alfalfa Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 hello enotalone, so for the short story: dated this guy for 5 years. he was my first boyfriend, best friend, and the love of my life. and i was his. i broke his heart... it's been almost 6 years since we broke up. we stayed best friends after the breakup until about 2 years ago. we randomly get in touch every few months now, but it's not the same... and it's at the point where it just feels DONE. women i would like to hear your opinion too... but especially the MEN... how would you feel if you got this short and sweet letter from an ex... 6 years after a breakup... but years and years ago, she WAS the love of your life.. : (names made up) " dear roger, hi i can't believe how close i was to you, and now i feel like i'm writing to a stranger. but the feelings are all still there for me. the memories i just need you to know, that i still think about you nearly every day. not in a sad way, but a happy way. it has taken me way too long to tell you everything, and i'm sorry for that. i can remember so many moments with you, that were perfect, but i was scared. if you want to know why, it is because i guess i always still had a bit of hope left, and at the same time didn't realize it was up to me to fix it, and thought that opening my mouth would scare you away. but roger, i don't think you really know how much you meant to me, and still do, because i didn't show you enough, but you do. so many things still remind me of you. and when i think of it, i feel happy. and then sad because i hurt you the way i did. i really, really want to say sorry. i'm sorry roger. it just kills me to think of how i hurt someone that means so much to me, i mean it. it's no excuse, we were just so young, and i didn't realize what i was doing wrong. not that it matters anymore, and i understand that, but at least for the sake of when we were you n me, i love you. you were the best friend i've ever had. and i'm sorry. i'm not asking for you (i should have done that about 23904820357 times by now, but can literally pinpoint every time i didn't, and the reason why... dumb). but you hold such a good strong place with me that i need you to know these things. please be happy roger you really are one in a million. xxx tricia bellwood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seoulmate Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Wow....if I received a letter like that I would be brought to my knees. I think given the time apart it is fine with sending it. Clearly this was a very special person in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeftBehind Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 This really hits home with me. My split was exactly 6 years ago last week, and she hasn't really spoken a word to me since. I've longed for a letter like this from her for years. I'm actually quite speechless. I didn't think someone would do something like this after so long, but you prove that wrong. Good on you for doing this. I hope you get a nice response! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alfalfa Posted June 14, 2012 Author Share Posted June 14, 2012 This really hits home with me. My split was exactly 6 years ago last week, and she hasn't really spoken a word to me since. I've longed for a letter like this from her for years. I'm actually quite speechless. I didn't think someone would do something like this after so long, but you prove that wrong. Good on you for doing this. I hope you get a nice response! hey, thank you but can i ask you, are you over her yet? because if he was still in love with me, i would feel confident sending this. thing is, i KNOW he is over me. he wasn't for a long time, but now, he is... and while i am aching to say these things to him, JUST so he knows, im' scared of looking like the crazy ex. can i ask you, what difference would it make to you if you got this from your ex girlfriend... ??? would you forgive her??? would you be more or less open to talking to her again??? would you see her as "desperate"??? i don't care if i never hear from him again (well i do... but thats not the point). i just need him to know, at SOME point, how i feel. just cuz he was so so so so so good to me, and he deserves it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I think that if "roger" is married or has a serious girlfriend, this letter could be disturbing/disruptive to him. If he has stayed single and has been feeling the same way, then it might be welcome. What do you 'want' from this? Do you want to reconnect and get back with "roger?" If you don't, then i might consider just writing and not sending for your own benefit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alfalfa Posted June 14, 2012 Author Share Posted June 14, 2012 I think that if "roger" is married or has a serious girlfriend, this letter could be disturbing/disruptive to him. If he has stayed single and has been feeling the same way, then it might be welcome. What do you 'want' from this? Do you want to reconnect and get back with "roger?" If you don't, then i might consider just writing and not sending for your own benefit. yes, he has a girlfriend now. that's about when we stopped keeping contact. they seem pretty serious. he calls me every time they break up... but then disappears when they get back together. at this very moment, i believe they are happy. no, i do not want to get back together with him. he has a girlfriend, i'm not psycho lol!!? i don't want anything out of it. just to know that he knows i am sorry and really did care about him. that's it, honest. i've spent the last 4 years getting over this, and that's why i haven't written him until now....... because 2 years ago, i WOULD have been writing him hoping to get something out of it. i was in a bad place. i wrote all kinds of letters to him but just to keep for myself. but now i'm in a GOOD place... have grown, see the whole thing in a differnet light, but haven't forgotten him... he just deserves it. he loved me for so so many years. and i loved him too, just didnt do as good a job at showing him that as he did. we were young, simple as that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resilient7 Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Curious to knwo what kind of a RS you two had during those 5 years together? I do think you should send it even though he does have this GF,I dont think it makes you selfish like many would tell you.I believe from what you describe that you truly have grown and realized where you went wrong and given thats its been such a long time now I dont see the harm.If you do send it tells how it goes,I would honestly be happy to receive such a letter,verbatim! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xCx Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 If he has a girlfriend, No. Don't send it. You will look like the crazy ex, trying to get a past boyfriend back who has moved on. If you don't want to seem that way and do want to get the gist of the message accross, keep it short and light hearted. i.e. "Hi Roger, its been ages but such-and-such reminded me of the time we (past shared experience - keep it light, preferably something funny & nothing romantic). I still have fond memories of our time together and will always appreciate having had you in my life. I hope all is well! - Your name If he still has warm feelings for you and wants to stay in contact, he'll respond and then you can elaborate on your initial message. If you get no response, or a negative one, then you can at least take comfort that you won't be perceived as desperate or crazy. Best of luck with whatever you decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeftBehind Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Well. I don't know. I don't think I am over her, but I've resided myself to the fact that she's long gone and isn't coming back. Last I heard she's living with someone and has been for a couple of years. She probably assumes I've totally moved on though, which is kind of funny. I don't know what difference it would make, honestly. Some days I feel like it would just make me angry and I'd completely ignore her. Other days I feel like I would be totally open to talking to her again. As far as desperation, I don't see that in there. You aren't explicitly stating that you love him or need him back in your life, so I don't get that impression. What are you looking for out of this? I wrote a letter to the same ex I mentioned and we exchanged e-mails a couple of times, but that was it. We also ran into each other at the bar. She grabbed the back of my hair, which was SO SO weird. I was about to turn around and punch whoever did it until I saw it was her. We made the weirdest eye contact ever, and I knew immediately from her body language that something about our split still bugged her, even if it was subconscious and even though she dumped me. We ignored each other after some idle conversation for the rest of the night and I didn't even acknowledge her when I left. It was so awkward. The eye contact, though. Something hurt her deeply, but to this day she will not tell me what it is. And that really bugs me. I wish she would. Regardless of the fact that your ex is with someone, you never know what's really going on underneath all of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alfalfa Posted June 14, 2012 Author Share Posted June 14, 2012 I really just want to apologize to him for hurting him. If I got a phonecall from him afterwars to meet up, it would be a huge bonus, but that is not what i am expecting or want. we basically stayed best friends for about 4 years after the breakup, so it never really felt like i lost him. then we he cut me out of his life (not sure if its because he just got fed up, or because of this new girl) with absolutely no explanation, it hit me, and HARD. i've been slowly over the last 3 years trying to get over it. 3,2, even 1 year ago i was in no place to write him a heartfelt letter, because i WOULD have been expecting something from it. i think i am finally in a good enough place within myself to tell him my regrets with no expectations in return. he crosses my mind all the time, like i said in the letter, in a GOOD way, but then i'm always hit with this sour feeling afterwars because of how bad i screwed it up and hurt him. he was my best friend, one of those people that never leaves you... y'know? I like your last line: regardless of the fact that your ex is with someone, you never know what's really going on underneath all of that. no... i don't know. but i can take his absense of contact and response to any messasge i send him as an "I AM OVER YOU"... he seems to randomly pop back into my life all the time. since he started dating this girl 2 and a half (3?) years ago he basically dropped off the face of the earth. but maybe once every 2 months he would call me and say how much he misses me. that started to become less and less... i saw him about 2 months ago. he invited himself over to my friend's house, of course i said yes. the next day i saw he had deleted me from facebook... i know it's just facebook (i dont even use it), but is the simpe fact that he specifically deleted ME a sign that he does NOT want to talk to me anymore??? i don't know how to get over this guy and become myself again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alfalfa Posted June 14, 2012 Author Share Posted June 14, 2012 Curious to knwo what kind of a RS you two had during those 5 years together? I do think you should send it even though he does have this GF,I dont think it makes you selfish like many would tell you.I believe from what you describe that you truly have grown and realized where you went wrong and given thats its been such a long time now I dont see the harm.If you do send it tells how it goes,I would honestly be happy to receive such a letter,verbatim! thank you for the record, we were young, but had a perfect and i mean perfect relationship for 5 years. best friends, did everything together, never stopped loving eachother, perfect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alfalfa Posted June 14, 2012 Author Share Posted June 14, 2012 I appreciate what you're saying. And normally, I would agree. I am a pretty level headed girl and think a love letter is usually a crazy idea and gives women the "crazy label" that they have lol. but i genuinely know that I am NOT sending this to get him back. The only reason I want to send something from the heart, is because I have such a rich history with this guy... I am only 24 years old, and we were the biggest most important part of eachothers lives for 10ish years. There were so many strong emotions felt on both of our parts... Before, during, and after the relationship... That I think it is worth a little more than a lighthearted "thanks I hurt this guy, bad, during the breakup, and was so young and stupid I didn't even realize it. He just stayed my best friend while he silently hurt inside. I know he has no use for me anymore, and i risk looking stupid... but i NEED to at some point get my message accross to him. i've been trying to for about 3 years. i'm ready to... i wish it could be in person... i just don't see that happening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I think he knows you cared for him. If he has a girlfriend that he is serious about, don't throw doubt or a monkey wrench into things. He has forgiven you and moved on, otherwise he wouldn't have talked to you for those two years. People can forgive in their hearts without some big hoopla. They don't need to come out and tell someone about it. Also, how do you know he "silently hurt inside" for two years? I think you are projecting your feelings on him. Please move on. He has. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumPI Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Nice letter. Have you chances to meet him in real life for a cup of coffee or something? I'd do that, catch up and then either say what you mean or hand him the letter. I also hope you don't have high expectations. By the way I'd like if you could provide some answers to my threads here and here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resilient7 Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Like a couple other posters I think you should either send the letter or try and catch up with him in person.In no way are you seen as crazy or stalkerish,I;d forget about that if I were you.Its only because of the way in which you worded your letter a dn the fact that you 2 have had such a rich and warm history together and for such a long time,do it! Heck even his GF probabl wouldnt mind because nothing in your letter has it saying you want him back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 The twelve steps to recovery that are used in AA can be used for recovery in other situations where there is emotional distress. However, the reality of one of the steps is (paraphrase): Continued to make amends wherever possible so long as doing so would not injure myself, them or others. I think the letter is a good idea BUT I think the language would be better off if you toned it down to something so neutral he could easily show his girlfriend without it causing a fuss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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