Should I tell my ex how I feel or finally move on?

[flow90]

I've posted on here in the past, if anyone cares to look at my previous threads go ahead..

 

In short, have had an on/off relationship with my ex for the past 2 years now. The reason why its on and off, is mainly him running away any time he feels pressure from me. The reason why I push him is because I'm scared of him disappearing and hurting me as he's done so in the past, and I need reassurance from him...which makes him run away!

 

Anyway, the last time we tried again was in february which lasted about a month, and I went NC for 2 months after... I broke NC as it was his birthday when we had tried again and I got him some concert tickets for one of his favourite bands... I had never given them to him as things hadn't worked out and was just going to go with a friend... but a week before the concert I felt like I had to tell him about it because I knew he would love to see the band and it wouldn't have felt right going when they were originally for him.. I wasn't sure if he would accept or not, but thought I'd mention it to him either way.

 

He replied and told me he'd love to go and so we went together. I wasn't expecting anything and just acted like I was with an old friend... we were having a great time, and he mentioned that it was weird that we hadn't seen eachother in so long yet were getting along like we saw eachother yesterday, to which i responded that we've always been like that.. which is true! as we've been on/off for the past 2 years! About half way through the concert he kissed me, and the rest of the night he was constantly kissing me, had his arms around, etc.

 

At the end of the night he asked me to go back with him, but I told him he was crazy. (I didn't want him to think I was someone he could meet up with every 3 months to have sex with!) He didn't mention it again, and when he left said we'd speak soon.

That night he text me when he got home, and the following day he text me again thanking me for the ticket, and said he had a great time and that it was good to see me. I replied saying that I had a great time too.. but didn't ask a question or continue the conversation as he hadn't asked me a question.... And I thought if he wants me he has to chase me, as he's the one to always run in the past.

 

About 5 days went by and I didn't hear from him, and I saw him online, so I posted him a link to a video from the concert that we went to, and he wrote back asking how I was, I replied and then asked how he was... he didn't answer for about an hour and then said he had to go and that we'd talk later... Its been 5 days and haven't heard from him! I've seen him online a few times but he hasn't tried talking to me.

 

I wouldn't have expected anything, but the fact that he kissed me and wanted to spend more time with me after the concert, showed me he still feels something for me.. and it has just left me confused now. I don't know if I should try talking to him about what happened, but then I don't want to push him away again. However I don't think I can move on without finding out where I stand with him!

 

What should I do?

[Lilon]

Why not tell him? You have nothing to lose

[GetOverItPlz]

My advice? Don't. You're gonna do exactly what you would rather not do. Push him away.

 

The unfortunate fact of this is that he made a promise to you that he'd see you more. He's not coming through on that promise. Clearly you guys were in a good enough position to kiss, cuddle, whatever. Yet he's not following through. Why is that?

 

Maybe he realized that's not what he really wants? Maybe it's just not a good time? Regardless, his silence has told you where he is right now.

 

That's not me being cynnical, that's just me speaking from experience. Your experience may vary, but trying to make him spend time with you when it's not the natural progress might not be a good idea.

[gluestick]

If a guy wants to be with you, he would be. It's that simple. If he's flaking here and there, then that should give a clear idea what he wants and where you stand. You can tell him how you feel to give yourself peace of mind, but don't expect anything in return.

[rainbows1]

Uncertainty hurts people but it keeps them hooked. Its sort of an addiction, the on and off relationship. However in the long run, theres nothing here that is going to make you feel good about yourself, especially when you could be spending the time with someone who doesn't ignore you or want to see you when it suits them. Most successful relationships aren't on an 'on and off' basis, its probably not going to work out in the near future. Move on, theres nothing else you can do really.

[ToF]

Yeah, he's just not showing any motivation to be with you. Being at the concert with you likely generated some good feelings on his end, thus the kissing and asking for you back. Your evidence that it was circumstantial, lies in the fact that he has dropped off again now that you two are back in the real world. If he had actually had an epiphany at the concert and realized you are his one true love ... He'd still be trying to get you back. But he's not. So don't hang around, showing him that you'll be around whenever he wants.

 

If I were you, I would end this cycle once and for all.

[carbon]

Stay strong and move on. All this going back and forth is not healthy for you. If you need to tell him how you feel, do so, but like others have said, if he wants to be with you, he would. If you decide you still want to be friends (I don't think it's a good idea) then let him know your boundaries, but more importantly, be clear of that with yourself. I'm not saying you don't have boundaries, as evidenced by the fact that you didn't go home with him, but you did let him kiss you, which is why you're all confused now. Not saying it's your fault that it happened - it's hard with an ex that you still have feelings for. But if you're going to be friends, you need to set clear boundaries.