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wife slept with a women, her best friend


wonderingman

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A short while ago, I allowed my wife to sleep with her best friend, a women, I was present at the time(just watched), I played a big part in initiating the event, I never thought my wife would go trough with it, and figured if she did it, it would be a few licks and then they would both be embarrassed and they would stop, boy was I wrong, they went all out with toys and everything, they both came more than once. She told me afterwards that it was a fantasy of hers, she tells me many women have this fantasy and don’t admit it, she sais she is not a lesbian, she really enjoyed it, and she would have liked to do it again, but once talking to me realized that I am not confortable with it so she put a stop to it. Now the problem is, my wife did nothing wrong, I gave her the go ahead, but I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that they are pretty much best friends, they will go out together occasionally, and are talking about going on a shopping trip together. If it were a man she had slept with, I would not allow her to hang around with him, but it’s a women and her best friend, she has told me that without my consent it is cheating and she will not cheat on me. I really have no choice but accept it, I do trust her but, do you guys, and preferably girls think I have anything to worry about, I mean they could be doing things behind my back and there would be absolutly no way of me knowing.

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You either trust your wife or you don't. That's pretty much it --- and she has said that she sees you are uncomfortable, so w/ out your "consent", she would feel it is cheating. All good.

 

Don't be surprised if the topic of consent comes up again.

 

Be careful what you wish for. When God wants a laugh, he grants us our wishes.

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What is that old saying? "Be careful what you wish for"

 

Time to be open and honest with your wife. Tell her you trust her but you are having a tough time dealing with all this. Make sure she understands none of this is in any way her fault or problem but you just want her to know that you are working through it and everything will be fine.

 

Your other option is to tell her she can sleep with her friend once in a while as long as you are present. Put your ego aside and be happy your wife is experiencing so much pleasure.

 

This is why this kind of thing is extremely dangerous to any relationship. The man usually gets jealous and insecure that someone else was able to make his wife orgasm.

 

Don't hold this stuff in. Hell you were able to suggest she sleep with her gf so you should be able to talk about anything else right?

 

Good luck

 

Lost

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It can't ever go back to how it was, the dynamics of their relationship have changed. If they think they can go on much as before, like it never happened, they are kidding themselves, and you.

 

You are right to be concerned. You have no way of knowing of what they are up to behind your back and I get the feeling that now barriers are down between them and they enjoyed it so much, it is likely to happen again. So I agree with lostandhurt. You have to tell her how you feel.

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She stopped though right? Women do have a different view about this fantasy your wife mentioned; at least people that I know that had such experience. Honestly I wouldn't worry. If there was any reason that your wife wanted to leave you for another woman or fool around, she probably would've done so already. You took the chance like everyone else said but all sign indicate that it's just the matter of how you're seeing the situation.

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Time to be open and honest with your wife. Tell her you trust her but you are having a tough time dealing with all this. Make sure she understands none of this is in any way her fault or problem but you just want her to know that you are working through it and everything will be fine.

 

This. Exactly this.

 

Be open with her and tell her all of your feelings on the subject. Make sure that she understands that it's YOUR feelings and that she was not and is not the cause of them (meaning she didn't do anything wrong, you just underestimated the feelings that you'd have).

 

You just need time to deal.

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My ex-girlfriend did the exact same thing with her best friend, except without me there and didn't ask my permission. I let it go, had no reason not to think it was anything more than a one-time drunken thing. Pretty sure it was. Not worth ruining a relationship over, especially since you played your part in letting it happen. Now if it happens again, or if she asks you to join, then Houston we have a problem.

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holy, the fast responses, thanks, We have spoken quite a bit about the subject, she knows how I feel, but for some reason doesn't understand my conserns, she said "I can't believe it, this should be every man's fantasy" Regardless She told me I have nothing to worry about, and she has no intentions of leaving me, she has also told me that even though she will not do it again, she is glad she had the chance to experience it. I guess the bottom line is I just have to trust her and hope the girls will behave lol.

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You opened Pandora's Box and once its opened it too late to shut it. You enjoyed it at the time so there no point, being paranoid about your wife and her friend because the blood has rushed back to head number no. 1, from head no. 2

If you were introduced to a delicious new flavour of ice cream would you want just the one lick? Pardon the pun.

A fantasy should remain just that...a fantasy.

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Just wondering, what difference does it make if your there or not? Is it so you can get to enjoy the experience too? Or because you would feel more in control of the situation, like they are not cheating? The only difference I can see between this and cheating, is that they are cheating before your eyes and not behind your back.

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funny thing I do a lot of research for new things for the bedroom and stuff, look at message boards etc. I had never researched this because I never figured she would go for it, If I would have researched then these comments saying its your fault/too late would help me out lol, I already know It is my fault, I have admit this to her as well. I was just looking for feedback from people with experience in something like this, at least these comments may help someone else looking at something like this. I will say it too be carefull what you wish for

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Sorry, I hope I dont cause any offense but I think I would have to seriously question my whole relationship with someone who would do 'a show for the boys'.

 

I agree. It sounds like she has feelings that have not been discussed before. If she was that into it (and I don't think she did anything wrong at all, by the way) then there could be some problems that come up soon.

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A short while ago, I allowed my wife to sleep with her best friend, a women, I was present at the time(just watched), I played a big part in initiating the event

 

Whoa slow down man you are about to get yourself in some deep trouble here and the reason is the above quote. You played a big role in initiating the event so it seems to me to be part of your fantasy as well. You not only allowed your wife to sleep with her best friend but instigated it, now you feel insecure about the best friend which is completely normal in my opinion. If this was any other woman it would be fine to ask your wife to stop associating or being friends with her however this is her best friend. For you to instigate sex between the two and then disapprove of their friendship is a very selfish thing. What you would have done would be to take away your wife's best friend. This is all assuming that your insecurities will lead you to telling your wife about how uncomfortable you are with them being so close after the sex.

 

As for your questions there are always temptations after pleasure is experienced but it goes down to how well you and your wife communicate. Communicate your worries in a non-demanding way if your wife is a good woman you will have nothing to worry about.

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Lots of people have fantasies, but to act on them will change the dynamics in any relationship and that's why you should think things through rather than act on impulse. Now you're thinking is she attracted to women?

 

If she did it with a man do you think your reaction would have been the same?

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I don't think that makes a difference. I can't think of a man who wouldn't ask that. But I can think of a million women who wouldn't say yes.

 

I'm a man, and I wouldn't. I fantasize about women together all the time. I still wouldn't suggest it be done in reality.

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I don't understand. Why would the two of you, two married men, encourage your wives to sleep together? Why would you watch? Why did you want that? Don't you love your wife? Why would you push her to do that?

 

Anywho, I understand everyone is different, this is just realllllllly different.

 

I have a friend who carried on a relationship with her best friend. I have felt, in the past that it has changed things. They had a falling out, but now they are just regular best friends again. I don't understand it, but I guess things can go back to "normal" after enough time has passed.

 

I think...if they had sex already, they will continue whether you want them to or not, and no you won't be notified. This whole thing can ruin your marriage, and their friendship. At this point you just have to cope with the aftermath, but chances are they are going to continue hooking up.

They are best friends, they share everything together. Now they've slept together and they enjoyed it. If you don't think this will develop into a romantic relationship....it will. I'm not saying she'll divorce you or anything, I have no clue, she probably won't. It's just going to be an issue of her falling in love with her best friend. There is no longer a boundary dividing friendship from lover. Even though my friend and her best friend aren't really sexual anymore (that's she's told me anyway). I know my friend will always love her. I don't know, relationships are relationships, what can you say? Neither of the girls identify as lesbian either.

 

Honestly, I think you should apologize to your wife. Even though she agreed.

 

If the other husband doesn't mind, what if they all decide to have a threesome? I mean, if you aren't there, do you honestly think he'll "just watch"?

 

I think the best thing you can do is have open communication with your wife. That way she'll share her feelings with you, and you may be able to influence her a little bit. Actually, you already know, you have a TON of influence over her. So, that shouldn't be difficult.

 

I just feel sad about it, because what happened, will change everything.

 

However, if you really love your wife, you'll just hang in there, and don't push her into anything like that again. She's your wife. She's only supposed to sleep with you. I actually have another friend who's ex-husband pushed her into sex with others, for another reason. It is sooooo damaging. You would be surprised at the things women will do, to please their husbands. It's not right. You're supposed to be her protector. Things can get really bad.

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