Something Amazing

[ainia03]

This story begins with me adding a friend I met online named Lee. Okay so I met Lee February 13, 2011, a day before Valentines Day. We met on this mobile site where I only play this farming game and happen to go to chat and saw his comment about a post I wrote. At first it was like ehh, so I sent him the friend request and we chatted for hours until Valentines Day. I basically spent my Valentines Day looking at my mobile phone chatting with him. FYI, Lee is Puerto Rican living in New Jersey. We talked all day that day as he talked about him being in the Marines and stuff. So yeah, I had a crush on this guy. It wasn't instant LOL we talked for days and added him on Facebook and we became Facebook buddies. One day, I got bored and started looking through his friend's list and saw a cute guy named Adrian.

 

So I was looking at Adrian's friends list on Facebook and happen to see his brother Alex. How I knew he was his brother is because it had a relationship status there basically saying "Brother". So yeah I said what the hell maybe this guy is cute. His profile pic was this bunch of people smiling for the camera. I wasn't really sure what he looked like but yeah I added him anyway. I wanted to have tons of Facebook friends that time. So he added me and I sent him a message saying "hey thanks for the add" and he was like "yeah no problem". Lee and I were still sending each other messages like how are you, etc. We didn't talked that much anymore but Alex was like ehh too. I mean I saw his other pictures and the first thing I said was "young" and like he's OK. Indeed he was 3 years younger than me. I didn't really had any attraction with him. I was more into Lee which by the way is way..way younger than me. Don't ask. LOL

 

So one day I saw this news about a typhoon hitting NY and NJ so I messaged Lee & Alex. Again Lee and I left each other messages because he got busy and all with his new job and etc. Alex was like yeah..ok thanks. He really didn't seemed to be interested to talk to me and be my friend so I said ok whatever. I deleted him from my friends list and that was the last I heard of him and so I thought.

 

A month later he added me on Facebook. I was like whoooaa ooook so I added him again. We didn't talk but then he started "Liking" my pictures and so yea I thanked him and somewhere in between him commenting on my pictures and me leaving him Facebook messages. I realized I really didn't care much about Lee anymore. I would get on Facebook just to see Alex and talk to him. It was crazy...I would get on at 12 noon until 5 or 6pm which is by the way 12midnight to 6 in the morning EST. It was fun.

 

One time, I had this crazy idea of us changing our status into "MARRIED" and see what his friends and my friends would say. You know, just for fun. It wasn't really real. It was April 24, 2011 so we changed it and sure enough our friends commented. It was funny. But then I put on my crush' photos on my profile and he changed his status to Single. I was hurt. I didn't know why it hurt me so much considering the fact that it wasn't real. I think that was the first time we argued. That was the time I realized I liked him like I really really like him and he said he liked me too yay!!!! But like in every other great story, there would always be an obstacle. He lives thousands of miles away. I thought maybe that was the reason why he ends up being HOT and COLD. It was painful everytime he does that. I get really hurt but I don't know why after a month or so we end up talking again and me being in love with him. I hated that about myself. I asked myself why am I still doing this hundreds of times but never had that answer to that.

 

After a year of breaking up and making up over Facebook, finally we Skyped. I saw him before but when we Skype again I felt something different. I realized how much I cared for him. During one of our first conversations, I cried and he got all teary and cried. I said to myself I would do my best to show him how much I loved him. Days later, we argued and he's now back to being HOT and COLD with me. I never understood why he was like that, but he explained to me and I understood. I wanted to let him know how much he means to me. I wanted so bad for him to let me in and open up and not be afraid. I wanted him to know that whatever happens I'll be here. I wanted him to stay but still he wanted out.

 

When he said goodbye that night, I finally accepted something that I long denied. I cant make him love me. He doesn't love me. He cares, yes. but love? I think I'm the only one in love. I so badly wanna give up but something in me tells me I should stay. I don't know why but for all those heart aches and pain, I never once hated him. I don't think I ever will.

 

Maybe he moved on and forgot all about me.

 

Maybe he won't remember me.

 

One thing is for sure.

 

To me...

 

We Had Something Amazing.

 

Maybe I should just forget him and let go but he asked me to give him some time. Now I'm in a limbo. Should I wait for him or move on? This is so hard.

[renewing]

you should move on! I hope you're doing better now!