curtain Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 For a few days now, I've been battling with the idea of sending him an email to tell him I love him, miss him and to ask for another chance. I know that I will get told it is the wrong thing to do, but how do I make this feeling of wanting to do it go away? It is overwhelming me. I couldn't sleep last night because I was planning what I would say. I tried to stop but couldn't. This morning when I got up I broke into a sweat and felt really faint. I had to throw my dressing gown off because I felt so hot all of a sudden and held on to the sink to steady myself. When I got to work I was consumed by thoughts of emailing him. I keep thinking I've not tried hard enough, I can't let eight years go without a fight, I didn't tell him I love him, perhaps I was too cold, came accross too angry when he came to get his stuff...if he only knew all this and the way I am feeling he might reconsider. I broke down in tears at work. I confessed to the one colleague that I am close to that i'm not coping. I'm scared, terrified....of facing a future without him, losing my home, my job, everything I have worked for. I am living in constant fear and worry. I barely held it together throughout the day. I kept thinking, I have to email him, I have to do SOMETHING! I am really struggling. This feeling won't go away. On the one hand, I feel like I didn't try hard enough to fight for our relationship and I would like to give it one last try. On the other, I can't handle another rejection and that is most likely what i'll get if I email him. But what if there is a small chance that it might work? Surely it's better to regret something you have done than something you haven't? How do I stop these thoughts? Please help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaciej Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 The worst thing you can do is to make decisions when you are desperate. You need to analyse your situation rationally. Making decisions in panic mode can be detrimental. When things are calmer you might feel differently. What if he doesnt respond or knocks you back...how will you feel. Look at the bigger picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J1535 Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I feel exactly the same. I know it's over but I keep getting the feeling that I need to try harder. I can't stand watching her walk away knowing I am doing nothing to keep her. I've had the thoughts this morning of emailing her, but posting on here has assured me that it is a very bad idea, which I agree with. I agree with jaciej, don't make these decisions when you are feeling desperate. If anything, write down the email you want to send and save it. come back to it later and think if it would really be a good idea to send it. You'll probably see that it isn't. I'm going to do that same thing. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curtain Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 Thanks to both of you for the advice. There must be something in the air...seems like a few of us have the same notion in our heads! I'm definitely a lot calmer now. I don't know what happened to me this morning, I definitely went into panic mode. But even though I'm calm now, I still have that feeling that if I don't give it one last try I will regret it. What if I look back in months or years to come and wish that I had told him that I loved him? How do I know that he is not waiting for me to contact him? This is so hard. I will do what you suggest J1535 and write down what I want to say. Hopefully it will help to just get the words out of my brain! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaciej Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 If you feel it helps, let him know that you still love him and your feelings.... but before you press "send" are you prepared for the response or non response? Are prepared to accept the feed-back should it be negative? Are you strong enough to handle such a blow? Will you be able to bounce-back to where you're currently at or will you hit rock-bottom? It may all work out for the best...who am I to say. But just be prepared. Brace yourself as they say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie176 Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I am feeling the same way, got this panic feeling that if i dont let him know that i still love him, that i miss him so much he will think i have moved on and will continue on without me. In reality he is anyway, with another woman but i still have that urge to tell him how i feel. This sucks xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curtain Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 If you feel it helps, let him know that you still love him and your feelings.... but before you press "send" are you prepared for the response or non response? Are prepared to accept the feed-back should it be negative? Are you strong enough to handle such a blow? Will you be able to bounce-back to where you're currently at or will you hit rock-bottom? It may all work out for the best...who am I to say. But just be prepared. Brace yourself as they say. I've written the email but not sent. I keep thinking through all the possible scenarios of what the response (or non response) might be and I don't think I could handle it if it were negative. Not right now anyway. I think the best thing to do is to sleep on it and see where I am at tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curtain Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 I am feeling the same way, got this panic feeling that if i dont let him know that i still love him, that i miss him so much he will think i have moved on and will continue on without me. In reality he is anyway, with another woman but i still have that urge to tell him how i feel. This sucks xxx I'm so sorry that your ex is with someone else. I understand what you're going through as two years ago my ex left and started seeing someone else immediately. Four weeks later he came back and told me it was a terrible mistake. We tried again but unfortunately this is where we are now. I have no idea if he has got someone new. I don't want to know. I keep telling myself ignorance is bliss. It's probably the main reason I won't email him, as the worse case scenario is if he tells me he's met someone else. My feelings are all over the place, you're right it just sucks x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brian12345 Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Unfortunately there is another side to the "what if" that I told myself (and still do 3.5 months post BU). What if pursuing them only pushes them further away and makes them more certain of their decision? Going NC is the damage control needed to calm emotions, gain perspective, and give them a chance to miss you. By pouring out your feelings you could make the situation worse, and make it less likely they regret their decision in the future. So the question I've asked myself and what you should remind yourself is which "what if" you want. One where you kept your dignity and made decisions that made sense based on what you knew, or one where you kept pushing them further away even when you knew it would lead to failure? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TriColors Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 A few months ago I texted my ex and told him I missed him. He asked me if I was drunk. It was the middle of the day. Don't do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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