I thought I was over it but I guess I'm not... (found out ex is getting married)

[timetochange]

I just found out from a friend a little while ago that my ex is getting officially engaged today. It's completely taken me by surprise and where I thought I was letting go and moving on and healing.... I just can't stop crying and thinking it should have been me.

 

Just abit of a background, we split up six months ago after a beautiful relationship. He told me he couldn't be with me as his parents would never accept me since I'm not the same religion as him. Although I disagreed with him, I respected his decision and thought how giving he was. When he split up with me, I said to have no contact but he wanted to remain friends. I said it would be hard and I can't bear seeing him get married before me. At that point he said he wouldn't be getting married until another 18-24 months at least since there was no girl on the show. We ended up having an unofficial relationship until mid February and after that point he stopped calling and distanced himself. We met two times since then and it was purely platonic, just like friends are.

 

I can't help but wonder whether the girl he is getting engaged to today was with him when we were together. It seems so sudden. His only really been officially single since mid-Feb. That's just over four months. I am also hurting as he only texted me on Thursday to see how I am. I responded casually as friends do and didn't really react to it. He responded back telling me what he's getting up to. Why didn't he tell me at this point he was getting engaged? What did he think I would do? I would have only congratulated him.

 

I should be happy for him but I'm not. I'm jealous and angry and hurt and it's not right to have such feelings. I don't know why it's affecting me so much. Maybe because I thought he might change his mind? Or that everything he told me when we were together just seems a lie now. I don't know how to get over this and can't deal with my emotions right now. I actually do feel like going over to his place now.

[Ronke12]

Sorry you are going through this. Just wondering: Would you have converted to his religion? Did that discussion ever come up? Since he is engaged to this girl so quickly, maybe the religion thing wasnt the only reason for your breakup. I think going over to his house right now, feeling the way that you do, would be a bad idea. I think its time to start NC and the healing process -- it will slow down your healing to remain in contact with him knowing he's engaged and having all these questions for him.

[SouthernGirly]

I've been in a similar situation. Dated a guy, he disappeared on 6.6.06 (no joke, the omen came out that day in theaters) all of a sudden he wasn't returning my calls (and he had a heart condition and seizures soooo I was nervous something had happened to him) so yeah I'm freaking out and then realized ya know what was really going on, adn conveniently a girl messaged me (since he had my screenname on his b uddy info) to see who i was, and thought I was a guy (my name can be agirl or guys name) and we were talking and I explaine dto her the REAL deal. eventaunteually got online after realizing this and we talked and he laid it all out for me. It was unbearable. THEN 8 months later I'm on a date, and who calls, HIM wanting to catch up saying he'd been engaged, etc. and wanted to start over, or pick up where we left off. I couldnt' do it. It was too painful. so I had to say no and let it go. 3 weeks/1 month later...he's married and has been married since. Did it hurt? YEAH! But he was always talking about needing to get married, so it haunted me over the years because it was hurtful butI'm over it.

[Lambert]

 

I should be happy for him but I'm not. I'm jealous and angry and hurt and it's not right to have such feelings. I don't know why it's affecting me so much. Maybe because I thought he might change his mind? Or that everything he told me when we were together just seems a lie now. I don't know how to get over this and can't deal with my emotions right now. I actually do feel like going over to his place now.

 

I think this is expecting to much from yourself... it hasn't been that long. and I think it's pretty normal how you are feeling. I would not contact him or go to his house. You have no idea what he is doing or has going on. It sounds like a rebound. but you don't know that. You do really want to be the ex girlfriend that showed up the day Grandpa proposed to Grandma? or however the story ends up on his end?

 

Work on healing yourself. This is a jagged little pill to swallow. I'd lay low and never contact him again. The less said the better. If he is going to marry her, stay out of it. Why put yourself through the drama.

 

Im sorry you are going through this. it stinks... post here and lean on your friends. You will get through it. And you will be glad you took the classy exit.

 

Hugs!

[chickydoodle]

It is his loss; his choice to marry someone for all the wrong reasons.....

You have more of a chance of finding happiness in life than he does.

Would you really want someone who is capable of toying with your heart the way he did? Dont you deserve better?

It may all be a 'blessing in disguise'. Perhaps you have been saved from being with someone less than you deserve.

I understand your pain and inability to accept and let go - but you must or you will drag out the torture for longer than is necessary.

I hope time will eanable you to heal , sooner rather than later....

(Big Hug ) - stay strong and dignified.

[timetochange]

Thank you all for your wonderful and kind replies - so greatly appreciated. I did not go to his house, just went out for a walk. I had not eaten all day and was almost faint when I came home. Never thought in a million years an ex would affect me like this (I eat all the time!).

 

Sorry you are going through this. Just wondering: Would you have converted to his religion? Did that discussion ever come up? Since he is engaged to this girl so quickly, maybe the religion thing wasnt the only reason for your breakup. I think going over to his house right now, feeling the way that you do, would be a bad idea. I think its time to start NC and the healing process -- it will slow down your healing to remain in contact with him knowing he's engaged and having all these questions for him.

 

Thank you Ronke12. I told him I can only convert if I find out more about his religion (which I did eventually) but can't promise because for me converting to a different religion for love is wrong. If I convert, it has to be because I believe in the religion. He told me he didn't want me to convert but did say if I was the same as him, it would be alot easier. I also think that our breakup wasn't just over religion now, if at all. Would explain why he was so admant in me not converting. I also think his parents would have been okay with it. Always thought religion would have been a problem from my side although I was prepared to fight it out with my parents so was taken by surprise when he gave that excuse.

 

If I start NC - should I tell him that I don't want any contact anymore and that I know he's getting married. Should I not ask any questions either? I really want to let this go, I really do but I can't get it out of my head that I won't find anyone better especially because our relationship was so great. I just can't stop wishing that was me.

 

 

I think this is expecting to much from yourself... it hasn't been that long. and I think it's pretty normal how you are feeling. I would not contact him or go to his house. You have no idea what he is doing or has going on. It sounds like a rebound. but you don't know that. You do really want to be the ex girlfriend that showed up the day Grandpa proposed to Grandma? or however the story ends up on his end?

 

Thank you for being so understanding. *hugs* I am glad I didn't go to his house afterall but I feel like I'm going mad. It explains his sudden no contact since mid-Feb but I just wish he'd told me and not wait for me to hear from someone else. Especially considering he was messaging me one day before his engagement! He managed to update me on everything else going on with his life, how could you possibly forget to mention you were getting engaged the next day?

 

I have suddenly had this heath of questions pop up today and I was doing so well getting over him. I don't know what's come over me.

 

 

It is his loss; his choice to marry someone for all the wrong reasons.....

You have more of a chance of finding happiness in life than he does.

Would you really want someone who is capable of toying with your heart the way he did? Dont you deserve better?

It may all be a 'blessing in disguise'. Perhaps you have been saved from being with someone less than you deserve.

I understand your pain and inability to accept and let go - but you must or you will drag out the torture for longer than is necessary.

I hope time will eanable you to heal , sooner rather than later....

(Big Hug ) - stay strong and dignified.

 

Thank you. I was doing so well until I heard he was getting engaged. It just seemed so quick and unbelievable that has put me back to square 1. I don't know how to let this one go or if I should confront him. I wish I never met him and fell in love with him. Why would people lead people on like that if they know they're getting married? Seems ridiculously selfish in my opinion.