laura40 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I'm going to summarise this as I'm a little busy today I went on a date on Monday with a guy I had been chatting to online for the past 2 weeks. He seems lovely, we had a really nice time on the date. In fact he was the perfect gentleman. He wants to meet me again on Friday. The thing that seems to bother me is the fact he's only been separated from his wife for 6 months (they split up in December 2011). They're legally still married and have only just started divorce proceedings. He doesn't see her (or so he says) but they have a child together and he sees his child twice a week. He was married for 8 years. When we were chatting online & texting, he seemed to talk about his ex wife, until I told him it made me feel uncomfortable and he said he'd stop mentioning her (which he did). Am I right in thinking that maybe he isn't really over her? I have a gut feeling he isn't and I don't want to get caught up in the whole divorce situation. He is a really nice guy (from what I've seen) and I do think I am in the initial stages of liking him. He compliments me all the time & has told me he likes me. I am just worried it's too soon for him. Any thoughts/advice welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 He's not over her and he's a married man. I'd wait until his divorce was final at least a year, but that's just me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura40 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Share Posted June 13, 2012 He's not over her and he's a married man. I'd wait until his divorce was final at least a year, but that's just me. Hi, that's what I thought - he's not fully over her. I don't know why the marriage finished (felt it was too personal a question to ask) but the fact he used to talk about her quite a lot just made me think he needs time before he starts dating again. I do think I should wait until he's officially divorced. I've been in a sort of similar situation before and it didn't end too well (the guy told me he was still in love with his ex-wife so couldn't date me anymore!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 It's too soon for some. For others, I'm sure it's fine. I really think it's individual to the relationship they had, how well thought-out the divorce is (sometimes by the time someone files, it's just a formality), how quickly one bounces back (some people take no time at all, some people take years). I don't think there is a right/wrong to this question, but it's definitely a risk at this stage. I say go with your gut. You seem to think he's still hung up on her - so maybe he is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura40 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Share Posted June 13, 2012 It's too soon for some. For others, I'm sure it's fine. I really think it's individual to the relationship they had, how well thought-out the divorce is (sometimes by the time someone files, it's just a formality), how quickly one bounces back (some people take no time at all, some people take years). I don't think there is a right/wrong to this question, but it's definitely a risk at this stage. I say go with your gut. You seem to think he's still hung up on her - so maybe he is. Thanks RedDress, it's a tough call really as he does seem like a decent guy. I don't really wanna give up on him that easily but if he's still hung up over his ex, then maybe I should leave him be. I have to work now but I'll give it some thought! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allielynn Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Sometimes, a marriage is over before it's over....if that makes sense. When I was married, I was out the door and felt like a liberated woman. Within weeks I went on my first date. I has been "over" my ex for a long time..In fact, years earlier I would have had the exact same reaction.... most of the time, people stay together for comfort and have no real desire to be together. That certainly makes "healing" much easier. Lol. Just because he talks about her doesn't mean he loves her. He could be bitter about how the relationship ended, or frustrated about the lack of time he sees his child. I would keep seeing him, causally, and reassess the situation after a few more weeks, when you know each other well enough to outright say "Hey, I just want to be sure, before we go further that your marriage is done and you are truly over your wife. Please make sure, because I deserve to have someone 100% emotionally invested in me".... but honestly? I think you are in the clear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markfromark Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Too early. I dated when I was separated and some [smart] women told me flat out that they would not date a man within a year of his divorce. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I think people move on at different speeds, I think that you have to judge for yourself based on your interaction with him if he is still attached to his ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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