Clueless90 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Hi everyone my ex told me in Feb this year he wanted us to go on a break after almost 2 years together. I was heartbroken thinking it meant we were broken up completely but he said that he couldn't imagine anyone else having his children etc. Hes reasons were that we were fighting a lot, he had his own insecurities he wanted to work on that he felt was affecting our relationship and that he felt like we just needed time and space... Anyways since Feb we have stayed in quite close contact, still hanging out, me sleeping over his, his family and I still stay in contact and he is always asking to see me, hang out with him and also to events with his friends. We have slept together a couple of times and act like a couple when we are together but lately I cancelled a couple of times on hanging out as it was a good time for me and I feel like hes blowing cold. He didn't contact me for 2 weeks and I hadn't contacted him in that time either though typical I was driving myself crazy and kinda checking his FB etc to see what hes up to and it seems hes having a blast. I contacted him recently and had a little chat and he said he would call which he hasn't yet. Anyways point I'm trying to make is how do I get him back but not force the situation too much? I want him back so much and miss him terribly. Any suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gilmond Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Don't facebook stalk him that will make you feel so much worse. Try to go out with your friends and don't feel because you are blowing him off because he might be missing spending time with you as much as you are with him. Let the space and distance happen if it was meant to be it was meant to be but don't keep worrying about what he's doing or who is hanging out with because that isn't healthy to begin with. Also if you really start to miss him look at a picture of him (not on his facebook) and send him a text or something with a funny joke or something really stupid or interesting. If he says what he means and that he can't see anyone else but you in his life just take the time to do something you always wanted to do but couldn't. Start a new hobby, spend more time with friends, plan an exciting trip with your friends somewhere, just get out and start enjoying life again and you won't miss him so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meatball105 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I mean honestly, he broke up with you because he said he needed time and space, and none of that has happened. So whatever issues he had in his mind for this split are STILL there and if you got back together officially, those issues would still be there and he'd bounce again. I really don't get why people ask for time and space and then just go about life acting as if they are still with that person. He's not your boyfriend. Right now you're essentially his little emotional security blanket. He's taking from you and using you for everything you'll give him while not committing to you for one second. He's being selfish. YOU need to take the power back. Cut off the contact. Stop hanging out with him and most certainly stop sleeping with him. How can he expect to sort through anything if he's always around you? I think he's realizing this and it's why he hasn't contacted you when he said he would. I think he was slowly distancing himself emotionally while still seeing you after the split, and now he's really ready to pull back and take that space. Delete him off FB and unsubscribe to any mutual friends. Time to invest all of this space into yourself, and bettering yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brickheart Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I agree with Meatball... if he wanted space, why did you proceed to act like a couple? Nothing is going to change. It's pretty clear that he's finally forcing the space that he wanted in the first place. I'd say if you really want to save the relationship, you need to pull waaaay back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RFB Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I'd simply say talk to him. Do it in a calm non confrontational way. Explain to him how you feel. See if he is interested in rekindling the relationship. If he is, couples counselling may help resolve some of your issues. If he isn't, it might be time to move on. He may just be staying in contact to be polite or to keep you as a backup plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clueless90 Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 I know I was surprised by the 'couple-y' thing too as he said he wanted time and space but I guess the lines got kinda blurred and the whole staying in contact stuff also because we both agreed we still wanted to be able to talk and hang out. To RFB - I had previously mentioned the getting back together and prodded around the subject but he felt like he didn't think we were ready yet so I didn't ask again. Meatball - I agree with a lot of your points. I think that as much as it hurts I should stop giving him all the benefits of being in a relationship/my company if hes not committing to me. I do feel tired of waiting around even though I have been doing my own things, going on holiday with my best friend, going to the gym, working and keeping myself occupied but I guess I hoped a few months would have helped everything. I know it sounds stupid but I worry he'll move on or something if I drastically cut him out of my life... Brickheart - thanks for the advice, I will definitely be keeping my distance and not contacting him at all. Does the completely pulling back thing mean that I shouldn't reply to him if he contacts me? Wouldn't my ex think I'm playing mind games if I do that? Gilmond - thanks for your helpful advice, the FB stalking definitely isn't good and I will be working on sorting that out, I mean its true ever since we went on a break/broke up I seem to always see something that upsets me and that's counter productive. Anyone think I stand a chance of getting him back? I guess I'm finding it hard to move on and also keep thinking that my previous long term relationship he was always coming back to me and 2 years on he still contacts me to say he is still in love with me and one day hopes for a second chance and I keep hoping the sad case I am that my recent ex will feel that way soon too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meatball105 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 By drastically cutting him out of your life he'll be FORCED to face the fact he's going through life without you. That's the only way he'll really start thinking about whether or not he wants you as a girlfriend again. By remaining his friend you're essentially being friend-zoned. He'll start pulling away slowly, and then back out more and more, until he's finally gone. He's just weaning himself off you which is easier for HIM but it's not good for you. If there was true love, he won't just forget you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayofSunshine Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 If you want him back then let him be. Enjoy your life just like he is enjoying his. Be more aloof but still keep the lines of communication. He will not one back unless he wants to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clueless90 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 Lord I am confused you both make sense :S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clueless90 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 Just saw that he got one of his recent new friend who happens to be a girl a bracelet from a festival he went to. What an ***hole. Next if he isn't already hes probably into this girl and messing around with others even though he said he wasn't interested in doing any of that and just wants to get his life on track and sort some things out. I feel like a such a moron. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brickheart Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Well, sleeping with him isn't going to change any of his new feelings, if he has them... Frankly, I think you just jumped to a huge conclusion. Okay, so you buy your friend a bracelet... I've bought souvenirs for my friends before. Please don't start talking to him again because you feel jealous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clueless90 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 Well, sleeping with him isn't going to change any of his new feelings, if he has them... Frankly, I think you just jumped to a huge conclusion. Okay, so you buy your friend a bracelet... I've bought souvenirs for my friends before. Please don't start talking to him again because you feel jealous. I have started NC today. We had a long heart to heart and I feel like I need to do this for me so that means no contact, hanging out or sleeping with him. He said he still saw us getting back together either sooner or a bit later down the road. Until then or if we ever do I need to move on in the instance it doesn't happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clueless90 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 So I've found it kinda hard to completely stop looking at his FB and I know I am only hurting myself but I think this girl who hangs out in this new crowd he has been friendly with lately that she really likes him and I know I sound awful and I shouldn't be directing my anger at her but she is truly not that attractive but he got her a little cheap bracelet from a festival he went to, liked a ****ty picture of her and she leaves quite flirty messages on his FB wall and I feel so hurt and pissed off as yesterday when I initiated NC for myself we had a really good chat and when I asked him if he liked this girl he said no and that he hasn't done anything with anyone since our breakup. My friend thinks maybe he likes this other girl and because he doesn't want to hurt his future chances with me he said no to not piss me off... ??? God I am sooo sick of how I've been feeling this heartbreak sh*t is really pissing me off! anyone else in a slightly more stable frame of mind have any insight on this situation?? If say something happens with this girl do you think it is just a rebound and he is just doing it for a bit of attention and sex? Heeeeelp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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