Daughty Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 OK so heres my whole situation, About two months into mine and my gf/s relationship. i found she was talking to her ex husband, which she recently just divorced. IM 22 she's 20, her and this guy were married had a son together and divorced all in a 1 year span. Anywho, 2 months into our relationship i found she had talked to him saying she wanted to try and work things out, but he didnt want to, i confronted her about it , and she knew what she did was wrong and was very upset for doing it, from that point forward i felt i couldnt trust her, i asked if i would be able look threw her phone and facebook whenever i wanted to prove she could be trust again, well 3 months later i was still doing this, but NEVER found anything else, and still didnt see it that i couldnt trust her. So there was no reason i couldnt trust her anymore, which i could. But id still question who she was with, what she was doing, i wouldnt constatnyl text or call cause id start to worry and freak out if she didnt responde back in 5-10 minutes, which i have had sever trust issues before in previous relationships. i know she has a son to take care of, he is 7 months old. My other problem is when she goes to work, she works at state farm, i know for a fact she is at work but i still feel she is cheating on me, full knowingly she is not... i know this has to do with me, but i dont know where it comes from. Over time she got tired of having to show me she was trust worthy, i really want to be able to trust her cause she has given me no reason not to anymore, we are on a break right now because of the trust issues, it would stress her out and make her extremely frustrated. so i continue to tell her that im not going to constantly text, call , and question her every move, but i continue to do it, so she feels that she cant trust me cause i dont change myself of doing that. So i need some advice on what to do!!!!! help me please i dont want to lose her and her son..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I'm trying to better understand the timeline......you have been together for 5 months and she has a 7 month old son. Does that mean that when you got together with her she had a two month old son and when the son was 4 months and you were together 2 months (and she had been divorced for how long?) she was talking to her ex about working things out? How long was she married for? How long has she been divorced for? How long have you been on a break for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allielynn Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 You were extremely controlling.....an to be honest, I can see why she left you. You keep telling her you'll change, but never do. So she has a reason not to trust you. You NEED to change before you even initiate contact with her again. Otherwise you are are just showing her what she already knows-- that she needs to end the relationshhip bc you arent trustworthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daughty Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 To savignon yes we were together for 5 months, her son was 2 months old when we got together. She got married february 2011, got pregnant the same month, had her son in october, and the divorced got finalized in march of 2012, which is the time these issues arised, which i can understand it was a vulnerable moment at the time and a final way to try and save the marriage but he didnt want anything to do with either of them, we been on a break for about 2 weeks now, she says wants to see a change in me first before wanting to get back together, she wants to see me being able to trust her and not the constant call/text and wanting to know her every mover, my question is what can i do to not do all these things? to show i trust her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daughty Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 allie i do know that i NEED to change, my question is HOW.. what can i do to prevent all of this from happening, i want to be with her and be the father of her son. but it all comes down to me showing her i can trust her by not doing the things i have been. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 If its not as simple as just stopping those behaviors, you might need the help of some counseling. No shame in that....it may be well worth the investment in yourself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daughty Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 yes i been trying to work on find a place for counseling here, but it makes it hard because i have no medical insurance, so the places want 100$ a session which i cant afford, due to other bills i have to pay for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Sometimes therapists have a "sliding scale" based on income. Sometimes workplaces have Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) that offer free help as well. I think you can do that over the phone which makes it both convenient and affordable. 2 things to consider checking out. Meditation/yoga/prayer/faith are things that often help people create calmness/peace/tranquility/space in their overworked minds. Those things are less expensive. Or how about a book on cd/ipod that you could listen to? Explore some inexpensive alternatives that might get you similar results. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daughty Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 so apart from all those options, is there really anything else i can do on my own? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 so apart from all those options, is there really anything else i can do on my own? My understanding is that what you were doing (trying not to pester her) wasn't working and you needed alternatives. I offered as many as I could think of ranging in price and time/effort. There's no easy fix...you have to try different things until you find something that works for you. Best wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allielynn Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Look, You said you have no faith in this woman/trust in her...and yet you come here asking for advice on how to prove you can trust her. If you want honest ideas, Savignon has 'em. Your girlfriend is going to see right through anything you do if she senses it is not sincere...and unfortunately, until you really change the way you see the relationship, your emotions will not change. Relaxing(and using previously mentioned ways of doing so) is probably your best bet. If you are looking for a quick fix, there isn't one. And there shouldn't be one.... this is something that will require tons of time and energy on your part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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