The trouble with dating sites

[clarkyyeah]

I thought I'd try out a dating site and recently signed up.

 

There is mass amounts of copy and paste then there's these other few. They message you while your away or they message you then you think, okay I'll get dressed or I'll sleep and I'll reply to you in the morning, but when you come back on your been given F this F that from them because you didn't reply? Firstly I have the choice to reply if I want too and secondly why do people feel the need to send another message to just swear at you? Don't they understand some people don't sit on it all day long!

 

Then there's the stalker material, they say hello and you say hello back then! They start referring to you as there future girlfriend to be, so you think that's a little creepy and ignore the guy for him to send you another 10 messages complaining you wasted his time, i only said hello, 1 worded message that was all.

 

I know you can't be picky on dating sites, but how hard is it to find someone decent who isn't of the three categories above? Maybe it's the area I live in, I've been on this dating site before but last time I dated women, I met the types that say there gonna meet you then don't, the very forward women and the ones who message you just to stick you in the friend zone, I'm not bi I just explored my options and it's men I want but your just a difficult lot.

 

Are dating sites filled with mostly insecure men? Why else would they feel the need to message me just to say f you? That's all I'm getting, only had it three days and already thinking of deleting it and going back to dating the old fashioned way.

[Jody675]

i feel your pain! i have been on and off dating sites for about 8 years, and sometimes its a lot of fun, but mostly i get frustrated with the amount of crap thats out there. but by being very blunt and clear about what you want you will instantly weed out most of the idiots.

 

the part where you said...i know you can't be picky on dating sites... * * * ? thats the place you CAN be picky. you see a pic (well you hope thats them) you can email and chat, all before you meet. man i would probably only go for a coffee date with like 1% of the guys i use to chat with. most didn't make it past the chat or phone call.

 

don't take on other peoples problems, and you will find some interesting friends and if they become more, then great. if not...still someone to hang out with. go and have some fun.

[pinkelephant]

Damn. That's so weird. I never had that. So many nice guys message me, it was just hard to choose between them lol. It might be location or a terrible coincidence... I've never had stalkers, except some that gets a little whiny (but is like 5%) and totally understandable because it's tough being a guy on those things.

[RedDress]

Personally, I think that dating websites are a microchosm of the real world... I agree with you on some points but not on others...

 

This guy? Block him. He's crazy! There are crazy people in the real world too and what do you do? Keep walking...

 

They message you while your away or they message you then you think, okay I'll get dressed or I'll sleep and I'll reply to you in the morning, but when you come back on your been given F this F that from them because you didn't reply? Firstly I have the choice to reply if I want too and secondly why do people feel the need to send another message to just swear at you? Don't they understand some people don't sit on it all day long!

 

This guy? I think you could have handled it differently. Men don't get a lot of responses on dating sites - so when they do, some (understandably) get excited. Maybe a little too excited. To leave them hanging after getting their hopes up is a little mean. In real life you would never do this. If someone started talking to you, you said "hello", they talked some more and you just walk away? I know the popular response online is to simply not respond but personally I think this is kinda rude... I'm not surprised you are getting a bunch of follow-up messages.

 

Instead, if you are not interested just copy/paste the following sentence. "Thank you for your interest but I don't think we are a match after all". Some guys will actually thank you for it! If they argue? Block. But at least they know what happened and they aren't wondering if you got hit by a bus or hoping you are just on vacation and will get back to them...

 

Then there's the stalker material, they say hello and you say hello back then! They start referring to you as there future girlfriend to be, so you think that's a little creepy and ignore the guy for him to send you another 10 messages complaining you wasted his time, i only said hello, 1 worded message that was all.

 

For this? I think you are being picky. There are only so many unique things that you can say about yourself. There's a reason lines such as "I hate writing about myself" and "I like long walks on the beach" are so cliche... it's because it's hard! Cut the guy some slack. There could be a great guy behind that profile of someone who is not good with words...

 

There is mass amounts of copy and paste then there's these other few.

 

I think you can have standards - just don't be picky. The difference? Guy who says F-U? For sure ditch that guy. HUGE red flag. But... someone with a less than stellar profile but you think might match? Why not try? Are you sooooooooo busy that you can't spare 30 mins for a cup of coffee? To me, online dating should be treated like speed dating. Email 2-3 times and then coffee. It's a volume transaction. It's like going to a bargain store where you have to sift through bins to get that one good thing at the bottom or somewhere in the middle. Don't get your hopes up with each one. The profile of the person basically tells you nothing. Just go and have a coffee.

 

I know you can't be picky on dating sites, but how hard is it to find someone decent who isn't of the three categories above?

 

Anyways... that's my two cents. I think that if you try to do all your "sifting" online instead of in person, you will sift out some good ones and put your hopes in a spare few (who could be wrong). DO it the "old fashioned" way of meeting in person... just use the online thing as your database of men.

[lalalollipops]

I joined POF and Okcupid for like a month max last year and you're right! The amount of weird guys out on POF especially is scary. Alot are seriously so desperate with the constant messages (even if you don't reply). Got to weed through all the men, to find like one decent guy out of like 150+. =/ Good thing I got together with a guy friend soon after and got off those sites.

[Coily]

As a Guy who has been on dating sites, now I know why it's so hard; all the weirdos bombard women.

I think a lot of it has to do with the sites you're on, many douches think that being uber alpha male (i.e. berating you) somehow wins points and gets them what they want. There is a lot of insecurity, and frankly some women display similar over messaging behavior; all of this is just an echo, but just saying the other side of the street is about the same.

[Kristenelaine]

I have had some luck using PoF. Both of my last relationships started from that site. But seeing that I am single now, that could mean it wasnt luck at all!

 

Just be picky. Dont feel pressure to meet anyone. Dont give your number out too quickly. I block anyone I am not interested in. Have to be cut throat!