns down? (God forbid!) If he can't handle his partner being unemployed for a few weeks, he's got serious issues. He lives in a fantasy world where life goes smoothly, without any bumps or hitches, and relationships are perfect and nothing bad happens to either partner. He'd better get over that quickly, or he's going to find himself alone forever! Anyway, bravo to you...you handled yourself like a smart, confident, self-aware, self-respecting woman. You will find someone much better when the time is right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marconi68 Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Well done, Cranny. People who are giving things on a plate can't really relate to real work or the real world. Daddy will always wipe his a***. Was your ex called Tarquin or Gideon by any chance? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coconut Twin Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 Hey thanks lady! Wow these words make my heart melt...God I'm soppy fool today, must be that time of the month..I can feel it lol. I really appreciate your comments. It's true, I do feel there were things he needed to deal with within himself and I hope he sorts that out otherwise he may never be happy with anyone. Things don't always go perfect but the sign of a strong relationship is to be able to pull together and weather the storm. Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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