Oh. My. God (kinda long but hopefully at least interesting!)

[GetOverItPlz]

Alright eNA. Today I have decided that this is the LAST thread I'm gonna post about this trifflin' female that told me that the reason we broke up is because she "needs time". If I can give any of you any form of advice that matters one bit.. follow your instincts. Follow your gut and don't let anyone convince you that you are crazy when you see the truth.

 

Simplest way I can put this: My ex girlfriend is with my (former) best friend. And I knew it, but I have to trust my friends at their word, right? Or try to, at least.

 

I'll keep this story simple.

 

Me and ex split up April 4th. My #3 slot best friend (Known him for 12 years since HS...let's call him Kevin) had met her a few times of course because well.. he's my best friend. They were always cool, which I am totally alright with. Not a shread of jealous bone in my body. I've lived by the motto that, if someone is gonna cheat on you or f*** you over, they're gonna do it whether you're paying attention or not.

 

So we broke up. They hang out. Okay, that's fine. I'm still not trippin'. But as time goes on, I'd call Kevin to hang out and he'd tell me him and Sandi (my ex) were going shopping. Or seeing a movie. Or _____. I try to play it cool because.. my boy of 12 years would NEVER play me like this, right?

 

Right?

 

I'd find out that things I said to him in confidence were getting back to her. Bro Code 101. Broken. Repeatedly. Still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

Until one Friday I was talking to him via text while in the studio, asking if he wanted to hang out Saturday.

 

"I'm hanging out with Sandi".

 

I went HULK mode on him. I had had enough. I told him I think this is wack, he's putting a girl (MY EX GIRLFRIEND) over a friendship that has almost spanned half of each of our lives.

 

He was with my brother (who is his best friend slot #1) and they had a 3 hour talk where he went postal. Talking about how they're just cool, etc. etc. and my brother comes back to me and tells me all of this. The fact that he got defensive was a big red flag, but my brother was convinced. He wouldn't lie.. to his best friend about ANOTHER of his best friends, would he?

 

So I let it die down for a couple weeks. I avoided talking to him. Until May 16th.

 

I messaged him on Facebook, ate crow, and APOLOGIZED. He let me sit there and say I'm sorry. He then told me he'd never put a girl above our friendship. This is archived in the anals of internet history.

 

We didn't speak since, and I had given up. He made his choice via his silence.

 

But then his mom (who loves me dearly) starts to message me. His graduation is this weekend and I hadn't RSVP'd. She wanted to sit down with us, work it out, etc. I can't let his mom be upset, so I ate crow AGAIN to try to fix this.

 

Then the story came out. Him and my ex have been seeing each other, pretty much since we split up. And to this DAY she was still playing both sides of the fence. "Time" my ass.

 

I told him.. well.. eNA wont let me tell you what I told him.. but he agreed he is a terrible friend, was totally wrong, etc.. yet he still has no interest in fixing it.

 

My bro went off on him and is also not going to his graduation. His mom and my mom talked (they hang out too).. we have so many mutual friends and interests and everything else.

 

It has nothing to do with the girl anymore. It's about the betrayal, the lies, the selling out of ME for his personal gain, the cowardace. I have NO faith in this guy anymore. When he verified what I knew, she went RUNNING from my head. The quickest way to forget a girl? Find out she's with your best friend! It works like a charm lol.

 

My brother talked to Kevin a couple days ago via FB. He told him he has to give Sandi up and do everything he can to make this right. His response?

 

"*sigh* I just want to get a job out of state and leave everything"

 

As in leave my city. Me, her, everything. So let's come in, mess everything up, then leave a friend you've known half your life AND not even make an attempt to keep the girl?

 

Wow.

 

And where is Sandi in all of this?

 

As to not lie to Kevin, when I told him I thought he was a terrible friend and she was a terrible person too.. I sent her a couple page text that I erased right after I sent it. Don't even remember what I said, but I'm sure I just went off. This was about 1 AM. No response. Until about 3 PM the next day.

 

She said something to the effect of: "I dunno where the f*** you get off saying that, or why I deserved it"

 

I immediately deleted it and blocked her number. No response. And ya know what? It's good to feel like and know, from this day forward, I don't give a damn.

[EgoJoe]

Goodjob. You took people at their word and then handled yourself with class despite the BS. Your Ex responded like a passive aggressive dumb skank and was hoping to bait you into a scenario where she could make it about you. Note the, "I don't know where YOU get off thinking I deserved..." etc.

 

Ignore, that friend is burnt, she is burnt and you get to walk away with your pride, self-respect and self-esteem in tact. You tried to be legit, you apologized like a Man and in the end got burnt. Never forget that despite your emotions and flare ups. You did carry yourself with dignity.

 

She knows she messed up, her passive aggressive text back was textbook denial ridden deflection and projection.

 

Now you can move on knowing that she was full of it and you are better off without her. Go read the GIGS stuff, it isn't ultimate truth but there is so much truth to it.

 

Oh and in your dark moments remember this, the girl that left you is not the girl that you loved, she is no prize and Kevin is a scavenger. They deserve each other.

[Habibi]

filthy story filled in with filthy people.

you did awesome! by not punching him and by not talking to her.

let them be alone,wherever,they deserve each other.

filthy betrayal,i got no words for this.

but..both will be back to the source of their happiness and loyalty : you

i have seen this million times,just wait it up and you will see

betrayal must be paid back with indifference

lucky me i never had to experience this from a friend,they know the code of conduct as i do too.

as for the betrayal of my ex..she cheated on me with her ex (she was seeing him all the time!) and some other dudes and i so hope she enjoyed it,i got no problem with that.

life rewarded me with someone million times better.

its just a matter of being picky and always feeling your guts.

you should be proud of yourself!

[Gabrielle84]

What an awful experience, so very messed up. They are dirt, both of them, good riddance. They dont deserve you in their lives and you will certainly never let them in again. You did and said what you felt you had to do and say at the moment, now that you know the truth the only response left is silence and indifference, even if they come crawling back to you at some point in time, mostly that Kevin rat. Lovers come and go, but when a lifelong friend stabs you in the back, that's it, the friendship's done forever.

[mixhot]

GetOverItPlz

 

i know exactly where you are coming from, thi has happened to me too!!! on valentines wkend, i really hope you get more replys to you story as it will help me too,

 

what happened to me has effected me soo bad,,,all i can say is i am so glad them to SCUM are out of your life..i wouldnt wish this pain on any body, im still learning and reading threads on ENA and it is helping me alot,

 

this is the worst pain, i feel for you and YOU will come out of this on top..

 

stay strong ( sorry i aint gave you much advice )

 

my story

 

 

[JA0371]

Damn....honestly I feel worse for you for y our friend betraying you. Women come and go..( she sounds like a ho, sorry) but a mans bond to his best guy friend is usually pretty sacred.

I will offer this perspective....maybe he was being a stupid guy..andthinking with his 'you know what'. Women can be pretty damn manipulating too...she fooled YOU right? Maybe she pressed him for info and he gave in?? Who knows??

I would let it blow over though. It would suck yo lose a longtime friend over some skank....JMO

[diamond78]

I'm not surprised that she was seeing someone else because they way she spoke to you in regards to the breakup was as woman who wasn't in love anymore and wanted to move forward. It was too easy for her to leave and a woman usually only leaves a good man like that when she is no longer invested and ready for someone else.

 

I am however surprised by her seeing your best friend. That is just pure scandalous. I don't even care if they were hanging out just as friends. That was just cruel and downright tacky. And there are no words for your best friend. He literally let a pretty face come between a friendship. He could never be trusted again and neither can she because if they can do a betrayal to this level, then they are capable of many more hurts.

 

I believe this woman saw your value while she was going through her divorce. Having another man there to lean on would definitely make the process easier. But once things settled down for her and the honeymoon stage was over, she realized she wasn't really 'in love' even though she may have loved and cared for you as a person.

 

So, it was time to move on...for her.

 

And I also think communication must have been happening between the two around your breakup because they started hanging out too soon after you guys split. Or your friend went in for the kill once he saw she was available....which is just as bad.

 

I would say good riddance to them both. Not worth keeping around.

[elephants]

GetOverItPlz, we're all so sorry that your best friend and ex girlfriend are both scums of the earth. Hope the next one is much much better!

[GetOverItPlz]

First of all, I want to say thank you very much for all the support from eNA. This would be a LOT more difficult without all of your support. I love you guys, seriously.

 

My thoughts on the situation are actually.. I'm pretty much over it. Might seem like denial, but honestly, since I knew what was going on, I was ready for it. I just needed someone to own the situation and to tell me the truth. No one did until I had to force it out of them. That's the crappiest part of it.

 

I want to reply to everyone's take on the situation because the insight from each member so far has really helped me.

 

EgoJoe

That's the most difficult aspect of this situation. I literally tried many, many times to put them both in positions to spill the truth. I thought for CERTAIN when I came to Kevin with my apology, if anything was going on, he would tell me straight up. He continued to lie to me even with me eating humble pie, crow, and anything else edible that found me in the center of humility. I tried to be the bigger man and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, even though, as my old French teacher high school would say: "Signs, signs, everywhere, a sign". I refuse to let it shatter my faith in the human spirit, and people in general.

 

Dumba55

I told Kevin at the point of contact that I NEVER in a million years could have pinned him to do something like this. And he agreed that this is way out of character. In 12 years I've never had any type of indication that he could pull this off. Not on one of his very, very best friends.

 

I am a 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, currently practicing Muay Thai, used to box with a 5x golden glove champion on the regular.. I am in great shape. Weigh about 195 lbs... he weighs about oh... 130 lbs? lol. I'm sure he weighs less than her. I could cave his face in. But I wouldn't bother.

 

Always follow your gut feeling! follow the code of ethics with your friends... it's the right way to go.

 

Gabrielle84

I agree completely. I really feel like me and Kevin are done. Women are women. Dime a dozen. But best friend of 12 years? For a chick with some serious, serious baggage? Are you kidding me? Me and him may become acquaintances down the line, but our relationship will never, ever be the same. I refuse to talk to either of them unless they are willing to spend a LOT of time to regain my trust. I mean a LOT of time.

 

If you think I'll ever reach out to either of them ever again... false.

 

mixhot

So sorry to read about your situation. I can say this, though.. at least they were upfront about it. My situation was so full of deception and backdoor dealings (no pun intended lol... *grossed himself out*) that I WISH someone would have had the fortitude to just tell me what was up from the get go! You dealt with it a lot worse getting dragged around by the girl though... me and her were in contact but I could tell there was a "switch" in her. She still was affectionate and such but it was different. Just stay strong and realize that anyone willing to do that to you- friend or lover- is not worth the effort it takes to maintain that at all!

 

JA0371

Kevin is done, man. I know women can be manipulative, but come on... I am TELLING you I still care about her (I actually played it up a little too because I wanted him to feel worse lol), and you use my information AGAINST me?? Then you can't even tell me what's up even when I'm basically on my knees asking for you to forgive me for something that IS going on?? No respect for me, so I have no respect for you. Like I said earlier, me and him may be cool down the line (I'm talking a VERY long time down the line), but our relationship will never be the same. I hope he does up and leave the state... I'll put money on her coming and looking for me, too.

 

diamond78

Really appreciate you following my story and helping out. I am pretty good at reading people (as this thread proves lol), and honestly at the beginning I REALLY felt she wanted to get back together. the way she acted, things she said... she'd tell me she wanted to get back together but she didn't just want things to fall right back into how they were.. whenever she was with me physically she'd get so close to just throwing herself back into it..just her actions and her words matched up. She was genuine. It was 3 or 4 weeks afterwards, however, I felt the "switch". It was at that point I knew what was going on with them. I knew they talked via Facebook often because they were cool even when we were together. I really don't think anything was going on, but I may have been getting 'emotionally' cheated on. Probably some posturing going on at this point. I dunno, and don't really care now.

 

elephants

I told my best friend that she needs to find me a hot nurse at her job and get me the hookup! lol. Scum of the earth indeed... the next one will certainly be better... thank you for the encouragement!

 

I'll make sure to update this if/when either of them come crawling back.

 

Oh, and my MightyText on Chrome saved the messages between her and I. I can tell you guys what I said now! lol.

 

Me gonna tell you the same thing I told Kevin. F*** you. F*** him. You are both cancer to me now. I held you down to the bullets and THIS is the thanks I get? I was never anything but good to both of you. You broke my heart AND you helped mess up one of the best friendships I have ever had in my life. Thanks for everything, Sandi"

Her: "You need to seriously think about why the F*** you think I deserved that"

 

I said nothing. That is how this story ends!

 

For now...

[JA0371]

Ok fair enough.....you are done with your friend, but you would be willing to take HER back??

 

My only advice then is to STOP thinking with your heart, and think with your head. It's ok to care about her, but

she played at least an equal part in whatever transpired. I'm sure your friend didn't force himself on her. Then she told you you had no right to text her and she didn't deserve it?? No apologies...no remorse.

 

You will do what you are going to do....regardless of ANYones advice or opinions. I am just giving you MY opinion. That's what you asked for. Take it or leave it.

 

Best of luck..

[GetOverItPlz]

Oh no no no.. I guess I should clarify. I wouldn't take her back. I just mean I wouldn't take EITHER of them back. I meant I was talking to him ABOUT the situation (as in her and I breaking up) and he was using my information as leverage. She will come looking for me at some point, certainly... but she's done, too. They're both done. It takes two to tango and they can tango til their heart's desire.

[JA0371]

Oh no no no.. I guess I should clarify. I wouldn't take her back. I just mean I wouldn't take EITHER of them back. I meant I was talking to him ABOUT the situation (as in her and I breaking up) and he was using my information as leverage. She will come looking for me at some point, certainly... but she's done, too. They're both done. It takes two to tango and they can tango til their heart's desire.

 

 

Gotcha I am sure you will do what you need to do.....

[GetOverItPlz]

I will tell you this- if Kevin would have said "Okay, you were right. This is going on. But it isn't anymore, because your friendship is more valuable than being with your EX GIRLFRIEND". I would have been steaming mad, of course.. because I still was lied to, deceived, made a fool of, etc... but I am a VERY forgiving person. VERY. What I cannot forgive, however, is someone that knows he's wrong... proclaims he is wrong... yet clearly makes the worst decision he could. Not only that, but says he'd rather just up and leave! Me AND her. The pure cowardace and inability to face/own up to his situation is crazy! I don't have any respect for someone who has that little respect for himself AND for me. Absolute lunacy.

 

And then to just throw it in my face on Facebook... like I'm supposed to just see that and be cool... Jesus.

[2bcome1]

Man that is one seriously * * * * ed up situation.

How can you even contemplate forgiving a friend of that long for doing that to you???

If i was a black belt i would of karate chopped his * * * * ing head off!!!

People like that are just the lowest of the low!!!

I feel for you man.

[GetOverItPlz]

My brother said the same thing. He was surprised I didn't go over there and kick his heart through the back of his chest with a well placed side kick. My brother is one of a few people that have seen me in action and, while I am a gentle giant, he is fully aware I am nothing to mess with!

 

I said I COULD have forgiven him. At the point of impact. It woulda been hard and it would have taken time, but I could have. With him telling me he messed up and has no intent to fix it, however... Shows me who he really is.

 

I am done with him. Period.

[diamond78]

In the end, you're the one who comes out of this smelling like roses. These two are perfect for each other. No sense of loyalty, respect, or dignity.

 

You'll be fine because you're a smart, thoughtful, caring, and talented individual. Many women would love to have a person like you in their lives.

 

When all the drama dies down, she'll regret how she let this thing develop between her and your friend.

 

Also, just out of curiosity...there is solid proof that he was hanging out with her and it's not just him saying these things, correct? I'm only asking because of her response acting as if she didn't know what you were talking about.

[GetOverItPlz]

Diamond-

 

I really appreciate all of the kind words. I sure hope you're right about those things

 

To answer your question: I mean, other than what he said to me. Unless he's trying to play me even further, which would seem absolutely nuts. lol.

 

The last thing I saw on his FB (I know, it's gonna be the end of us ALL lol) before I erased them both was her referring to him as "baby".. which I know her, she doesn't refer to just "a friend" as baby. She used to call me babe or baby all the time. But any guy friends or anything? No way. Even after we broke up, she'd still call me "baby". But among the things I noticed during the "switch" was her not calling me any pet names anymore. That may be minor proof, but there are pleeeenty of signs pointing to it. That's why I had the instinct in the first place.

 

She herself never said anything to me about him, but he didn't say anything outright to me, either. His words in our final conversation were, "Me and Sandi really like each other. etc etc". So I mean.. he technically indicted both of them. She never indicted herself.

 

I guess... he could be overplaying it? Technically, that is possible...

 

I just got a text from his mom. She wants to take me to lunch tomorrow. I also got a text from my brother that said this:

 

"I talked to [Kevin's mom] yesterday. She brought some perspective. I don't agree with her on all of it but I agree on enough".

 

So... I really am kinda more confused than anything, at this point. She can tell me his side of the story all she wants, but at the end of the day, it still doesn't change the facts. I'll listen to her but beyond that...

 

Seems like there will be an update soon lol.... I get off work in 2 hours.... To be continued.... O_o

[GetOverItPlz]

Bro talk started but he had to get back to work. So far, I've learned he talked to Kevin's mom and of course she painted a better picture. No surprise there. Talked to the 4th member of our HS crew who lives hours away but has no clue what's up lol... And finally spoke to Kevin. Kevin made it abundantly clear that I am more important to him than Sandi. Bro told him you gotta end it, then do everything you can to fix this, including sitting in one space and letting him rip you apart if he wants.

 

I'm on my phone right now and as this unfolds I will give you guys more. Right now it is studio time though! Will I forgive Kevin if he does it right? Like my brother said, it's no guarantee, but it's a step in the right way.

 

I'll only know how I feel when I see him.

[diamond78]

Wow, so she was calling him 'baby' in a public domain where everyone could see?? Not cool. Not cool. So scandalous and showing total lack of care or sympathy for you.

 

What did Kevin's mom say about all this? Kevin should be calling you. His mom is doing a lot of the mending if you ask me.

 

Don't be surprised to get an email or something from Sandi soon.

[2bcome1]

No,dont forgive him the damage has already been done!!!

Kick his ass Bruce Lee style.

Sorry man,just trying to cheer you up a bit.hi yaaaaaaaa

[tothecoast]

Dude...I would never let that guy back into my life, no matter how sorry he was. Someone who has the capacity to do that to his best friend is someone I wouldn't want in my life...ever. Same goes for her, too.

 

If you can, more power to you. But out of respect for myself, and respect for my healing process...you couldn't pay me enough to take either of those people back into my life.

[GetOverItPlz]

HAHAHA!

 

Diamond.. literally probably the exact time you said that, guess who emailed me? Sandi!

 

"Are you ever going to allow us to talk about it? Besides.. saying extremely hateful things to me and on FB for everyone to read... then just disappearing? You never talked to ME about it. I feel like you're assuming a lot. I never lied to you. I didn't deserve those things you said to me"

 

I did respond with two words: "Talk away"

 

As in.. it really doesn't matter WHAT you have to say, cuz regardless, I don't care. She hasn't said anything.

 

And yea, his mom is doing way more work than she ever should have to. I'll listen to her at lunch out of respect tomorrow, but she can't say anything that can change my mind.

 

2bcome1 you got a good chuckle out of me. HIYAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

[GetOverItPlz]

Dude...I would never let that guy back into my life, no matter how sorry he was. Someone who has the capacity to do that to his best friend is someone I wouldn't want in my life...ever. Same goes for her, too.

 

If you can, more power to you. But out of respect for myself, and respect for my healing process...you couldn't pay me enough to take either of those people back into my life.

 

Like I said, I am a very forgiving person. But the simple fact is that it'll take more than an 'I'm sorry'. It isn't something that would happen quickly- if at all. There's no promise that I'll even give him that luxury, but like I said.. until he starts making some steps towards me, it really doesn't matter, does it? And the longer this goes on, the less likely I am to give a sh**.

[thekid55]

All I gotta say is---damn. Both of them are trippin'.

 

For Sandi--she doesn't give a damn about anyone. Clearly, she was trying to get a rise out of you with this. It's totally normal to get upset over stuff like this. At the end of the day, she's a just another girl and you realize this. So many females out there, so you good.

 

For Kevin--DAMN. Unspeakable type of stuff. If anything, he's probably real jealous of your success. Your music is taking off and he is getting left behind. Jealousy is a mother-you-know-what. At least you see his true colors now. Ultimately, this relationship will fail and he'll be left wondering why he went down this road. Totally broke guy code here and it's his loss.

 

If anything, this situation just makes you stronger. You almost havta thank both of them for making you a better man. You realize who the snakes are now and you just gotta keep moving forward. Situations like this one are crazy my friend. Realize that you are the normal one here and both of them are just plain f-ed up.

[brandnewday47]

Man, this is a story I wish nobody has to go through. I'm very familiar with it though, as this year has been spent digging myself back up from the sinkhole that I found myself in four months ago.

 

For me at least, it was much harder to deal with the actions of the friend than the girl. Heck, a few weeks after things ended I knew she was not someone I wanted to be with. In your shoes, I would take time away from both of them. More than likely this will completely change your life and social circle at least for a bit, but it may give you strenth you didn't realize you possessed. A very tough test though.

 

Like I said, I am a very forgiving person. But the simple fact is that it'll take more than an 'I'm sorry'. It isn't something that would happen quickly- if at all. There's no promise that I'll even give him that luxury, but like I said.. until he starts making some steps towards me, it really doesn't matter, does it? And the longer this goes on, the less likely I am to give a sh**.

 

And you more that likely won't get that "I'm sorry". I never did, he pretty much just went about normal activities, integrating her into group things I used to do with them. As we haven't really spoken of anything meaningful since he informed me that fateful night, I think he just wants everything to go back to how they used to be with me. But though I've actually become accepting and ok with the fact they are dating, there are actions that are simply not acceptable. Being sneaky and slick doesn't fly with me, and I simply don't tolerate that.

 

 

If anything, this situation just makes you stronger. You almost havta thank both of them for making you a better man. You realize who the snakes are now and you just gotta keep moving forward. Situations like this one are crazy my friend. Realize that you are the normal one here and both of them are just plain f-ed up.

 

Yep, absolutely right - especially the bolded part. Due to social circumstances I've had numerous occasions of being in both of their presence, and came out of it quite ok each time. I was fortunate that it didn't happen for over a month though.

 

For your own sake I'd say drop off the radar for now.. hopefully once things calm a bit you can then decide if you want to reconnect or not. Deal with yourself and find your path through it. For me it meant not worrying about them much anymore and finding whatever value I could, wherever I could in my own life.