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Offensive comment from boyfriend


roxy77

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Why is it wrong for me to want to be with someone who finds me attractive?

 

Think about this logically now, do you really think he would be with you in a relationship if he did not find you attractive? No he wouldnt be, so dont look at his personal stuff again or face the consequences, like you are now.

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Hmmm... I was going to say to ignore it, up until I read that it was to a girl that he used to go out with before. I would say what he said to a girl I had something with before, because it would make it seem like I am settling for someone that is not what I want, and it would make me look like a loser... that can't get what he wants.

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I'm surprised some are attacking the OP for reading his message. It was on her screen when she opened her computer. I am sure 90% of people would have read it as well.

 

I think I'd be offended too. But if this is the only issue you have with him, then I would leave it and remind yourself that if he didn't find you attractive, he wouldn't be with you.

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I'm sure that in the middle of the night, when you are sleeping with your mouth open, drool is slowly dripping down your face, you are snoring and your hair is a mess - you are less than hot. Everyone is.

 

I think it's interesting that - by that non-descript sentence - you jumped to the conclusion that he thought you were ugly. I would have thought he was being modest. He didn't want to brag and make his ex feel bad ("yeah... she's the hottest girl I've ever been with - maaaan, you should SEE her boobs!"

 

To me, he said something nice and positive - not negative.

 

Perspective, I guess.

 

Do YOU think you are hot, I wonder? Why would you jump to that conclusion?

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He didn't say that he didn't find you attractive. He didn't say he doesn't love you, or doesn't want to be with you, or that you are ugly, mean, nasty or anything negative at all.

 

If you are the sort of person who thinks your boyfriend should find you hot when you wake up in the morning after a heavy night, or when you have a streaming cold, then you have strayed into Harlequin romance-land.

 

The reason that there are stores that sell fancy clothes, make-up and scent, and that there are beauty salons, tanning salons, hair salons, waxing salons, manicure salons et al is because most people, including top models and movie stars, don't look hot all the time - they have to make the sort of effort your boyfriend is talking about.

 

The lesson is never eavesdrop - you rarely hear things about yourself you will like. Looking at his FB is the same as eavesdropping. And expecting SO's not to talk about us is unrealistic.

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I am not bothered about who he said it to I just felt like yeah he made himself seem like he was settling for me and not proud to be with me.

 

Is he a good boyfriend - we have a good time together I can't deny that.

 

-But I dislike that he smokes weed,

 

-Had an ex texting him asking to see him during the entire relationship UNTIL i asked him to tell her to stop (around 10months later)

 

-Lied about meeting an ex when I asked him not to

 

-Used to talk about ex gfs all the time and how he spent lots of money on them then bought me nothing for christmas

 

-Only added me to facebook around 10 months into our relationship

 

-Has never introduced me to any of his friends because they are drug dealers and he is embarrassed to be seen with them

 

-Refused to let me come to a party with him because he would be with his dealer mates smoking weed

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This is a touchy subject. All of us tell blunt truths about people behind their back; blunt truths that we'd rather not tell them to their face because frankly there's nothing good that would come out of it. This makes it awkward if we ever do hear these blunt truths about ourselves. I think this is a case of that.

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-But I dislike that he smokes weed,

 

-Had an ex texting him asking to see him during the entire relationship UNTIL i asked him to tell her to stop (around 10months later)

 

-Lied about meeting an ex when I asked him not to

 

-Used to talk about ex gfs all the time and how he spent lots of money on them then bought me nothing for christmas

 

-Only added me to facebook around 10 months into our relationship

 

-Has never introduced me to any of his friends because they are drug dealers and he is embarrassed to be seen with them

 

-Refused to let me come to a party with him because he would be with his dealer mates smoking weed

 

These sound like better reasons to break up with him than the hotness comment.

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If the shoe was on the other foot and it was a guy on facebook asking me how hot my boyfriend was and I said "well, he looks good when he tries..."

 

Eh? wheres the loyalty at?? I would stick up for him! Have his back - any stranger, friend or aquaintance even if it weren't true, but that's just me.

 

That girl seems smarmy to me, something fishy, seems like she has a hidden agenda. It's like she was hoping for your man to say "yea she could do better, but you look great babe!!"...

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a guy on facebook asking me how hot my boyfriend was and I said "well, he looks good when he tries..."

 

Eh? wheres the loyalty at?? I would stick up for him! Have his back - any stranger, friend or aquaintance even if it weren't true, but that's just me.

 

Sums up my feelings perfectly. It's not about MY EGO.

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Sometimes I wish my bf thinks I'm the most beautiful and hottest chick he ever dated, but I'm not. I need to accept that. And yes, it sucks when you read that awful comment, especially to someone he dated briefly in the past. (I would be furious, because I kinda type of girl who can't hang out with exes, and I hope my bf also does the same). But this is nothing compares to other things you don't like about him. Especially 'have drug dealers friends', that's very dangerous for you if he doesn't stop hanging out with those kind of friends, I honestly think you deserve a better man.

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Wow. Why is the OP wrong for reading something that was on her computer screen? She didn't even have to look for it. It was just there.

 

If my boyfriend made this comment about me to anyone, I'd be pretty upset and embarrassed. And not because there's a long list of red flags in our relationship as it is. Our relationship is actually very healthy, but a comment like that is just inappropriate.

 

I also don't see what's wrong with wanting to be with someone who thinks you're only hot, regardless of how much effort you make. If my boyfriend thought I was only hot when I made an effort, then we'd have a problem. I dress very casually most days. T-shirt, jeans, no make-up. My boyfriend tells me I don't need make-up and that I look better without it. I don't agree, but I still loves that he feels that way. Isn't it important to be with someone who's attracted to you and what you look like with out make-up?

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