blacklantana Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 So this new girl started within the past month or so, and we have recently been talking more. I'm in IT, so I pretty much end up meeting everyone, since their PC/Phone will has a problem sooner or later. Well, I've heard from other co-workers that she has a b/f, but supposedly he's a tool (doesn't treat her right, etc..). We have been going out to lunch the past few days and not once has she mentioned a boyfriend. She also flirts with me heavily, puts her hands on me, wants me to massage her, etc... She even said I was "sexy", which seems like a red-flag (if she does have a boyfriend). I don't know how to go about asking her if she has a boyfriend, since that's personal and really non of my business. But I would like to know, because if she does, it's not fair to her boyfriend that we are "flirting", and I'm going along with it. Any advice is appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 If you want to ask her out say "If you don't have a boyfriend I would like to ask you out on a date" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I agree with DN. Or just talk to her more and as soon as she mentions "bf", give her a bit of a cold shoulder and she'll leave you alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyfrank Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Is this girl worth risking job for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laninaperdida Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Even if she does have a BF a lot of people try to set up a few love interests before they break up with them. This is why so many people "appear" to have met someone else right away, They checked out and looked without crossing too many boundaries. Everyone leaves someone for someone. Everyone is left for someone. You could be the guy she leaves her BF for. I wouldnt' pursue her dramatically because I don't have a lot of respect for people who can't go it alone a bit, but if you like her get to know her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laninaperdida Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Is this girl worth risking job for? This is a more important factor than the supposed BF, IMO. I wouldn't date at work. Too messy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blacklantana Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 Is this girl worth risking job for? I honestly am not even looking for a relationship right now, I just do not want to cross boundaries if she does have a boyfriend. And even if I was looking for a relationship, I highly doubt that a girl who recently is breaking up with her boyfriend would be a good candidate according to my standard. I like to start off on a fresh slate where the girl's mind is clean without baggage or deep regrets. I wouldnt' pursue her dramatically because I don't have a lot of respect for people who can't go it alone a bit, but if you like her get to know her I agree, people need to learn to live alone. They need to reflect on their past relationships/friendships, see what went wrong and figure out how to fix it. This is a more important factor than the supposed BF, IMO. I wouldn't date at work. Too messy. I've never dated at work, but I'm not sure why it would be "messy", even if it did happen. Her and I aren't in the same group, as she sits on the other side of the building. Even if we ended up together, and had "fought" the night before work, I would NEVER bring my personal life to work. I never do, never have, never will. And before even getting into a relationship with someone at work, I would make it clear that despite our differences outside of work, a professional ethic must be maintained because I will definitely NOT lose my job over you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Do you guys share the same boss? Or are in any way connected? It can and does get messy. If it ends badly, she can badmouth you and that sort of stuff DOES travel through the building. A small talk about "professional ethic" isn't going to do anything if she's a real witch or she feels that you wronged her. She can and may ruin your job and reputation at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyfrank Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 You really don't know this girl. She could be vindictive if you did something she didn't like. I have seen this too many times. Being professional includes not allowing things to escalate. What if manager or boss goes to the same area you both eat at lunch and watches her put hands on you and call you sexy. How would you explain this to boss? Sorry for being negative just seen this too many times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blacklantana Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 Do you guys share the same boss? Or are in any way connected? It can and does get messy. If it ends badly, she can badmouth you and that sort of stuff DOES travel through the building. A small talk about "professional ethic" isn't going to do anything if she's a real witch or she feels that you wronged her. She can and may ruin your job and reputation at work. Do not have the same boss and are not connected. As I said, I'm not looking to be involved with her, I was just talking about hypothetical situations in the future in regards to dating people at work. It wouldn't be a "small" talk. It would be more along the lines of, " at work, we are just friends and known as just friends. we do not kiss or talk to each other as we would outside of work. anything that happens between us stays outside of work. and if you don't like these conditions, this wont' work." You really don't know this girl. She could be vindictive if you did something she didn't like. I have seen this too many times. Being professional includes not allowing things to escalate. What if manager or boss goes to the same area you both eat at lunch and watches her put hands on you and call you sexy. How would you explain this to boss? Sorry for being negative just seen this too many times. I agree with you, but I think the foundation for these relationships between co-workers were not set with the correct boundaries. I believe it can be fine if both parties are responsible, mature and respectful to one another, irrespective of what goes on between them. Although it might be rare, it's possible, and with patience and correct approach, it's definitely probable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 blacklantana, I am not as worried about what happens at working DURING the fling/relationship, but what may happen afterward. You may agree not to kiss or talk while at work but if it ends poorly, then you definitely risk her bad mouthing you. And no amount of talking and boundaries can prevent that. Once the relationship is over, the boudaries usually are too, and she won't have much to lose by badmouthing you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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