discouraged Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I'm really having a hard time today... The BU happened 14 days ago but I've only done NC for 7 days... I don't know why but I have this incredible urge to reach out to her, but I'm desperately fighting it. I miss her dearly and i know not to break NC. I just wish things could return to how they were before, but it will never return. Every morning its getting more and more difficult to stay in NC and hope i see a text msg from her. I really do believe that she was "the one that got away" and i lost her due to not trying hard enough to improve my life. I try to focus on myself and take steps in the right direction, but my impatience in getting the best of me in this situation. I just want the improvements to happen overnight, but i know the changes I'm striving for will take much time to begin. I wish i knew the secret to getting over losing the one you love. All i can think about is her and trying to get her back, but i know it will all fail. All i can do is just keep focusing each day to improve and hope one day, i can be happy once again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mustachio Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I have the secret for you... Time. It heals all wounds. You are at day 7. 7 days is absolutely nothing. I had that feeling, that urge that you had for months and months after my big breakup. I thought my ex was the one, that i let her slip away, all that bad stuff. Once the dust had settled I realized I was wrong. I got to a point where I realized that focusing on myself was way more important than focusing on someone who did not want to be with me. You will get there too... with time. Just be strong, stop focusing on how long it takes, but rather how much you have left to gain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperDuper Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I'm sending some strength your way! I'm a little curious as to what you mean by improving yourself. It's difficult to give accurate advice/feedback when I'm not sure if you're referring to physical or mental improvements; or both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambert Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Hi discouraged... I hear you. It is sooo hard especially two weeks since the break up and the first week of NC. hang in there. There is a secret to getting over someone... unfortunately, it's something we can't control-- time. It just takes time and sticking to NC. I will tell you it gets easier but sometimes it gets harder before it get easier. If trying to get her back is something you really want, it's probably best to continue to lay low for awhile. Two weeks seems like eternity but really it's not. I'm sorry I don't know your story and what happened but if she ended it, she needs time. Try to just take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. It's hard and it really hurts to lose someone and generally, it's a big roller coaster. I am about 3.5 months post BU. And I really like reading this forum. I get a lot of comfort from reading similar stories and sometimes when I read them, they could be my story. The funny thing is, I see the other situations so clearly-- that the poster deserved better and they will find someone better if they just stay strong. So I try to remember, that is me, too. I deserved better. I deserve someone that protects my feelings-- doesn't trample them. Sure the dumpers have every right to end relationships. They are not all evil but I prefer not to think about that. lol!! Good luck to you. Hang in there. You have a great outlook! And that's half the battle!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tla1234 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I'm with you Discouraged. I cracked and contacted her only to be hurt once more. I have to make big changes to improve myself because I lost sight of who I was and neglected her in the process. Just keep moving forward. That's all we can do. Focus on the changes you feel you need to take to grow and become a better person. That will be more rewarding than maintaining a strained relationship. Mustachio I hope that when my dust settles I will feel the same as you and not regret losing someone so special. And I agree, we should put more importance on focusing on ourselves now than someone who doesn't want to be with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discouraged Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 Thanks guys. Superduper: I've been working out every night recently, trying to pick up 3 summer courses at school (i have 2 for sure and I'm on a wait list for 4 different classes), and reading a few books to help get me out of this slump ("awaken the giant within"-Anthony Robbins as well as some investment books). Im trying to transfer to a university by next year, which is where my impatience is focusing on. Since i won't be able to transfer until then, i feel that no matter what i do at the moment, I'm not really improving myself. However, i know taking small steps will eventually get me to where i want to be. I just hate this time restraint i have about school... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonicfan287 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Hey discouraged, Your story reminds me a lot of myself and Im currently on ...about Day 90 of NC. You could say 3 months and the sad thing is, if I wanted to, I could trace back to when our contact officially ended and try to tell you myself exactly what day I'm on but it's best not to think about that. By even acknowledging that you're X number of days from NC means you're still thinking about them. Think about it, do you say "I'm on Day 4 of NC with my friend?" if you just haven't talked for 4 days? Of course not, but there's always something still there if you're wondering about them or waiting for their text message... something I still do. I'm 90% better but that didn't come overnight either and it's nothing to take for granted. You're in a much better place a week post BU than I was... yknow where I was? A hospital bed, and no I'm not being dramatic... I tried to kill myself about 7 days after the breakup, but I won't say I came close to death or anything like that but the point is, the pain was THAT bad. I never thought I'd be where I am now - hell I never thought I'd be anywhere even close to my "normal self" after all that happened but Ive picked up the pieces and to this point have actually become someone better than who I was. Now, I dont know your situation as intimately as yourself obviously but something like this will be painful for a short time but then get better. Its easy to think of it as "its going to get harder and harder everyday" but it's not an uphill climb. In fact, just the opposite and I used to be the same way. I'd think "Sure, I can do one step to improve myself, but then after that is when I'll fail" but you won't know until you get past the first step. You mention going to a university? I'm just curious what you'd like to study there? Maybe you could get an internship or a small job in the area that could kind of open your mind up to possibilities. If youre just starting school, then the internship route may not be likely, but you'd be surprised at what opportunities could be available to you or maybe even something you didn't know you were interested in doing. Its easy to get off track, with or without a breakup, when it comes to what you do next. But the first step is always the hardest, and things slowly start to fall into place after that (with more steps of course, but those too are easier once you prove to yourself that you can do it). Feel free to PM me if you need someone. I'm always interested in talking and trying to help. God bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discouraged Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 Thanks sonic for the advice. Im studying computer engineering, but i still need to apply to transfer in september, so i won't be able to start any internships until the following year. I read your story about your situation and other threads you created and they are very insightful and inspiring. Im trying really hard to take the first few steps towards my healing, but the words my ex gave me during the break up really got to me (about how i still live at home at the age of 27, go to school, and don't have a career yet). I just want to change all of this right now so i can feel better about myself and my own life. I just gotta keep reminding myself that this isn't something that can change overnight, but i start to wonder how i even ended up in this position in the first place... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonicfan287 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 It can really suck when an ex who's about to end things adds in biting words like those... I don't really understand the rationale, since they're going to be leaving you anyway... I don't know if somewhere in their mind they really think it helps to pile on criticisms on their way out...? All it does is usually leave a final dagger in the mind of the person they leave. It seems completely uncalled for but thats just my take on it. It doesn't make your pain any less real Time can get away from you, man. Its not good nor bad, but its what happened. The first thing to do is stop wondering why you are where you are and start thinking about how you're going to get to where you want to go. Computer engineering is a great field with a lot of money in it and something in high demand if you're good at it. Not too many people can do it so you must be of a high level of intelligence. You may not feel like it now but there's intellectual and other potential in you, but much like in physics terms, it takes a force to turn your potential energy into kinetic energy (thats about the extent of my scientific knowledge - I'm an artist lol) Just think though, if you add pressure to yourself, it's only going to be harder, so try to ease up. Not for her, but for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discouraged Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 haha, that physics line was good. You're right, i need to stop thinking about why things happened the way they did because its not going to change anything. I need to focus on myself right now and try to keep taking steps in the right direction. I somehow need to figure out a way to stop thinking about the past because I've been dwelling in it for a while already. I guess thats why people say look forward and never look back. Its just easier said than done... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discouraged Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 Sigh... i was set back this morning with a dream i had. I dreamt she called me over to her place in order former to apologize aggressively and confess how stupid she was for the break up. I woke up afterwards at 6 30 am and became depressed all day. At work, people kept saying i was like a zombie, just having a blank stare... i hate how this will take time to process because its affecting everything in my life at the moment... argh!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shearer99 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 my advice is simple friend, each time you make contact, or check her facebook, or ask a friend how she is, it results in nothing but sadness or crappy feelings ... its a box you dont want to open ... NC is a box of stuff that you dont want to unlock ... its been 5 months for me, and there has been minimal email contact, recently I broke NC just to let her know i was going to Paris and that she should tell me the best places to hang out for the French Open ... in response, she told me she was happy I was going to see the Roland Garros and that I should hang out at xyz and then .... she told me she was seeing someone and very happy. i mean i didnt even ask her but hey, I felt crap and I didnt need to know. So my advice is, NC is Pandora's box ... you dont want to know what is in there trust me ... dont let curiosity get the better of you ... if you give in ... you will fail ... and return back to square one ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discouraged Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 Yeah, I've kept NC going so far. I haven't logged into Facebook, haven't talked to any mutual friends, and had no form of contact with her. i haven't gone to bars/clubs because I don't want to see her in her crazy party mode since she's single now. Im hating this... A part of me keeps thinking she'll change her mind and come running back because she always acts on impulse without a thought about it and regrets it later. Im almost 100% positive she broke it off because of the "new adventures" she could have with her new friends that go out all the time and tried to grab at straws for additional reasons to break it off. She probably thought about it for the last few months of the relationship and focused only on the negative traits i have to reinforce her decision of leaving me. i just feel so invalidated by her and i feel like crap because of it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discouraged Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 I'm starting to remember 2 weeks before the break up (my birthday), she didn't plan anything but to stay home because she said its something I've been wanting to do. However, her friends were going to vegas and asked her to come along. she told them she couldn't go because it was my bday, but then they said to bring me along. So she gave me the option to either go or to stay home. i wasn't sure what to do because i didn't have the money to go and i was feeling depressed because no one contacted me for my bday. So i asked her what she wanted to do and she said to stay home because she was tired herself. So we did, but i think she wanted me to make her get up and go. I think that was the final straw in the relationship and what set it in stone to break it off with me. I keep wishing i go back in time and decided to go... yup, its not getting any easier for me at the moment... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shearer99 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 if she contacted you and asked to get back together, then (hand on heart) what would you do? would you get back without flapping an eye lid, or would you be unable to forgive her for the past, or be stuck in the past .... ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rickyspanish Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 the first 2 weeks were so hard for me. same things were happening to me as you were describing and i felt the same way. by week 3 i started feeling a tad bit better and im coming up on week 4 and i can finally start acknowlediing that life is going to be just fine without her. but i still miss her so much but things should get bareable around week 4. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fornevermore Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 It's day 17 of NC for me after a 6 year relationship where we used to talk on the phone every night. It's easier moving on with a NC break and also he's overseas and I blocked him on Facebook. I have no way of communicating with him apart from Skype and email. And I don't use any of those. Trying very hard to not think about him, but he's always lingering in my head... every time I wake up and before I go to bed every night. Sometimes I get hit with that painful feeling in the chest, but I try to move on and occupy myself. BU's freaking suck balls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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