Why would she lie?

[r0ckox]

My story is rather long and windy, so here's the tl;dr version:

 

On/off thing with a girl since 2004. She chased me around for years until 09 when I finally gave in and was willing to give it a shot. (Reasons for waiting do not matter at this point)

From 2009 - 2011 she was extremely confusing and literally drove me insane to the point that every other month I was telling her we couldn't continue to talk. (I had feelings for her, she claimed to - but would never act upon them.)

 

During this time, I noticed she was spending a lot of time with her friends upstate. 3 hour drive. She'd come back down and call me telling me she misses me and blah blah blah.

I had logged onto facebook one day back in 2009 and noticed that her friend's cousin had posted on her page that he misses her, so just out of curiosity I checked his page to see who the guy was. She replied saying she missed him too, missed waking up to him, and all this stupid crap and I blew up about it. (She'd get extremely jealous and angry when I even talked to a girl, so it should clearly work both ways)

She swore up and down to me that she'd never date the guy, they live 3 hours apart, it's just her friend's cousin.. whatever.

She claimed that the messages she wrote to him were just to help him get rid of an ex that had been bothering him on facebook, but I saw no evidence of an ex anywhere on his page... so since then, I figured something was going on between them and she wasn't being truthful.

Safe to say I lost the ability to trust her.

 

Fast forward to the present, the guy has his rship status on there as in a relationship with her.

They'd been spending a lot of time together since the fall, and have been talking all the time.

At this point, she'd already turned me down telling me she just wanted to be friends and didn't accept that I had feelings for her... so after all the BS, I agreed to be friends because she's dealing with some extreme health issues and she needs support. I care for the girl.

 

I'm no longer interested in dating her, and am suppressing my feelings for her and just trying to do the right thing by being her friend.

 

Recently, after noticing that she's apparently in a relationship with the guy - I asked her advice about a hypothetical situation and she replied stating she doesn't want to hear about "me and girls" - (the situation had nothing to do with that, she just assumed.)

So I haven't brought it up, nor have I spoken of girls as I know it upsets her....for whatever reason.

 

She didn't know that I knew she was in a relationship with the guy, and she started sending me pictures of her hanging out up there at his house, and videos of the animals that they play with.

I asked her to show me the same respect that she's asking for, and asked her not to send me pictures / videos of her hanging out with her boyfriend and being at his house and such.

She replied telling me "hahahaha ur f----cking dumb. that's not my boyfriend. what would make you think so?" She went on to say that the guy is her friend's cousin and she was only hanging out with him that weekend because she brought some animals up there and they were able to take care of them. She started getting all defensive asking me "So, what? I'm not allowed to stay friends with people?" acting like I had a problem with it.

so instead of arguing with her, (even though I know the truth) I simply told her I didn't care what she did with who, and it was none of my concern (because it's really not. She made her decision on me and I have to respect that) - but just please show me the same respect you're asking for.

I didn't reply saying "oh i saw it on facebook" because that seems silly.

 

Anyway, so after some time, they changed the status to cover up their names.. and now just says "in a relationship" - and it's clearly with each other.

She recently posted a picture on his wall about something, saying "Yeah, I know he's cute.. but he's mine. Touch him and you die."

And just yesterday they spent the day together fishing and whatnot. I didn't hear from her all day after trying to reach her in the morning, replying to something she was saying, when usually she's very responsive and shows a lot of interest.

Again, she sends me pictures of her fishing and catching fish and whatnot - and I know who she was with.

 

Now, I have no problem with them being together. I just dont understand why she would lie to me about it after the evidence is all right there.

I know she has SOME kind of feelings for me, still - as I can tell with the way she talks to me...but it just doesn't make sense to me.

She knows how I feel about her (Told her I loved her a couple years back) and knows that it bothers me that things aren't working out between us... yet she still gets jealous of other girls, and recently gets upset when I dont speak to her during the day / be busy with other things when she's trying to get ahold of me.

 

The other day she asked me to skype with her, and when she called through skype, I didn't have a camera hooked up. She said to me, "I'm sure you video chat with all your other girlfriends" and said it in a very jealous tone.

So I was thinking of making an offhanded comment if she gets jealous again, something like "I don't think your boyfriend would appreciate that." -- but I know if I bring up the boyfriend thing again, she'll just lie and say it's not like that -- but the evidence is clear.

 

Why can't she just tell me the truth and say she's dating the guy? I won't get upset. Won't fight with her or anything.. I just don't get it. It seems like she's playing games with both of us, and now it's starting to upset me because all I want to know is the truth.

I'm pretty sure this guy doesn't know that she's sending me "

 

She's done this in the past a few times, claiming to have "pretend relationships" and "fake boyfriends" and whatnot. I don't know what to believe, and can't understand anything. Who the hell does that?

 

I can't take the confusion anymore. It's making me regret ever agreeing to do the right thing and be there for her.

[ambigram]

Why would she lie? because she's a liar. If she lies about that she'll lie about anything. And,you're her puppet. She's pulling the strings and you're dancing. I'd want a girl like that out of my life forever.....

[r0ckox]

Why would she lie? because she's a liar. If she lies about that she'll lie about anything. And,you're her puppet. She's pulling the strings and you're dancing. I'd want a girl like that out of my life forever.....

 

I'm not anybody's puppet, and I'm certainly not dancing when someone pulls the strings. I'm trying to do the right thing and be there for a friend who needs support during an extremely terrible time in her life. The girl has cancer.

 

I'm not jumping up and down to talk to her, I'm not asking her to spend time with me and flirt with me.

I'm just trying to put most of my past negative feelings behind me and be a friend to someone who clearly doesn't want me out of her life.

 

I'm just confused as to why she's behaving like this, and it's starting to upset me because I feel like I shouldn't be lied to over something so stupid, but I know that if I say something, I'll just get lied to again. I don't deserve to be lied to, and I don't deserve to be treated like this.

[BlackJackLee]

Sometimes you just can't change people, or make sense of why they do what they do. I dealt with something similar, with an on and off boyfriend claiming he didn't associate with this girl or wasn't involved with this girl but on her fb, she was posting all these pictures hanging out with his mom/neice/sister/at his house/taking him dinner to work, going out with him, and it's like you get to a point where you just are tired of it, and I just lost the car anymore. I was sick of his pathological lies, making me feel guilty for other crap and I'm just done. It's crazy how emotional and invested you are with someone and then over time, things wear on you, and you just become numb to it all.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

She certainly seems well enough to play mind games with guys. Someone with cancer is usually too busy concerning themselves with their health issues and how fleeting life can be to bother with childish love triangles and mind games. Let her boyfriend be her cancer support system, do you really want to be the support of someone who treats you with such blatant disrespect.

[r0ckox]

It's ridiculous. We had a huge blowout a couple years back because her birthday was coming up and she "demanded to see me" for it, and when I tried to get in touch with her she ignored me all night, claiming that she fell asleep early and didn't do anything. Later on, I saw on her facebook that she spent it with some guy and lied to me about it - so I blew up at her.

 

I didn't speak to her for a month and she came back and eventually admitted the truth, telling me she lied and "only did it because she didn't want to cause drama; but realized that her lying is what caused it in the first place" -- you'd think that she'd remember that crap.

 

I don't understand why people have to act like this. I don't do this to my friends, and I'd certainly not lie to her about my involvement with a girl.

 

Now, the question is... how do I get the truth? I don't want to have to facebook stalk her and blow up at her and show her "evidence" -- I just want her to be honest with me so we can move on and have a decent friendship, and so I don't have to resent her anymore.

I care for the girl, despite how stupid she is.

 

 

She certainly seems well enough to play mind games with guys. Someone with cancer is usually too busy concerning themselves with their health issues and how fleeting life can be to bother with childish love triangles and mind games. Let her boyfriend be her cancer support system, do you really want to be the support of someone who treats you with such blatant disrespect.

 

I wouldn't feel right if I wasn't trying to be a friend to her. If i was in that situation, I'd want all the friends I can get. =\. Guess my guilt is my weakness.

[RedDress]

I wouldn't feel right if I wasn't trying to be a friend to her. If i was in that situation, I'd want all the friends I can get. =\. Guess my guilt is my weakness.

 

Yes, I think this is exactly what is going on here. Cancer does not make you suddenly spurt wings and be an angel. It does not prevent you from lying. Some very good people get cancer and some not-so-good people get cancer. I think your empathy for her situation is blinding you to what is going on.

 

Why is she lying to you? Because she wants you as a backup plan. She wants you to want her and pine for her. She wants you to think that you can (and should) be her boyfriend. Really - she's cheating on her bf. She's not respecting you and your right to... well... even know her! And she's certainly not respecting her bf. Would you really want to be him in this situation?

 

She IS stringing you along. She doesn't want to tell you the truth because she thinks she has a stronger position while lying. She LIKES the lies and manipulation. It makes her feel powerful and in control.

 

I see threads like this a lot where people allow people with terrible illnesses abuse them because they feel bad. I remember one man whose wife was in a wheelchair and was beating him! A critical/terminal illness is not an excuse to be a jerk. It's not! And it doesn't turn her into an angel, either. If she wants/needs friends, maybe she should practise being nice...

 

I say you kick her to the curb. You are only hurting yourself at this point, continuing to even listen to her lies...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree with RedDress.

 

She was a first class jerk long before she got cancer. Having an illness may result in the ill person being short-tempered and grumpy...but lying, cheating, playing mind games is a whole other story. That is within a person's character. Nobody is exempt from illness....some of the most vile people on the planet get ill...dictators, murderers etc....doesn't mean anyone has to feel sorry for their plight. This woman is making sport of you and her bf...there is no reason to feel sorry for her when she doesn't seem to have empathy and compassion for anyone else.

[r0ckox]

god, i hate this crap.