A different kind of love

[pancakeoyster]

My ex and I broke up a year ago. Hard to say the exact reasons.... when we broke up I would say there was a maturity difference between us (he was 19 when we started dating, I was 24), emotionally he still was a teenager, there were 100 miles between us, etc. Now I'll be 27 in a couple months and he's 21.

 

The past year we stayed loosely in contact. A little texting, occasional calls. Last night we met up for the first time in 6 months.

 

What astounds me is how much he has grown as a person. He's doing well in his life and I'm really happy for him! It's funny.... I still honestly can say I love him, but the love is a totally different kind of love now. I don't know how I can define it or even if I can.

 

I am totally over our dating days. I don't want them back anytime soon for a litany of reasons.

 

HOWEVER I am seeing him become the man I had hoped he could be while we were dating. I could see him as a potential partner on down the road.... but certainly not anytime soon, nor am I trying to "get him back" or pining after him.

 

We were just talking and he made a comment about how much like each other we are. It's funny -- 5 years ago I was in the exact same boat as he is now... with just about everything. It's almost like I am looking at a reflection of myself with slight variations.

 

I have no idea what the future holds for either of us. I just know that there's some connection between us and maybe we're supposed to be in each other's lives somehow, even if dating didn't work out when we did.

 

The next day he started texting me and I said it was nice to see him... and he agreed.

 

I like the man he is becoming. He's moving in a good direction.

 

Anyone else ever feel like this about their ex?

[Genivian]

sadly, no. not at all. Every single one of my ex's hasen't changed a bit since we broke up. in fact most of them have gotten worse. Its very sad to see some one u once cared about (and still do in a way) do things that are stupid and end up hurting themselves. I do hope that one day i can repost on this and agree with you. I really do.

[Mustachio]

I have only had one big ex, and honestly, I have only talked to her once in the last two and a half years. She is not a person I want in my life now or in the future, so I cant quite empathize with you.

 

However, in your situation I think its pretty awesome that you have remained close, but I would be mindful of your feelings going forward.

[dumPI]

I understand perfectly what you are telling us. I feel exactly the same. Now we have been longer apart than we were together. Since I met her 1 month ago we have started sending some mails, we are not friends on facebook, skype or IM but we do communicate via email mainly about religious, "metaphysical" stuff. She seems eager to progress in her life, to fix her issues (whichever they are). My romantic love for her is gone but sometimes I feel I could love her again under new conditions but I'm not in pain. I got myself back. Be it with her (which might take a lot of time) or with someone else I'll be ok. Because of who I am and who I became post BU thanks to the inner work done.

 

I also embrace the thought that A LOT of what happens in the future with her depends on me. I don't feel pain any more. I feel power and calm. I feel in control. A strange feeling

[SouthernGirly]

I know what you mean. I love the people my ex's have become, but my romantic feelings towards them don't click anymore, they're nonexistent. I'm aware and clear that they once were, but I love the people they're becoming and love them for who they were with me and having had the chance to have them in my life, but it's okay seeing how good they are doing from a distance.