asa113113 Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I am curious when a couple goes out to watch a movie and have a dinner, does a boyfriend pay for everything or how does that work for you? I was talking to a couple of my buddies who all has a girlfriend and some said that a guy pays for everything while some said that half-half, and some said a guy pays for the most part. I pay for everything (including dinner and movie tickets, and popcorn). How about you?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loveculture Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 My bf pays everything.But if I offer, he will let me pay for some things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DylanNotorious Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I pay for everything. It's just what I like to do. But then she tries to pay and sometimes I'll let her, but for the most part I pay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MizzGee Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 my boyfriend likes to pay for everything.. but honestly I'd rather it be half/half unless it was for my birthday or something because I feel bad. I have to fight him to let me pay the tip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markfromark Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I'd say it depends on your age and economical situation. Some men are attracted to women who can support themselves, others like to be providers and prefer [financially] dependent women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poetryandlyrics Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Hm. When we first started dating, he liked to pay for everything despite me wanting to go dutch. His mother did really raise him to be a gentleman with manners towards a girl (but not bending over backwards, no, but yeah). He saw that the first few dates, it's more important to. But now as the relationship progressed, we go dutch, or he'd pay and then I'd pay next time. I do think he does pay a little bit more than me but it's not that much. Even when I decide to pay for everything, he would pay the tip so he finds a way to somehow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 If he buys movie tickets, I'll buy the food/movie snacks, or vice versa. We're equals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minx2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 We both have careers. We both have money. We both have our own individual savings and we have one big saving ( joint account ) where the money is used for things that we do together. We are in our 30s, so we don't really think much of it because it becomes natural on " who " pays at a given time at a given place. It becomes even / 50-50 / dutch or whatever. Most of the times, we both just offer to pay for each other because we just want to do it out of love, respect and just simply wanting to make someone happy ( treating each other out ). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Sometimes I pay for things, and other times he pays for it. We don't really keep track like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 For me, it changes every time we go out. Sometimes he pays. Sometimes I pay. Sometimes one of us pays for the movie and the other will pay for the popcorn, or one will pay for the movie & popcorn and the other will pay for dinner. My bf and I have a 50/50 relationship but that doesn't mean it's 50/50 every time. Rather, it's 50/50 over time. For example, two weeks ago we went camping and I paid for everything (yup! Everything from the site @$85 to the wood to the groceries to the gas)... and then the other night, he paid for a very nice dinner with drinks and movies. We'll just look at each other and say "whose turn is it?" and someone will say "it's my turn!" or "I think it's your turn - I recently paid for xyz, remember?" I wouldn't want to nickel and dime each other. To me, it shouldn't be about money. It should be about being together and no one feeling taken advantage of. Oh! And communication. Because sometimes you just don't realize you've been a bum... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allielynn Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 he always pays. for everything....he insists. only when i ASK him out on a date....and he knows it is a 'special' occasion for him does he let me pay for or do anything for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Anyone who allows someone else to pay for them all the time is taking financial advantage, even if that person wants to. There is zero excuse for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FathomFear Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Anyone who allows someone else to pay for them all the time is taking financial advantage, even if that person wants to. There is zero excuse for it. I agree. I always laugh whenever I hear someone say "Oh, well I'd pay my share but he always insists". I mean, really? I couldn't fathom being in that kind of relationship. It would be a clear sign that my partner didn't take me seriously if he refused my attempts at parity. And it's not about always going dutch either. Someone paying for the whole meal and then taking up the tab the next time is another way of achieving the same thing. As someone else said, the goal should be an "overall" 50/50 arrangement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I pay for one outing, he pays for the next, etc. That way it's halves but no annoying check splitting. Unless the girl is a stay at home mom with the kids and relies on him for money in exchange for childcare/home upkeep, I think it's messed up for one person to do all the paying. Some guys are really bullheaded about it though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Some guys are really bullheaded about it though.I often (but not always) find those men tend to be the ones more likely to be controlling. Similarly, those who meekly pay are the ones more likely to find themselves ten years hence living in a basement apartment or lodging house paying child support and alimony because they either set up or allowed themselves to be set up in that dynamic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allielynn Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I often (but not always) find those men tend to be the ones more likely to be controlling. Similarly, those who meekly pay are the ones more likely to find themselves ten years hence living in a basement apartment or lodging house paying child support and alimony because they either set up or allowed themselves to be set up in that dynamic. My boyfriend is big on "spoiling" me. He isn't controlling at all. If anything, he is a pushover. But he's VERY pigheaded about it. He also insists on opening all doors. Holding my hand to help me cross the street (like im a little old lady. SO annoying)...gives me his coat when it's chilly.. if we go out, he always insists i choose the activity. if we go out to eat, he always insists i order everything first, as I am the woman. I think its a personality thing. I "sneak" around it by makign dates where i get to take him out. i hide them in the guise of "special occasions". it only happens about once every other week.... but at least i'm making some progress here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 My boyfriend is big on "spoiling" me. He isn't controlling at all. If anything, he is a pushover. But he's VERY pigheaded about it. He also insists on opening all doors. Holding my hand to help me cross the street (like im a little old lady. SO annoying)...gives me his coat when it's chilly.. if we go out, he always insists i choose the activity. if we go out to eat, he always insists i order everything first, as I am the woman. I think its a personality thing. I "sneak" around it by makign dates where i get to take him out. i hide them in the guise of "special occasions". it only happens about once every other week.... but at least i'm making some progress here.You should not have to 'sneak' to do these things - you are feeding into an unbalanced relationship dynamic and they rarely end up well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 He and I both have good jobs although he generally has more money than I do. ( He lives in a smaller place, less bills etc) but he is usually pretty quick to pull out the credit card and start paying for stuff. If I'm quicker than him in the credit card department, he will let me pay. I actually enjoying taking him out and paying the bill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I often (but not always) find those men tend to be the ones more likely to be controlling. Similarly, those who meekly pay are the ones more likely to find themselves ten years hence living in a basement apartment or lodging house paying child support and alimony because they either set up or allowed themselves to be set up in that dynamic. I think so too. I wonder about men like that. Being polite and being a gentleman is great but I don't get the pushiness of some guys. My boyfriend holds doors for me, pays for half of our dates, etc. But he's not going to force me not to pay or push me out of the way to get a door. I think I would see that as impolite and not gentlemanly. Either the guy is being controlling/wants to be in the lead, or he misinterpreted the whole gentleman thing and is sort of acting stupid about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allielynn Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 You should not have to 'sneak' to do these things - you are feeding into an unbalanced relationship dynamic and they rarely end up well. it's just what he thinks men do. What makes me laugh in this situation is: I'm college educated. I have my master's degree, and I am working on my PhD. I've been married (and divorced). I have kids (and a dog). I own my own home in New Jersey (which is relatively expensive, in a good neighborhood). I make very good money at what I do. He is younger than me (2 years), he did not finish college. He works as a warehouse manager and makes significantly less than I do. He still relies a bit on his parents (although not financially.) he rents a 1 bedroom apartment in a cheaper neighborhood. he has had significant relationships, but never married no kids. I feel like I make much more than him, and am in a better place financially. Why can't I help pay for stuff? Because men hold doors, pay the check, let a woman order first, pull out chairs, hold car doors, buy flowers.... and women...sit around and look hot? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amipushy Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 It would really annoy me if a man paid for everything. I own my own home, I own my own car, brought up my children, worked hard all my life, pay my own bills, why the hell shouldnt I/wouldn't I want pay for my own food? I will let a man pay for the first date if he insists as I am not going to make a scene but after that we go dutch or I pay for the next one. It sounds like a form of subjugation if a man pays for everything (god I sound like a feminist lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrKitten Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Because men hold doors, pay the check, let a woman order first, pull out chairs, hold car doors, buy flowers.... and women...sit around and look hot? lol I find this pretty insulting. I'd never date a guy with this kind of mentality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amipushy Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Maybe you should have a serious chat with him. Its not right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allielynn Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I find this pretty insulting. I'd never date a guy with this kind of mentality. Well, the other thing about him is..... he has a VERY submissive personality. At first I thought it was "cute and interesting". Sexually submissive as well as emotionally/physically/whatever. Like..if I were to ask him to complete a list of chores Cinderella style while I went out, he would comply and probably enjoy himself.... The "doormat" behavior wore on me, which was why we broke up for a while. (Maybe it was pregnancy hormones? I couldn't stand it anymore). He actually said recently "I just needed you to need me." Dude..im 27. i need nobody. Since recon, he seems to have grown a backbone.... although the whole "treating a lady right" thing is still a huge issue. But..i guess in the grand scheme of things, it's an issue I can live with... I'm picking my battles. This one isn't huge for me...within reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 He actually said recently "I just needed you to need me." Dude..im 27. i need nobody. this is very telling. Maybe he pushes for that upper hand "gentleman" role because he feels inadequate and wants to feel needed by you. Or something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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