Is it harder when the relationship didn't end on bad terms?

[TriColors]

I've been wondering this a lot lately. My most recent ex and I never fought. Our relationship did not end badly, I think he just wasn't as into me as I was into him. The past two weeks when he and I hung out after our weird encounter it was like nothing was different. I know that he still cares about me and misses me but clearly he doesn't want to be with me.

 

On the other hand, with my relationship before him, the guy and I fought constantly. We broke up and I haven't thought about it since except that I may have been a little mean to him.

 

So, is it more difficult when the relationship didn't have any problems?

[RFB]

It's hard no matter how it ends if you really love someone.

[VeryConfused17]

I second that. I think its hard if you truly loved them. My only "real" relationship ended relatively well. Not much arguing, we never did that often. The BU wasn't too bad, but it hurt like a betch when she moved on

[Natasha24]

It all depends on the relationship, but yes, I think it's easier if you end up hating each other in the end.

 

Out of the blue, my fiance dumped me after 7 years. He said he still loved me but he couldn't be in the relationship anymore. It broke my heart and I wanted to die.

A few days later, he admitted he cheated on me. While it still hurt and I still loved him for a while, it was much easier to get over him because a part of me hated him. I didn't get many of those "I wish we could get back together and be normal again" feelings because all I could think about was "What a jerk, I'm better off without him".

[TalkThatTalk9]

to be honest, I personally feel it is hard no matter which way, but much harder when you break on "good terms"

 

when my ex broke up with me, the first few days were strange because we still lived together. we were acting mad at each other, but I thought it was ridiculous because we had no reason to be mad at each other. we just were breaking up

 

I sat down with him and asked him if we could be civil, and cool to each other I Wanted it to be as easy as possible for us.

 

after that things were cool. he was really nice to me, really respectful, and to be honest a good guy to me during the rest of the time I was around til I moved.

 

we hugged goodbye, and we parted on good terms.

 

this is making it much harder for me. I feel that if he had been a jerk face to me, treated me like crap or something, I would be having an easier time getting over him. but I do appreciate how he treated me towards that final week.

 

it was hard on both of us. being nice and civil helped things along, but leaving on good terms has made me hope and wish maybe it was a mistake and he will realize it.

 

if he had treated me like crap it would be easier right now, I wouldn't want ANYTHING to do with him. but ehhhh

 

its hard no matter what, but I think it is harder when you part on a good note so to speak (never really a good note breaking up)

[Taven]

Yes, especially when they still love you and the reasoning for breaking up is so .... pointless. I'm in this position and I'm wondering if, depsite NC until this is over, will the flame ever burn out?

[Coconut Twin]

I don't know if it's harder as each persons situation and burden is different but I have to say if I could compare it to one of my relationships where it wasn't mutual to the more amicable one, the latter was very tough to accept.

[lilypadgirl]

Hmm, for me it's not so much about the bad/good ending terms, but about my role in how things ended.

 

I think it's definitely harder for me when I carry more of the remorse. If I did something that caused the break up, even if both people have responsibility for getting us to that point, then I have a harder time getting over it because I know I messed up and will try for a very long time to fix things and try to get him back and dealing with ego and self image/esteem issues and the guilt and remorse.

 

But if most of the reason for the breakup is due to the other person then the initial anger actually helps me out a lot in distancing myself until I can forgive and heal, especially if I don't sense much remorse (different from guilt) or signs of real understanding of my pain or conviction to address those issues and fix things.

 

Regardless, if I really loved the guy, it's going to be a hard road to recovery.