"Friends" don't congratulate me on big news?

[punkkat]

I recently bought a unit. I did a post on Facebook to announce my news as I'm not the kind of person to ring up people going "Guess what?" One of what I thought was my "close friends" did not comment or congratulate me. A part of me thinks that maybe they missed it. Him and especially his girlfriend are on Facebook alot. I can't even go out with them, she sits on her phone, on Facebook the whole time. We also have mutual friends which is another reason why I find it hard to believe that they don't know. I've also made updates about shopping for whitegoods/furniture which would also suggest I'm moving.

 

This "friend" has also made some weird comments about the fact I still live with my parents. I come from a European background so to us it's no big deal. I don't see what difference it makes when we're socialising as to where I live. But now that I've bought a place he doesn't say anything. I have been distancing myself the last few months, as these are "friends" I'm no longer feeling good about and to be honest their company is "tear-my-hair-out" boring. However, in a reverse situation, I would still congratulate them on big news. Admittedly I did get a FB congratulations a few days later when I announced some good job news.

 

I don't know whether to keep distancing myself from these people or if I'm over-reacting. The way I'm feeling I don't want anything to do with them. And if I'm going to have a house-warming somewhere down the track, I can't imagine inviting them into my home considering they've said nothing. And I don't want to invite them just to not raise eyebrows amongst our mutual friends (I can't talk to them about how I'm feeling as those people have a lot stronger friendship)

 

Am I over-reacting?

[Minx2012]

 

Am I over-reacting?

 

Yes, because you are basing your emotions and the value of friendship on their propensity to comment on FACEBOOK, out of all places. Invite them over for a house warming party and if they don't show up or not even breathe a single, congratulatory word, then you know that something is up. Other than that, stop overreacting over Facebook interaction.

[punkkat]

It's more that I think they would be aware through FB/mutual friends and have not said anything at all, not even through FB as a bare minimum : /

[JA0371]

This is why I hate Fakebook. So many people boasting about things they have or how awesome their life is.

Not saying YOU are doing this..but it may come off to others that way. Like the last poster said...invite them over for a housewarming party and don't brag. Just because someone doesn't comment on FB is not an indication of their friendship...nor is it if they do.

[shes2smart]

Am I over-reacting?

 

In a word, yes.

 

In a few more words, the reality of life is no one will ever be as interested/excited about events in your life as you....except maybe a therapist, but that's the job a therapist is paid to do. Expecting other people (no matter what their connection to you is) to even notice things that don't directly impact them will lead to disappointment more often than not. Most of the time people are far too wrapped up in their own dramas to notice a lot of what goes on around them.

 

To take that personally means you'll be walking around in a state of perpetual hurt/annoyance/angst.

[shadowplay]

I agree that you are over reacting. If they avoid you in real life, that's a red flag. But on facebook? Not a good indicator for social relationships.

[Batya33]

If you wanted specific people to know your news then you should have called or emailed that person personally to let him/her know -I don't feel particularly special to be one of many people who receive an announcement on Facebook about a new home so even though I will make an effort to "like" it or type "congratulations" I might forget to click on the computer or figure that the next time we're in personal contact I'll congratulate the person . That is why I think you're overreacting.

[I_Speak_Jive]

It would never have occurred to me that someone would need to be 'congratulated' over buying property. "Oh, congratulations on qualifying for a mortgage"? I simply don't see how it counts as any form of personal achievement. So you borrowed a massive amount of money in order to buy a box in which to live. Congrats.

 

Not that there is anything wrong with that either - I owned property myself (until I jumped ship and cashed in right before the Great Crash), and to be honest it was nothing but a royal pain in the ass, dealing with tenants, repairs, taxes, the coop association... ugh. With all that, I wouldn't want to congratulate a friend who buys a massively overinflated asset at unsustainably record-low interest rates which will only continue to depreciate in the short to medium-term. I would try very hard to talk them out of it.

 

Facebook is just a website. Get over it.

[shadowplay]

I guess it depends on local culture. Where I live, congratulating people on purchasing a new house is fairly common - but not necessarily on facebook.

[jumpdates]

I recently bought a unit. I did a post on Facebook to announce my news as I'm not the kind of person to ring up people going "Guess what?" One of what I thought was my "close friends" did not comment or congratulate me. A part of me thinks that maybe they missed it. Him and especially his girlfriend are on Facebook alot. I can't even go out with them, she sits on her phone, on Facebook the whole time. We also have mutual friends which is another reason why I find it hard to believe that they don't know. I've also made updates about shopping for whitegoods/furniture which would also suggest I'm moving.

 

This "friend" has also made some weird comments about the fact I still live with my parents. I come from a European background so to us it's no big deal. I don't see what difference it makes when we're socialising as to where I live. But now that I've bought a place he doesn't say anything. I have been distancing myself the last few months, as these are "friends" I'm no longer feeling good about and to be honest their company is "tear-my-hair-out" boring. However, in a reverse situation, I would still congratulate them on big news. Admittedly I did get a FB congratulations a few days later when I announced some good job news.

 

I don't know whether to keep distancing myself from these people or if I'm over-reacting. The way I'm feeling I don't want anything to do with them. And if I'm going to have a house-warming somewhere down the track, I can't imagine inviting them into my home considering they've said nothing. And I don't want to invite them just to not raise eyebrows amongst our mutual friends (I can't talk to them about how I'm feeling as those people have a lot stronger friendship)

 

Am I over-reacting?

 

Sorry to say, that the replies to your much emotionally filled question deserves better responses than the ones given here.

Firstly, you are no way over-reacting based on what you said about your friends. It is perfectly fine to post big news such as yours and we know you are not seeking some kind of entitlement from the response. Its a purely spontaneous posting that needs a spontaneous response from other fb users. Those who responded are sincere and genuine and those who have not are purely jealous and extremely superficial.

Why keep such friends, they are only interested in their own well-being and most likely conceited and jealous and cannot stand the well being and happiness of others. Do you really want to be friends with these people?

Go ahead and enjoy your new digs and find people who share your warmth and happiness. Those people are true friends that you want to keep.

Hope this helps.

Jumpdates - always there for expert human relationships.

[RainyCoast]

It's more that I think they would be aware through FB/mutual friends and have not said anything at all, not even through FB as a bare minimum : /

 

i've never heard it said among my friends "such and such person posted this news on facebook". posting to elicit a certain response is a poor litmus test. not everyone treats fb seriously, vigilantly follows everyone's posts, much less discusses those posts with others.

 

additionally, if they saw you post some news you never told them anything about, how would they feel invited to comment? perhaps the opposite, they might feel if you didn't share your condo news with them before you shared it with the world, you didn't deem them a close enough circle to talk about your life changes.

 

especially since you say you'd rather not have anything to do with them, it sounds like you resent them for not being more included in your life, whilst approaching them with news of your life in a roundabout and even passive aggressive way. you set up the stage to be excluded/marginalized, then complain about it.

 

when you want to share something important to you with someone, you reach out to them personally, you don't post something and wait like a fisherman.

 

i wouldn't have felt like that post was directed at me if someone i knew posted it, and might even feel it's intrusive of me to comment if it's something i knew nothing about (i might think it's something they've previously discussed with ppl they consider their close friends, conclude i may not be in that category, and that they are posting mainly for those, or something like that). but i will gladly hear of their victories and disappointments alike if a friend comes to me with them.

 

if you're "done with them", why were you fishing for a response? it's hostile, the resentment oozes out of you, as if they're sour grapes. alternatively, if they have sensed this attitude in your previous interactions with them, maybe they purposefully avoided saying anything.

[boltnrun]

Old thread from 2012.

[RainyCoast]

oh god it is