OuchMyBrain Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 So awhile ago I used to post on here about my ex i've been hung up on for almost a year now. After a couple months I started dating 2 different people, and managed to deal with just hating my ex, even though I saw him constantly at work. I ultimately wound up quitting the job because of all the years of stress and drama. Anyways, recently after I quit the job, my ex got in contact with me, because he heard how depressed I was, and he offered to be there as a friend. I always had issues with him and us staying friends, because he had lied to me for a long time about a girl he was seeing (she was my enemy), and ultimately wound up humiliating me by putting it up online that they were together, when all along he had been lying to me that they weren't. I felt like I could never trust someone like that again, someone who flat out lied to me for months, and maybe even cheated on me with that girl. So anyways, I never wanted friendship. We tried many times to make things work and to be friends, but ultimately we would hangout, we would hookup, and he would tell me he made a mistake by hanging out with me because he was still with that other girl. I really thought for such a long time that he wound finally pick to be with me again, but nothing ever changed. So months went by, and recently he asked me to hangout. I figured that we could hangout and see how it goes. Of course the same thing wound up happening, and he gave me a stern talk about how he's not trying to be with me, he just wants to be friends, that's all he can offer me. He then went on to say "How could I ever think of anything more with you if we can't even be civil friends? I can't even think about a future relationship right now with you, so let's focus on our friendship and keep our personal life out of this". This is his excuse for keeping me in his life, while still being in a relationship with this other girl. Today ,after a heated debate, I told him that I can't do this anymore. I can't be his friend or even start clean slate if he is still with her. He told me it's not fair to make him choose (cause let's get real, he already chose her), and he went on with the guilt trip of how i'm irrational for expecting him to just drop her if we can't even be civil friends. I decided to stick to my gut, and say no, I really don't think its the right time for us to be friends, if things change in the future, let me know. He never wrote back. Of course I feel guilty. Please share your thoughts. Please tell me I did the right thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lastchallenge Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Forget that pitiful loser.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rickyspanish Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 how is it not fair to amke him choose. LOL . its not fair he broke up wiht you and is toying with you. he choose the toehr girl now let him live wihtt hat choice. dont try and be friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tothecoast Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 He sounds like a real a*hole, and not someone worth feeling guilty over. He's trying to have his cake and eat it too, and the BEST thing you can do is to not allow him to do that to you. His pattern is disrespectful to you and is all about his needs. And, I can't emphasize this part enough: it will feel SO empowering for you to kick him out of your life right now. As long he preys on your guilt (seriously, I'm getting pissed just thinking about this--what a jerk!!), he calls all the shots and makes all the decisions. Take that power away from him right now. This is your decision, and you're saying no. He doesn't deserve you to be your friend right now...trust me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OuchMyBrain Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 I have cut him out before and we hated each other and didn't speak for months. This was while I was dating other guys. I think now he just makes me feel guilty because he tells me after all this time we never established a healthy friendship before dating. He toys with my mind and makes me think that if we had that solid foundation, maybe he would think about something more. But the logical part of my brain keeps screaming "But he has a girlfriend...why is he even trying to be friends with his ex?". It just sucks, and I don't want to be sucked in yet again. This constantly happens. I was so excited for awhile because I thought I finally had gotten over him and kicked him out of my life. And once I was at a good place, I just responded to him once and he screwed me over yet again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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