bmin7511 Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Am I allowed to message a girl that I use to hang out with? She showed interest in me and I ended up asking her out. We were having a good time (went out about 4-5 times...she even asked me to stay over one night), then we stopped talking for a while. I ended up getting upset with her because I thought she was avoiding me. Turned out she was really busy with friends and family stuff and I kinda feel bad for over re-acting. When I appolgized to her the next morning, she said it was her fault for not messaging, that she "may not" be ready for a relationship and said it may be best if we move on. Its been about a month now..I have had no contact with her (I thought I would give her time and space). I wouldn't mind at least talking to her again (she is cool, we had somethings in common and we both felt an attraction to each other). If you were me, would you message her and say Hi (keep it very simple), or would you just drop it? Like I said earlier, I feel an attraction...but at the same time, I don't want to be pushy and she said she didn't want to pursue anything (I don't know if that's true or she just said that because I over-reacted). Maybe start over as friends and take it from there.... Thoughts please! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperDuper Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 First off, I don't think you should view it as being "allowed" to message her. She'd be the only one to tell you if you're allowed... and even then I don't think it's a big issue. With that said, if I were in your shoes then I'd weigh up the pros/cons of pursuing her. Is the attraction worth the risk of pushing her away more? Are you capable of being legitimate friends first? Girls don't like it when you're faking a friendship with hidden hopes for something more. I don't see an issue with sending her a "Hey, it's been awhile... a few of us are going to _____ you should join". If it's a social setting, and you don't show clingy/relationship vibes, then it should be fine. Just have fun and be yourself, appreciate her company and don't have major expectations -- at least don't voice them too soon, because as you know this might turn her away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dead3 Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 If you have legit feelings for this girl, then what is the harm in trying? Since you both aren't communicating anyway, there really isn't anything to lose. She is either interested or she isn't. The only way you will know that is by opening up communication again. Whether that be inviting her to get together with friends, or out for coffee for the two of you, I say do it. I agree though that you should be honest with your intentions from the get go. Don't waste your time and hers by pretending you just want to be friends. If you two do end up going out somewhere, I would suggest doing something sober since you over-reacted the last time and want to remain in control your emotions this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmin7511 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 Thanks for the reply. Either way...I will take a couple of more days to think about it to make sure im doing the right thing. I still am not too sure how to go about re-opening communication with her again since its been a month now. How would she react if I msg her? When I initally confronted her about ignoring me and questioned if she even wanted to still talk to me anymore, she said that she thought I was getting too attached, and that I shouln't have said anything at all because we only went out about 4-5 times. I now realized my error and probably spoke too soon... I don't want to push her away, again. At the same time, convince her that im not hung up on her and that we should try the friendship thing and see where it leads. Any suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dead3 Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 It sounds to me like you don't just want to be her friend, you want more. If your intentions are more than friends, then don't play it off like friends is what you want. She will see right through that. However, you don't have to go right into date mode either. Maybe try something similar to " hey, want to grab a cup of coffee and catch up sometime?". I say it is pretty non-threatening. Whatever you do, write a very brief message and don't over think it. How she will react depends on the person she is, where she is at in her life, and what she feels about your time together. A month really isn't that long of a time, so I wouldn't worry about it. Take time to think about it, but just don't over think it. That is what got you in trouble in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmin7511 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 Thanks again for the advice... Yes u are right...I shouldn't rush it and I will take some more time to think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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