6 months later and now I am actually angry...

[theface71]

So after months of being sad, in denial, bargaining etc, I have finally entered the angry stage. I am angry for a couple of reason...one being the fact I have realized how much of an emotionally unavailable person my ex really is-so really I am just mad at myself for wasting all my energy on a person like that. But I am also upset that my father, who suffered a heart attack back in November just before the BU is back in the hospital having blood transfusions because his blood pressure was dangerously low. He is in bad shape. Normally I would turn to my ex in times like these but now since she has cut me out of her life I feel scared and vulnerable without any comfort from her. This is why I am upset...if only she didn't cut me out of her life. What I find interesting is that at the time of my father's heart attack she wasn't really around for any support. She didn't even talk to me for 2 days nor did she see me for a solid week. Granted since this was 3 weeks before the break up I guess she was detaching herself from the situation...I guess I am just venting out of anxiousness due to this health scare. It sucks when your shelter from the storm is no longer around...

[quirky]

Normally I would turn to my ex in times like these but now since she has cut me out of her life I feel scared and vulnerable without any comfort from her. This is why I am upset...if only she didn't cut me out of her life. What I find interesting is that at the time of my father's heart attack she wasn't really around for any support. She didn't even talk to me for 2 days nor did she see me for a solid week. Granted since this was 3 weeks before the break up I guess she was detaching herself from the situation...I guess I am just venting out of anxiousness due to this health scare. It sucks when your shelter from the storm is no longer around...

 

I understand so much how you feel particularly the bolded bit. It's complicated and others might think 'well, she's not there so get on with it'. I had a similar situation where one of my best friends died, only at 32, and my ex at that time was wanting space. I thought such a tragic event would shake him up and say 'you know what, life is so short, I love you let's sort this out' but no. He still wanted space. I'll never forget that..To say I have felt abandonded is an understatement. Particularly when I think of how cool and supportive I was.

 

Thing is the face71, what you're yearning for is comfort and familiarity. Health scares and deaths bring us to our knees and as you mentioned cause fear and such unsettling feelings. Sadly..and as sad as it may feel you can't find that in your ex any more. You'll have to seek that support in other loved ones or here on the forum. Speak to friends and particularly anyone with a similar experience. I wish your father gets well soon.