Seraphim Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I have not seen my first step dad since I was 12 years old. I know he loved me and he did a lot for me, far more than my own biological father ever did. I guess I just want to know why when his relationship was over with my mom why he gave up on me and my brother too. It would kind of bring me peace of mind and I know for sure it would for my brother. My brother has always felt hurt and betrayed by that. It has been 33 years but I still feel like I need that answer. I do not know if he is alive still and he would be 75 if he is. Would you go looking after all this time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 i would look. just be careful. you might not find any answers you are looking for. or it might bring you some peace. i would probably do it and risk getting hurt rather than wonder, 'what if...?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 I think it would do my brother a lot of good. I know he still carries that hurt inside him and he is not one to let go of hurts easily. He was only 8 years old at the time and that was the dad who raised him as a little kid. They are a lot a like and they do not even know it. I think it would be nice for him to see us again and our children. He had his own 3 kids who he always kept up with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I don't think that I would ask him why he gave up on you and your brothers. I think that part of this could be your mother's doing or wishes or just the way things were. If the kids were not his, he really doesn't have a "right" to see them or custody after the break up. Back then, for sure not. (And of course he is going to keep up with his own kids) If you do reconnect, I would remember the divorce was likely very painful for him, but would focus on the fact that you want to know he is well and know you care for him, not to find out "why" or to accuse him in any way. If he volunteers what happened, great, but I would not push it. You don't know what his health is like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 Oh no I do not plan it as an accusation. From what my mother tells me it was his choice to no longer communicate with me and my brother. I want to know why though as he had planned to adopt us at one time. The only reason he did not is because our birth father would not allow it. We called him dad and he treated us exactly like his own children. I just do not understand how he could have said good bye forever just because he was no longer with our mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Look if you feel you need to. Just go in with your eyes open and understand it's generally not like the movies where they throw their arms open and give a long lost reunion moment. Sometimes it's extremely disappointing. And it can leave you with more questions then you already have. But then again, some do go well and relationships get re-established. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 He may have felt it was for the best, for him emotionally. Maybe he felt it would have been too difficult to be in your lives if your mother intended to move on with other men and it would just be very awkward and hard. Sometimes when people hurt or realize a loss, instead of trying to hold on, they may distance themselves immediately and move on ASAP as a way to deal with the pain. It's up to you. I'm not sure what I would do in that situation. I would try to send out some neutral but friendly contact at first. If he doesn't want contact, he'll either ignore you or say so and then you can say "oh well, at least I tried!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 Yes, I realize I may not get what I am looking for. I found all his kids on FB. I do not know if I want to contact them though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I wouldn't contact the kids, just him. Have been able to find him on FB, or just the kids? If you really want to contact him and can't find him, then unfortunately, you may have to go through them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 Hey Fudgie, He is not listed on his kid's FB. His eldest son is older than me so he might remember us. I know where his ex wife is but they have been divorced for like 40 years and she HATED, LOATHED, DESPISED my mother even though she met him like 3 years after he was divorced. I can not imagine she would tell me where he was even though she knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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