How do you feel about your exes now?

[Celadon]

When you look back on your relationships with all your exes, do you think that you really did love every single one of them? Or were you together with any of your exes for other reasons?

 

I was talking with a friend about this, and it was a bit shocking to realize I have no feelings whatsoever about my exes. Granted, it's been awhile (years) since I dated them, but I'm starting to wonder if I deeply loved any of them. I mean, I guess I did because the break-ups were hard (some of them). But it's not like I ever look back on those relationships and think, "Oh, those were such great times we had..."

 

Makes me wonder if I'm just really bad at remembering and cherishing relationships, or if didn't love them, or if I just chose badly. 'Cause if you were to ask me to describe my exes today, I would probably be very matter of fact and not at all sentimental:

 

#1 BF was egotistical but very sexy.

#2 was funny but kind of gay.

#3 was handsome but boring.

#4 was talented but emotionally fragile.

#5 was brilliant and funny but self-absorbed.

 

So how do you feel about your exes? Do you think you loved them? Do you still think about any of them, and if so, positively or negatively?

[soybeans]

I have only had two serious long-term relationships, and two other short-term relationships.

 

My first boyfriend- we dated for 2 years. He was my first love. But I was 16 when we started dating and I didn't have much life/love experience. When we broke up my life crumbled and I spiraled into a deep depression. It taught me a lot. He left me for someone he worked with and then when they broke up a year later, he came back to me but it was a short-lived high. We tried to be friends recently after around 4 years of NC but it was just strange because we both changed so much. Regardless, he will always have a place in my heart...I do not wish him any ill-will. I just feel indifferent about him and the love feelings have definitely been gone for quite a while.

 

Second boyfriend- short term, around 4 months. I don't even think about him at all. I liked him a lot but looking back on it, he didn't feel the same about me and was just kind of "floating" through the relationship. We haven't spoken it years, don't have the desire to, but I wish him well in life.

 

Third boyfriend- the reason why I'm here. Need I say more?

 

Last boyfriend- didn't really feel a connection. It was a rebound relationship for me and I never really made myself emotionally available to him. I feel neutral about him. If he tried to contact me I would ignore him.

[RitaTrue]

#1 Laid back but racist

 

#2 Outgoing, funny, but controlling

 

#3 Attractive, funny, but mentally unstable

[PJK]

Hahaha I love these descriptions...funny but kind of gay, laid back but racist.

 

Anyway...for me

 

GF 1. Basically a physical thing but was something g we were both ok with at the time. Ended on pretty good terms. I actually think of her more than #2 now which isn't that much...every once in a while.

 

GF 2. 4 year relationship, she left ne for someone else. I'm over her and looking back in it she was really fun, and we were perfectfor eachother in most. ways but she was babied by her mom and was used to getting what she wanted and she was very idealistic so when the relationship lost the "warm fuzzy feelings" she went looking for it elsewhere. I haven't talked to her since december...I'm pretty indifferent toward her now.

 

GF 3. I wouldn't even call her a GF persay...it was my first attempt at dating after #2. We went out for 2.5 months and it ended pretty abruptly when we got in a fight. We just weren't a good fit. Ill probably never talk to her again.

[scared and alone]

I did have genuine feelings for all of them, some even love. And I thought I would NEVER get over them or stop resenting them. (granted, i was a teenager for all of them) but now, I really don't care. at all. I am so over it and beyond those relationships that I have no ill will towards any of them any more. Even the ones that broke my heart.

[The_Seeker]

Frankly, Celadon, I don't give a damn. ;]

 

Ha ha.

 

Anyway in all seriousness, never going back to them.

 

I don't think any of them. Why? I want someone who is strong enough to face a situation. Not someone who expects fairytale smooth sailing.

 

Not only that, it's great to meet more people in your life. ;]

 

I'm going on a date next Friday. LOL Even though my breakup was a month ago.

 

Also, I'm very confident. I have a new boyfriend every year. LOL

[Jeebo]

I think this is why they are referred to as "Old Flames."

 

If it was a serious relationship then I think it has a more lasting impression on people. I suppose it also depends on how it ends.

 

My first serious relationship started when I was 16, last until I was 19 and ended with a phone call with her telling me she's been seeing someone for 2 months, he got her pregnant and she wants to know if she can name the baby after me for all that I did for her over the years (she went into the military, when I went to college) ... So I don't really think about that one much, except laugh every time I see someone's face when I tell the story.

 

The second serious relationship lasted for 6 years and ended on good terms. We still care about each other as friends that know each other really well do. Randomly communicate silly things to each other and I look back on the moments we had fondly. I'm pretty sure if we were both single and in the same area that we'd have copious amounts of sex without intentions of getting back together as well. Just one of those weird ones that worked out that way.

[sodizzy]

I'm indifferent on most of my exes. The first one we were just too young to get as involved as fast as we did. I miss his friendship sometime and he was difficult to get over but I did choose to leave that relationship. I know I made the right choice.

 

My next ex - I still think about him again he was one of my best friends and we decided the friendship was perfect lets try relationship but that was terrible. I never felt the way about him that he felt about me. So in ending the relationship - we ended a great friendship. Good guy though, wish him the best.

 

My current ex is a good guy too. We just weren't compatible. But I also wish him the best. He's also the father of my children. I hope we can be better friends one day.

[BlackJackLee]

I'm someone who has looked back on her relationships too much in her lifetime.

 

#1 BF - I was 19, he was 23, first real serious boyfriend, sophomore year of college, first love, etc. we only dated a few months, for starters...he's one of those that has been in and out of my life since 05....(yes and tampering/maniupulating/distracting me while I've been in other relationships) known as 'toxic' in my mind now. He and I will text occassionally now but as of up til a couple months ago, I really feel neutral towards him, I don't like him, don't hate him, just have no real feelings towards him anymore, and yes I've been here before, but it at least feels different now a days.

 

#2 BF - Someone who was truly one of my best friends, turned lover. Unexpected lover. We dated a short time, and it was unusual because his family was of a different culture and all, but I accepted him and I was one of the first he really showed off to his friends, and was talking about marrying/moving me with him if he was stationed somewhere for the Air Force. It was the first time I felt like a best firend could be my lover too.

 

#3 BF - hit it off from the start met through mutual friends. He was home on leave and lived a few hours away. We had an intense week or two when he was home, and realized we wanted to try a long distance something because our chemsitry was just on point. The long distance/timing wasn't right. We eventually hung out a lot, everyone thought we should be back together, but I was in another relationship and wasn't willing to leave it, and over time, his pressuring me to want to be with me, wanting me to leave the #4 BF, got annoying, and pushed me away. I tried hard to remain freinds with him but we're not in each other's lives anymore, became too dramatic.

 

#4 BF - were togetehr almost 4 years, broke up a couple months ago, were living together, he moved out, we have been acting as if we're back togetehr for a few weeks now, but haven't had the official talk so I'm trying to enjoy the moment withotu worrying about labels and everything but we'll be talking soon enough because I can't just wander forever where he stands with everything. he truly is someone that complements me and I still consider him to be the one for me. He's the only guy Iv'e ever thought about marrying seriously. And to be the father of my kids. I've never felt available since we broke up. I just felt like it's been a break.

[Snny]

Out of all of my exes, there is one who I felt extremely close to. I would give the world to this one person and have done so. I shared my first moments with him... how can a person ever forget them? 9/11 war changed him. Things he witnessed in Iraq flipped a hard switch in his mind that he psychologically lost it. He came home violent and overly possessive in the worse way that it was too overbearing for me to handle. During our time apart with the war and the military, I grew up and became extremely independent, which he couldn't respect. It took a very long time for me to come to terms that not only did we become incompatible, but he was so damaged beyond repair that I could never have the times we once shared. He was by far the most attractive person I dated. To save my own sanity, I had no other choice but to completely cut off contact so that I could continue to move on with my life.

 

Everyone else can go to hell. But this one person will always hold a special place in my heart.

[RitaTrue]

Everyone else can go to hell. But this one person will always hold a special place in my heart.

 

*Nods*

 

I think everyone will have a relationship where there will be one ex that holds a special place.

[The_Seeker]

*Nods*

 

I think everyone will have a relationship where there will be one ex that holds a special place.

 

Nah, the only special someone is the one that sticks me with me whoever he is.

[quirky]

I have a special place in my heart for all my exes. It's only BF 1 that I don't have much feelings for. I've had 5 relationships, the last one being the most important and the longest. I am not over him yet.

 

I'd probably date them all again if I met them now!

 

When I date/love someone, they forever hold a small piece of me. Just that thing we experienced, I keep it in a small mental box and treasure what we shared; our thoughts, dreams and bodies. I treasure that they were there on my path, being part of my growing. I think spliting up has a profound effect on me because I connect very deeply..not needy, just deeply. It's like I never forget..a tiiiiny part of me is always sad I am not close with that person any more because there's someone out there that knows me well but we're not in touch.

 

But that's maybe because all of my realtionships ended mainly because they had to, a decision based on reason. I never got bored of any of them and they didn't cheat.

[jumper11]

My first ex, and technically last.. we were together over 5 years.. and known each other for 10 years. I still love him, even after 1.5 years, its toxic in the sense that neither of us completely pull away, because something special was there. Was my best friend, depressed and moody, intelligent, insecure. lol!

 

I dated one guy briefly a year ago and he doesn't even cross my mind.. but I think about that one ex like no other, I'm scared I'll always love him this way.. even though I think he's changed.. He'll always be in my heart.

[lilypadgirl]

The exes that I truly loved, I do remember fondly and there's a place in my heart that will always wish them well and hope they succeed (and sometimes in moments of self-frustration wish that I'm doing better haha). When I love, I love completely. Breaks up are very hard on me but when I finally heal, I also heal completely. So while I do think of my exes nostalgically, I never think of them in any romantic sense. Actually the two exes I'm on friendly terms with, I have a sibling-like care for them.

 

Most of the time when I think of my exes and the relationships, I remember them and associate them with what I learned from the relationship, what qualities I liked about them, and why the relationship ultimately failed.

[Celadon]

My exes are sooo out of my life and out of my head. Except for the scars from one relationship, I have zippo feelings for them. That's just the way I am!

 

BUT, it will be interesting this summer because I've been invited to a wedding and one of them, now married, will be there...So maybe memories I've buried will resurface, who knows?

[patterned]

Whether I was dumped, or dumping, or if it was mutual. Bad breakup or not. I love them all the same now as then. Not romantically of course. I am friends with them except for two. Of course a lot of time transpired between ending it and friendship.

 

There were some very brief relationships that I have no connection to.

[lalalollipops]

I'm onto my 6th relationship now, but can basically summarise the former ones in a couple sentences.

 

1. Dated 4 months. He was very talented, intelligent and passionate but lacked common sense. Not the best listener and was alittle too pig headed.

2. 6 months - Independent, happy go lucky, ambitious and caring, he moved overseas so we had to break up.

3. A year- Confident and witty, fun, was everybody's friend, intelligent, ambitious, affectionate but was needy, alittle too intense and emotionally immature. Went psycho on me when I dumped him. Oh and he also was too stingy and lied too much.

4. 16 months- My first love. Guy was hilarious and intelligent, an out of the box thinker, knowledgeable about alot of things and dreamed big dreams. But he had no morals, very manipulative, insecure and emotionally unstable. He was also broke, doing horribly in school and was a druggie lol. Oh and had problems with the law lol! But I overlooked all that cos I loved him alot.

5. 4.5 months- Intelligent, emotionally mature, ambitious, super thoughtful and very caring. Made me feel safe. However was kinda judgemental and too logical at times. I found him boring.

 

I can say only number 4 made a big impression on me. But now I don't think I have feelings for any of my exes anymore.

[flashlight]

What I feel about my ex right now? Over him and I'm happy. I am; the thought that he was in another relationship less than a week after we broke up was more then enough to liberate me from the pains of a breakup/staying with someone as indecisive and insensitive as he was.