Feelings for a friend.

[Anonymous951]

Ok, this is going to sound pretty much like a typical ‘develops feelings for a friend’ story.

 

Here goes:

I’ve known this girl for close to 8 years. I was casual friends with her for 2 years until she became my best friend, then a male friend of mine started dating her (This would be when we were aged 15) I was dating a girl at the time anyway but we still remained best friends. I was closer to her than any of my male friends.

 

2 years passed until the end of high school and the start of college where we both came out of our relationships, being her best friend I was the one who comforted her through the break up and vice versa. A few weeks before she came out of her relationship, her boyfriend (A friend of mine) cheated on her and told me he was going to break up with her. I didn’t tell her at the time purely for the fact that it would have devastated her and caused massive problems in my group of friends, to this day I still haven’t told her because it would only hurt her.

 

Because of the break-up she left college and I entered another relationship, we slowly drifted apart and stopped talking for months because of her work schedule and me being busy with college work. After a long period of not talking and probably 2 years of not seeing each other (Due to my new girlfriend disliking her greatly) we saw each other at a friend’s house. We spent hours talking, and as I was lying on the couch she laid down next to me, kissed my chest and fell asleep in my arms; at this point I started to develop feelings for her. I wanted to take care of her.

 

The next day after we had left my friend’s house she texted me saying she was sorry for what happened, a few weeks of talking on the phone and texting later she told me she wanted me. I eventually stopped talking to her because I was developing stronger feelings for her. I broke up with my girlfriend a year later (The November just gone) and not 2 days later I was texted by the girl.

 

I hate to admit that I hadn’t stopped thinking about her since the night she fell asleep in my arms, although I was happy with my girlfriend I knew I would probably never be as happy with her as I would be with my old best friend; the girl whom I had never argued with and meshed with so perfectly. She was in a relationship with a new guy at this point; she had been in 2 relationships prior to this one too.

 

During the next few months of texting she admitted she had feelings for me back then, that she only felt wanted when she thought about me wanting her, she even stopped texting me and later told me she did it because she was developing more feelings for me. She broke up with the most recent guy a month ago, and even though I was glad I still acted the friend: comforted her and made sure she was alright.

 

She knows I have strong feelings for her. I recently asked her if I could take her out to dinner sometime and her response was that she didn’t want to date anyone right now. I know that can mean ‘I don’t want to date you’, but she’s adamant that she doesn’t want to date anyone at all right now.

 

What am I supposed to do? I’ve watched for 8 years as she has dated assholes and idiots, cheaters and controlling guys. I feel like telling her I’m done, but at the same time I feel as if I would lose a part of myself if I did. She has had feelings for me before and openly admitted them, and we’ve always either both been in a relationship or one of us has; but as soon as it’s possible for us to be together she doesn’t want a relationship.

 

Do I tell her I can’t just be friends? Because I will always want more. Do I wait, be patient and hope that she changes her mind? I think everybody knows how I feel, advice?

 

Sorry for the wall of text.

[pl3asehelp]

So first off, it's a mistake to keep the secret from her that she was cheated on if she is your friend. It would not 'only' hurt her. You can't for sure predict her reaction and for all you know, she's carrying a torch for him which she'd promptly extinguish if she knew she'd been cheated on.

 

Next, I don't think you just started developing feelings for her when you say. I think it was earlier and your girlfriend prior to that could tell which is why she greatly disliked her. You may not have even realized it or admitted it to yourself.

 

Yes, you tell her you can't be friends. I don't think you ever were.

 

It's not clear to me if you currently have a girlfriend, but if so or if you plan on having another one in the future, all contact with this girl has to end.

 

She's enjoyed the attention and if she REALLY cared about you you guys would be together now.

[Keyman]

I think it's time to step away from her again.

 

She only seems to have feelings for you when she is in another relationship and things might not be going so well. She knows you have feelings for her but when she is single, she doesn't seem to want that.

 

You've always been there for her as a friend, and she has become addicted to this. She knows, no matter what, you will be there to pick up the pieces should something go wrong. This is what you are to her, and thats all. If there was something more, she would have pushed for something more.

 

I wouldn't be upfront about anything, I would just drop out of orbit and get on with my life. I would stop calling, texting, and being there for her. You know what you want, she doesn't. You can't force her, but staying in the smae way will lead you to forever being in that place.

 

So back away. You've done it before and you can do it again.