happpybear Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Maybe I am just going through a rough dating patch or something, but I am getting really discouraged. I look younger than I am, like I look about 25 but I am 32. and lately I've been attracting a mixed bag of men, the younger guys, and the 35+ (though mostly older than 40+) and occasionally guys my own age. Here is the thing, when these guys find out my age, they are not as interested anymore. It has to do with the fact that they probably want kids someday, and at the rate I am going, that is unlikely to happen (being 32, it means i would have to find a man, get married and pop out a kid prior to my fertility declining at 35+) so a 3 year window....which is not a lot of time. I also am not sure I even want kids, in fact i'm pretty sure i don't want any, but I can't find a guy that is ok with that!! And this topic comes up pretty early on in the dating process too, like 2nd date! Initiated by them, not me! The younger guys I attract feel like there is no point in dating me because by the time they would want kids, I will be in my late 30's and it will harder and riskier to conceive, the older men think I am 25, and when they find out that i only have a limited time to pop out kids, they back off and continue looking for the 25 year olds, and it's the same with guys my own age, they are still into the 'hot' 23-25 year olds.... It's frustrating... rant over Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I had a far easier time dating when I was over 35 because of increased confidence and better hair products (not kidding). I started dating my now husband right before I turned 39 and we married when we were 42, became parents a few months later. Some men did have the bio clock concerns, most did not. I was clear as soon as possible with all these men that I wanted marriage and family in the not too distant future. I didn't have trouble conceiving naturally although it probably took longer - we were long distance at the time so it's hard to tell how long it actually took (we got pregnant 15 months after starting to try). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 Ya i find i am also more confident now that I am in my 30's, also my sex drive is higher and I enjoy it more too, I have no issue attracting men initially, its just the age thing. They think i am younger, and I am not, and it never used to bug me, but now that i have met so many men that have used my age as a reason to not date me, i feel crappy about it. I need to meet a guy that is okay with the possibility of not having kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Applewhite Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Ya i find i am also more confident now that I am in my 30's, also my sex drive is higher and I enjoy it more too, I have no issue attracting men initially, its just the age thing. They think i am younger, and I am not, and it never used to bug me, but now that i have met so many men that have used my age as a reason to not date me, i feel crappy about it. I need to meet a guy that is okay with the possibility of not having kids. I didn't realize there were so few of them out there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 I didn't realize there were so few of them out there! \ lol, I am hoping there aren't, I just can't seem to meet them, geez seriously. Maybe I look really "fertile' or something, lol, I dunno really.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Applewhite Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I've read we look 'fertile' and prettier (in a subconsciously noticeable way) when we are ovulating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Same boat here but from a males perspective. Although I do not attract women around close to my age. All of them are either younger, much younger or far too young. This in turn switches their brain to temporary relationship material or booty call. My appearance for the most part is causing this, but if I try to dress older, it would just make me look like a twenty something with poor fashion sense : / I have always been easy going on whether or not I have children though but that could be down to not being reminded about my biological clock once a month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coconut Twin Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I used to feel like yourself (I'm 33 btw and can't even get sold drinks at a pub). I've resigned myself to the fact that things just are. That I may or may not have kids, I may or may not have this ideal "soulmate", I may just become an old spinster OR have the big whammy - a husband and children. Whatever is lined up for me in life I'll never know so I just don't worry about it anymore because let's face it, it's only going to accelerate the aging process. The less you worry, the more happier you are and therefore attract goodness to your life. This may sound naive, but I believe there is someone for everyone, so those guys who weren't interested as soon as you mentioned your age, let it slide because there is somebody out there who doesn't want someone in their 20s. They may just want someone who they can relate to, who can share past experiences with, that probably a 20 something year old wouldn't be able to do. We just have to accept and embrace it as a part of life. You can still have kids (just look at Batyas example). May not be as easy but given the advancements in science, it's possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 I've read we look 'fertile' and prettier (in a subconsciously noticeable way) when we are ovulating. It is true. I have seen it myself. This one day a month when i look positively smokin' (not trying to sound conceited, i know i am no supermodel, but i am not insecure either), and it is always ovulating time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 This is generally how i have thought about up until a few months ago, generally I just felt that whatever happens, happens. But i think my bad dating patch has me questioning my self-confidence a bit. It doesn''t help when friends / acquaintances and family do the whole ''why are still single, you're a great catch you should be shacked up by now" thing constantly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coconut Twin Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I've read we look 'fertile' and prettier (in a subconsciously noticeable way) when we are ovulating. I believe this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 My appearance for the most part is causing this, but if I try to dress older, it would just make me look like a twenty something with poor fashion sense : / hehe, this for me too. I have to dress older though, or i get mistaken for a student. I dress very corporate conservative at work, and my mother always makes fun of me telling me I look like a conservative school marm (personally i think i look more like a hot librarian), but if i wear anything young-ish, i look like a student, and then i attract 23 year olds! my brother saw me the other day wearing my "casual wear", he laughed and told me i looked like a geologist/golfer. hahaha, better that than the ill-fitting booty shorts and crap i see younger people wearing (and that I used to wear at that age), if I dressed like that i would attract 23 year olds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mpeer Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I am also 33 and have noticed I also attract the same dating groups. I also look younger than my age, but have not dated much lately due to a recent breakup. When I think about the dating scene, my 33 year old body acts up and I get mentally tired thinking of how many men I need to filter through to find the right one. Also, when you're in your thirties or over and single, you get lumped in the category, "picky and unwanted women who doesn't know what she wants in life.". This was at least told to me by many of my family and friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coconut Twin Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 This is generally how i have thought about up until a few months ago, generally I just felt that whatever happens, happens. But i think my bad dating patch has me questioning my self-confidence a bit. It doesn''t help when friends / acquaintances and family do the whole ''why are still single, you're a great catch you should be shacked up by now" thing constantly. Yea I get you. Don't let that brief dating patch bother you because it's exactly that a rough patch and it won't happen all the time. Yes culturally youth is considered to be a sign of fertility, yet this doesn't mean women of an older age cannot conceive. Media doesn't help, families who have their eye on the bio clock on your behalf can be quite annoying so I understand your sentiments. But let people talk, seriously. There is a saying "out of no way there is a way". It seriously isn't the be all and end all. You'll be ok. As you say it's a rough patch and I think how you're feeling now will pass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coconut Twin Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Also, when you're in your thirties or over and single, you get lumped in the category, "picky and unwanted women who doesn't know what she wants in life.". This was at least told to me by many of my family and friends. I won't deny that it is a fact that women's hormones begin to decline at a certain age but when families and friends state the obvious, it can be quite insensitive. Again I think it's this perpetuated (no thanks to the media as well) cultural idea that women have to rush and find themselves a partner and get a bun in the oven before it's "too late".. like after a certain age we're pretty much in the scrap heap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 When I think about the dating scene, my 33 year old body acts up and I get mentally tired thinking of how many men I need to filter through to find the right one. I know right! i am the same too. I find i have no patience for any crap anymore. the thought of going on dates and getting excited about someone only to have it all go to crap is really distressing to me at this point. I am not overly picky either, seriously, I don't have "type", i appreciate sincerity, generosity, intelligence and someone who has a life, and that i feel a spark with, and now someone who doesn't mind not having kids. that is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I get them at all ages and I would be lying if I said I hadnt done them at all ages too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 I won't deny that it is a fact that women's hormones begin to decline at a certain age but when families and friends state the obvious, it can be quite insensitive. Again I think it's this perpetuated (no thanks to the media as well) cultural idea that women have to rush and find themselves a partner and get a bun in the oven before it's "too late".. like after a certain age we're pretty much in the scrap heap. the unwanted women thing really bugs me. every guy i go on a date with asks (with suspicion) 'why are you STILL single?" when they find out my age. it's like i am damaged goods... I always counter with, 'well why are you still single"? I don't consider myself damaged at all, i am actually fairly happy and comfortable with my life (Minus the contents of this thread, lol) I have not met the right person yet. can't help that every relationship i have had needed to come to an end. And i have no desire to be in, or stay in a relationship that is not good, just for the sake of saying i am not single. I won't settle. Not a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 I get them at all ages and I would be lying if I said I hadnt done them at all ages too I love you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mpeer Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I hope more men would chime in on this thread, which is becoming more of a women's empowerment sanctuary. Not that it is bad thing lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coconut Twin Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 hahaha ^^^^ true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coconut Twin Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I don't consider myself damaged at all, i am actually fairly happy and comfortable with my life (Minus the contents of this thread, lol) I have not met the right person yet. can't help that every relationship i have had needed to come to an end. And i have no desire to be in, or stay in a relationship that is not good, just for the sake of saying i am not single. I won't settle. Not a chance. I agree and I like this mindset as opposed to your original post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 my 33 year old body acts up and I get mentally tired thinking of how many men I need to filter through to find the right one. Well, that is what men have to do as well, and very often, since having children is a basic human instinct for most people, they will filter out women they think are less likely to have children, or may have problems conceiving, and those who state they don't want children at all. Remember, no one is owed a relationship and men have just as much right to be picky as women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Well, that is what men have to do as well, and very often, since having children is a basic human instinct for most people, they will filter out women they think are less likely to have children, or may have problems conceiving, and those who state they don't want children at all. Remember, no one is owed a relationship and men have just as much right to be picky as women. do you feel at an advantage DN as your where getting older that your biological clock wasn't ticking ? I guess you all get to that "don;t want more" just as much as we do ..but you know at least you can keep going if you choose. ( my one rotting egg has gone right into panic mode) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 I hope more men would chime in on this thread, which is becoming more of a women's empowerment sanctuary. Not that it is bad thing lol. lol, ya. didn't expect that to happen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.