yolo23 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Well we broke up last wednesday (May 30). bad one. she ended moving out and havent talked to her since. She left a note saying all these things. which keep replaying in my head: this is what it said (if you like to read it) everytime we try to talk we argue so this leaves this as the last method to communicate im sorry that things ended the way they did, we pushed the arguements to the point of disrespecting eachother and it should have never gotten that far im sorry that we cant be friends that you think the last 8 months have been a waste of time for you. i dont know how to make you believe me when i say that you truly are an awesome guy. the feeling and the fun that i had with you were amazing and genuine not many girls can say that they have dated someone as good as you and as for your family theyre one of a kind you dad is cool as hell and your mom makes cheesescake just to make cheesecake i really did enjoy spending time with them and you i think that our monthly fights and especially the last one was the point where i started worrying more. after my mom told me that you said that you loved me then you told me you didnt i could tell that you werent sure of either how you felt about me or you were lying to make me happy which i suspect has happened numerous times and sometimes thats ok but you never really told me what i needed to hear sometimes either your opinion your feelings (true) or things that i need to improve on my end. I know that i dont communicate verbally as well as i should, but that doesnt mean that i dont feel pain or hurt or lose just because i dont verbalize it. youll always have been and important part of my life, whether you believe it or not your a great catch, i dont need to tell you that though. youll see if for yourself when your ready. i want you to find happiness for yourself and then to accessorize it. i only wish you the best i know youll get it. and i know you will find someone that can live up to your expectations you have that i couldn't fulfill. Our moms were right you mom saying that we are on different levels in our lives and my mom saying i dont deserve you. that problem was never you and i swear to you that im not leaving you or choosing someone else over you. I'm convinced that the confused and problematic one has always been me i need to reset myself to zero and figure myself out again thank you for being so patient with me the last several months and caring i know those are traits you got from your family ill miss them, your entire family, and you. I know (her dogs name) will too. he's been waiting for the last 4 hours for you and (my dog name), waiting at the door, and whining to go outside to look for yall. I already miss (my dogs name). when/if you want to be friends or if you want to visit (her dogs name), let me know. He will love that take care of yourself please this keeps replaying in my head. especially the friends porition, but i know if I make contact its an excuse for me to see how she is doing and reconnect. for god sakes, she didn't even contact me on my birthday this past weekend (she knows it will hurt me). Now i'm left confused, hurt, and doubting myself and everything I believed a woman should be treated. why? because how can the woman you fall in with, think your: 1. "truly an awesome guy" 2. "believe it or not you’re a great catch" 3. "not many girls can say that they have dated someone as good as you" but then break up with you? if i am this great catch how come she didnt want me? Friends tell me: 1. "if she wanted you she would work it out, she obviously didn't" 2. "that note was all excuses, if a person needs excuses to make themselves believe leaving is good, then they don't know how to fight properly" 3. "its simple, you weren't worth her time" its seems like this was more for her sake than mine.... whats your opinion? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeryConfused17 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 What your friends told you #2) It was excuses. That's pretty much spot on. Often times a dumper will break up without a singled-defined reason. She has her reasons, you probably will never find out EXACTLY what they are. This letter is her just trying to convince herself that she is letting you down easy. I wouldn't doubt the thing she said about you( "awesome, great catch, etc"). My ex told me similair things when we broke up. I still don't know exactly why we broke up, she said it was communication between us, and she thinks it was her, or maybe it was me. Never got an exact answer. Please don't waste your time trying to figure out the reason she broke up with you, or anymore time why she wrote the letter, or even what it says. Slash burn, man. Put in your rearview mirror. I can't stress how important (yet very hard to do) to not contact her, and concentrate on yourself. take your time to sort out your emotions and thoughts. Then start taking steps toward your own future, not one with her. almost 6 months since I cut contact with my ex and i am feeling awesome. I'm in better shape (physically and mentally), and on track with my career (more than I eve rwas with her). When I do think about her, I at least know that she doesn''t hate me, but it really doesn't matter because shes no longer in my life. I hope she does well for herself, and thats that. Stay strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 She wants to reassure you that you are a great guy (which you probably are) and that it's not "you" or something you did or could have done differently. It's just not working for her. It's hard to break up with someone and be clear.....if you're too nice, they don't get it and if you're too mean, it's like "didn't I ever mean anything to you?". There's no good way or easy way to let someone down. It sucks on both sides. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yolo23 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Share Posted June 13, 2012 She wants to reassure you that you are a great guy (which you probably are) and that it's not "you" or something you did or could have done differently. It's just not working for her. It's hard to break up with someone and be clear.....if you're too nice, they don't get it and if you're too mean, it's like "didn't I ever mean anything to you?". There's no good way or easy way to let someone down. It sucks on both sides. not working for her? then there has to be something i'm missing if its not working for her. how can one be "great" or state "not many girls can say that they have dated someone as good as you" and yet, not want them? you have to be missing something... sucks on both sides? i doubt that. shes not thinking about me 24/7, waking up in the morning feeling empty in your chest, missing her every single moment of the day it hurts. I highly doubt that. always easier on the dumper than the dumpee according to this site. So sucks on both sides? no, its always one sided during a break up... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gluestick Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 not working for her? then there has to be something i'm missing if its not working for her. how can one be "great" or state "not many girls can say that they have dated someone as good as you" and yet, not want them? you have to be missing something... sucks on both sides? i doubt that. shes not thinking about me 24/7, waking up in the morning feeling empty in your chest, missing her every single moment of the day it hurts. I highly doubt that. always easier on the dumper than the dumpee according to this site. So sucks on both sides? no, its always one sided during a break up... Nothing is ever one sided. Unless you were a horrible human being to your ex, I'd say she feels saddened by the breakup to a certain extent. I agree that the ones blindsided by the breakup usually have it worse than the dumper, the exception being a force dump. Anyway, just because you're "great" doesn't mean you are a good match or compatible for your ex. There are millions of "great" people out there. If that's the case, then your ex would be with every single one of them, but she's not. The point is...different strokes for different folks. Maybe you were "the one" for your ex at one point in the relationship, but things changed and she'd rather start over with someone else. It might not be anything you did specifically, it could be her or outside influence. Whatever the case, we as dumpees will never truly know why. There is no point in obsessing over it either. Instead, just focus on YOURSELF and eventually find someone who does want to be with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zero71 Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I think it's best to just try to move forward. You will never know the true reasons for her dumping you. You might get some clues and hear about her from other people but no one truly knows what goes on in your ex's head except her. Either way there's nothing you can do. Who knows she might come back and by the time she does you would have found an even better girlfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yolo23 Posted June 14, 2012 Author Share Posted June 14, 2012 I think it's best to just try to move forward. You will never know the true reasons for her dumping you. You might get some clues and hear about her from other people but no one truly knows what goes on in your ex's head except her. Either way there's nothing you can do. Who knows she might come back and by the time she does you would have found an even better girlfriend. Yeah. I'm beginning to realize that this letter was really for her closure rather than mine. All my close friends think is all excuses and a bunch of bullsh*t. I gave her the benefit of doubt, but the more I look at it. She just doesnt care anymore and never cared. I dont know why I am stuck on a woman who doesnt want me. She knows she hurt me bad, but just doesnt care a single bit. I guess in her case this is true: "Only those dead inside could walk away feeling nothing. Only those empty and incapable of love could forget" - she left me with no regrets or emotion. hurts because damn, i gave this one my all.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patterned Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 How long were you together? Not real long I take it. I don't know it's a pretty nice letter if you ask me. You were a great partner, you gave a lot. She just wasn't that into you. It wasn't working for her and she couldn't make it work for her as much as she wanted to. It also sounds like she found difficulty being expressive and that wasn't working for you (fights?). In any case your relationship was valuable to her but in the end it wasn't working for her. Be angry it's fine, it helps. If you're anything like me you'll vacillate between a lot of perspectives trying to process it. Just don't take any actions on those feelings. I think in the end it was a good letter and you'll appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yolo23 Posted June 14, 2012 Author Share Posted June 14, 2012 How long were you together? Not real long I take it. I don't know it's a pretty nice letter if you ask me. You were a great partner, you gave a lot. She just wasn't that into you. It wasn't working for her and she couldn't make it work for her as much as she wanted to. It also sounds like she found difficulty being expressive and that wasn't working for you (fights?). In any case your relationship was valuable to her but in the end it wasn't working for her. Be angry it's fine, it helps. If you're anything like me you'll vacillate between a lot of perspectives trying to process it. Just don't take any actions on those feelings. I think in the end it was a good letter and you'll appreciate it. Pattern, we were together for 8 months. When we first started dating, she told me she didnt want a relationship. I told her fine, but in the back of my mind i thought she would change her mind, well. time moved on and i started to Fall, and ended up falling. The last 2 months we had fights and it was over our relationship in some shape or form. It was draining on both of us. When I look at it, we were not on the same level. She's 25 graduating from grad school. I'm 30, Officer in the Air Force, and leaving next year. She didn't want to do long distance. Its crazy because, she introduced me to her parents (which loved me so much because they kept emailing me saying they miss me), she took me on their yearly family vacation, introduced me to her cousins. I did the same on my side. We gone through some pretty emotional stuff too (almost had a kid) and I was with her and didn't leave her during that time. I stood by her side through so many emotional moments and never quit. hurts because I gave her my all and still will... I miss her, and everything in me wants her back...but you can't change how people feel... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patterned Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Honestly man it sounds like it was awesome. And 8 months is a normal period of time to figure it out. I realize it hurts. But I hope you can soon enjoy it for what it was. I think you'd feel worse if you didn't represent yourself well. It sounds like you did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yolo23 Posted June 14, 2012 Author Share Posted June 14, 2012 Honestly man it sounds like it was awesome. And 8 months is a normal period of time to figure it out. I realize it hurts. But I hope you can soon enjoy it for what it was. I think you'd feel worse if you didn't represent yourself well. It sounds like you did. I did my best. its funny because I just found out now through a mutual friend, they were at the mall and she said i was gallant to her. Gallant which means: 1. brave, spirited, noble-minded, or chivalrous: a gallant knight 2. exceptionally polite and attentive to women; courtly. 3. a brave, noble-minded, or chivalrous man. 4. a man exceptionally attentive to women. 5. a stylish and dashing man. 6. a suitor or lover. so...i'm still confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Oops....I posted my response twice. Sorry about that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 not working for her? then there has to be something i'm missing if its not working for her. how can one be "great" or state "not many girls can say that they have dated someone as good as you" and yet, not want them? you have to be missing something... sucks on both sides? i doubt that. shes not thinking about me 24/7, waking up in the morning feeling empty in your chest, missing her every single moment of the day it hurts. I highly doubt that. always easier on the dumper than the dumpee according to this site. So sucks on both sides? no, its always one sided during a break up... Surely you are in the sucker position right now. One day you'll probably be the dumper of a great person who did nothing wrong (just not the right fit) and letting them down while they don't get it will also suck. Maybe not as much, but it feels bad. It doesn't mean she is empty/dead inside or incapable of love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yolo23 Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 Surely you are in the sucker position right now. One day you'll probably be the dumper of a great person who did nothing wrong (just not the right fit) and letting them down while they don't get it will also suck. Maybe not as much, but it feels bad. It doesn't mean she is empty/dead inside or incapable of love. I'll be honest with you. I never broke up with anyone. I know the feeling of being dumped and I would never want to put people through that. I rather be single. She told me before she left she is incapable of being in love. She even told me I don't know what love is and I really don't love her... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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