inquisitiveone Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 This past Saturday my wife went out with a friend of hers who is my sons Godmother and another friend she hasn't seen in 9 years. My wife told me about the evening in detail. She said the their were a lot of military guys around and they were coming onto all three of them heavily.The Godmother (who is single) was all over different guys making out with them and so on and the other friend ( who is married ) was talking to a guy and kiss him. In my mind I am thinking what was my wife doing during all this. She told me she had guys ask her to dance and so on. There one picture of a guy kissing her on the cheek and a picture of another guy that she said she was talking to that was also married and had children. She told me that at the end of the evening that they gave 2 army guys a ride back to their hotel which really alarmed me. My wife told the guys asked her and her friends to come to their room but they declined. I didn't really make a big deal about it because it was fathers day but it really bothers me that what was just supposed be a girls night out was a little more than I am comfortable with. It's also bothering me because me and my wife had an argument a couple of weeks ago about some of my insecurities due to my current unemployment. The following weekend she also found out that her ex may be MIA and that seemed to also effect her as well. I can be a little bit of a worry wart when she goes out because I know how she used to be when she was single.This sometimes leads to me calling her wondering when she is going to be home. If anyone could give me some opinions it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charity Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 i don't think your wife did anything wrong. i wouldn't worry about this at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 How late were they out? Honestly, i think this kind of behavior is inappropriate for married women... and i also think it's kind of low to make out with total strangers in bars, but then i'm probably older than a lot of people who think that is OK. I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman going out with girlfriends now and again to blow off steam, but flirting heavily with guys and acting like they're single and/or making out with a guy is wrong unless the couple has an open relationship that both agree to. I think you need to talk to your wife about this and she shouldn't want to do this more often than once every few months at most. If this becomes a regular habit, this could be trouble. She didn't do anything wrong that night per se (if she is telling the truth), but frequent drinking and this kind of carousing is not good for a marraige. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I also don't think that her behaviour that night was appropriate even if she did decline the invitation to the room. It seems that you do have reason to be wary and that isn't about your insecurities but about her behaviour and lack of judgement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natasha24 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I wouldn't worry too much about this. It's good for her to go out and blow off some steam every once in a while. It doesn't sound like she did anything "wrong". Just because she is meeting guys while she is out, that doesn't mean she is doing anything against the rules. It sounds like she was very open about the entire night, which is a good thing! If she had done something wrong and wanted to hide it from you, she would have given you very very few details. And I wouldn't worry about the guy she was talking to; if he wanted to hook up with your wife, he definitely wouldn't have said he was married with kids. The girls probably shouldn't have given the 2 guys a ride to their hotel - but that's more of a safety issue than a "cheating" issue. Either way, she didn't do anything wrong. She went out, had fun, got hit on by some guys. That's really what a "girls night" entails for most people, it's pretty normal stuff. The ONLY thing I would be concerned about is a guy kissing her cheek. Even though it's not that bad, it's kind of inappropriate. Imagine yourself in her shoes.. You go out with your friends and you get hit on by some random women. Your friends start getting a little crazy and making out with random girls, but you just relax, talk to a woman who is married, then drive them to their hotel and call it a night. Is that so bad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 One of the ways that people get away with cheating is to admit to things they can't hide but deny things that cannot be proved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inquisitiveone Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 till about 5:30 am Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Going out with your friends is not wrong, HOWEVER,she should have called it a night when her friends started making out and other things and said she was going home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natasha24 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 till about 5:30 am I have gone to clubs with my friends until the sun came up, they were making out with random guys on the dance floor, and I was just having fun by myself. I wasn't doing anything wrong, and I don't think your wife was either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 No one can say for sure that you wife was or wasn't cheating with these guys but, IMO, what she admits to doing is inappropriate if you are in a committed relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 So the guy said he was married and has children. How many cheaters have we heard about on this forum that had kids and were married. She was out with a single woman, a woman that makes out with guys in a club even though she is married and she didn't get home till 5:30 in the morning! This is not good. She had to tell you something when she got home right? She gave a lot of details of what the other 2 were doing and she was innocently talking to a married guy that was safe since he has children. Like DN said the easiest way to avoid the truth is to tell as much as possible while leaving out the bad parts you don't want them to know. This is a red flag, keep your eyes wide open and let her know a girls night out doesn't last till the next morning. Sorry Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lester Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 There can be many reasons for her behavior. They may be innocent, or symptoms of something else. Innocent: - Let her hair down with friends of lesser character. - Drunken stupidity. - She’s always been like this and you never noticed or cared. Not so innocent: - She not happy with you and is toying with the idea of divorce/affairs. (Viewing the field from the sideline.) - She’s mentally ill, depressed or addicted to a chemical or vice. It’s prudent to worry. How long have you been married? Kids? Has she changed in the past six months? If so, in what ways? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inquisitiveone Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 Natasha24 I wouldn't worry too much about this. It's good for her to go out and blow off some steam every once in a while. It doesn't sound like she did anything "wrong". Just because she is meeting guys while she is out, that doesn't mean she is doing anything against the rules. It sounds like she was very open about the entire night, which is a good thing! If she had done something wrong and wanted to hide it from you, she would have given you very very few details. And I wouldn't worry about the guy she was talking to; if he wanted to hook up with your wife, he definitely wouldn't have said he was married with kids. The girls probably shouldn't have given the 2 guys a ride to their hotel - but that's more of a safety issue than a "cheating" issue. Either way, she didn't do anything wrong. She went out, had fun, got hit on by some guys. That's really what a "girls night" entails for most people, it's pretty normal stuff. The ONLY thing I would be concerned about is a guy kissing her cheek. Even though it's not that bad, it's kind of inappropriate. Imagine yourself in her shoes.. You go out with your friends and you get hit on by some random women. Your friends start getting a little crazy and making out with random girls, but you just relax, talk to a woman who is married, then drive them to their hotel and call it a night. Is that so bad? The guy like my wife was an organ donor and kind gave her a surprise kiss on the cheek when he learned of it. I agree with you to a point but when guys go out they usually don't have a bunch of horny military chicks trying bang everything in site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMJ Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 She should not have done anything that disrespected your relationship. Only you two can define that that is. I would venture to say that if you had a night out with the boy and danced up some chicks and then gave them a ride to thier hotel then it would be viewed as wrong to do by her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Well the OP's wife admitted to talking to a guy who was married and had kids and there is a picture were a guy kissed her on the cheek. Those facts in and of themselves do not cross the line IMO. I think that it comes down to one thing, if you trust your wife then you take her at her word, if you do not trust your wife, then those trust issues have to be addressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inquisitiveone Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 There can be many reasons for her behavior. They may be innocent, or symptoms of something else. Innocent: - Let her hair down with friends of lesser character. - Drunken stupidity. - She’s always been like this and you never noticed or cared. Not so innocent: - She not happy with you and is toying with the idea of divorce/affairs. (Viewing the field from the sideline.) - She’s mentally ill, depressed or addicted to a chemical or vice. It’s prudent to worry. How long have you been married? Kids? Has she changed in the past six months? If so, in what ways? She was wild when i met her. We got together under some wild circumstances. We still have fun together from time to time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 What happened beforehand that this guy was kissing her on the cheek? I don't imagine that was random. I wonder how many people who think this behaviour was OK would think so if it was their partner behaving this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gluestick Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I have gone to clubs with my friends until the sun came up, they were making out with random guys on the dance floor, and I was just having fun by myself. I wasn't doing anything wrong, and I don't think your wife was either. When you're married...there's a boundary between what's considered appropriate behavior vs when you're still young and single and free to do whatever you want. There's nothing wrong for the OP's wife to have a girls night out, but there are a number of "red flags" from this post that speak out to me personally: 1) she's married but puts herself in an environment surrounded by horny military dudes and gets kissed on the cheek by one of them. What events lead up to the kiss on the cheek? If you're married, you shouldn't be flirting and getting kisses from any man other than your husband. 2) if you are a strict believer of being faithful to your partner, I would imagine friends in your circle uphold the same belief. I did know someone who thinks cheating as well as other inappropriate behavior is perfectly fine as long as they benefit HIM with getting laid. Needless to say, he and I cannot agree on anything and we're not really friends. 3) if you're in a committed relationship, you would show your partner the same respect to not do anything they wouldn't do, in their presence or not. Right now, you don't have proof she did anything more than what she let on, so you'd have to trust and take her word. But I would say, if this is a recurring behavior, there's something obviously wrong in the relationship or her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 They were out until 5:30Am and only gave those guys a ride to the hotel? I'm sorry OP but I think DN is absolutely right especially about the part with regard to the build up to a "kiss on the cheek". In my opinion I suggest that you distance yourself from your Wife and start going out more with your buddies and see what happens. Make a secret account so you can start stashing money away in case of emergency (divorce). In this day and era, Women think they can pull a fast one on decent guys and have their cake and eat it too. Don't be cuckolded while paying child support and alimony. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 >>till about 5:30 am Nope, i don't think staying out that late and giving guys a ride to their hotel at 5:30 am is appropriate at all for a married woman... A few hours is fun... all night long is a recipe for trouble. If they're out that late, there is too much alcohol involved, and possibly other drugs... The thing is your wife is NOT single... and she needs to be responsible to you and think about you and your feelings, and i'd be really worried regardless of anyone drinking all night long and staying out all night, from a safety and a drunk driving perspective. It just isn't wise, especially in a committed relationship. And DN is right... cheaters usually sprinkle some truth in with the lies. The true parts may be that they gave the guys a ride, the false part could be that she did indeed head to their room and more went on than she's telling. And getting kissed because she's an organ donor... cmon now! that's a stretch, a thank you would have sufficed. that sounds like an after the fact explanation trying to cover up exactly how much 'fun' she is having if someone got a photo of it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diamond78 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 No one can say for sure that you wife was or wasn't cheating with these guys but, IMO, what she admits to doing is inappropriate if you are in a committed relationship. I agree with this. There's nothing wrong with going out from time to time with your friends, but several things were inappropriate without even touching the possibillity of cheating. I would be upset if my BF told me a similar tale and I wouldn't just believe he only dropped some ladies off at the hotel. The fact that he was dropping off these ladies to their hotel in the first place would set me off. There's a picture out there of a male stranger kissing your woman. I find that to be disrespectful even if it was all in fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lester Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 You don't give many facts... so I will try to fill in the blanks as best I can. If she was as "wild" as you describe than most likely she was the cause of the "wild circumstances" you talk about. What you called fun together was her being wild and you making excuses. You don't sound like you were compatible. PS, True “wilds” rarely marry each other… someone has to do the mundane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inquisitiveone Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 You don't give many facts... so I will try to fill in the blanks as best I can. If she was as "wild" as you describe than most likely she was the cause of the "wild circumstances" you talk about. What you called fun together was her being wild and you making excuses. You don't sound like you were compatible. PS, True “wilds” rarely marry each other… someone has to do the mundane. We are both big into partying we a a crazy night. She actually pursued me and I didn't want a relationship but she grew on me and we got married. We have been through a lot over the last 5 1/2 years. She has had tumors removed 2 times. Gal bladder removed. Gave her dad a kidney. I let her go to school. We are very different in many ways. She is a little more on the sociable side where I am more reserved. I'm into hard rock and metal and shes into R&B. I like comic book movies, horror movies and science documentaries. She has more guy friends than female friends and her best friend is a guy in the military. I did have a hard time with that but me and him were actually hanging out the night all this happen. We have a great sex life but sometimes I feel that is all we have. we have had communication problems in the past because i was tired and worked a lot and so did she. We seem to get irritated with each other alot and the only time we are not is when we are having sex. I told her this recently and it really upset her but I was just trying to get my feelings out there but it came out in an unusual way. Now even though we are getting along there something missing and I can feel it in my gut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snny Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 If a strange girl at a bar/club kissed my fiance and took of a picture of it, that would totally cross the line with me. Her lips should never, ever touch any part of my fiance EVER. And why did your wife allow it to happen? Coming home 5:30 to "drop men at a hotel?" Completely inappropriate if you're married. It's acceptable to do that in you're early 20's and single... escorting SINGLE men while you're married? If their ass had a way to get to the club, then their ass had a way to get home. They begged for a ride purposely to lure your wife and her friends to sleep with them. Your wife behaved irresponsibly and inappropriately big time. I definitely think there is a lot more to the story than what she gave. A girl's night should not have gone the way it did and she had a responsibility to speak up when things got out of control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 You sound really familiar to me......at least your story does. You didn't happen to post here a while back as a different user name did you? No matter if she cheated or not there are some serious issues here. In fact there are so many red flags waving it looks like an emergency has gone down. Your relationship is in trouble but it isn't dead. I think you need to look at the whole and then the parts of your marriage and try and see it clearly. It seems like you aren't happy with a lot of the parts and as a whole it isn't what you think it should be. Having way more male friends than female friends has always been a huge red flag with any story I have read here or anyone I have known in real life. Her choices, lack of repsect for your marriage, questionable honesty and on and on lead this down a path that is not good. It sounds like the only thing that changed for her after you said "I Do" is that she has a ring on her finger. Don't let fear keep you from standing up and expressing what you don't like about how the marriage is and has been going. You don't want to live like this the rest of your life do you? Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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