Need a 2nd opinion regarding mature LC / NC

[ghengisT]

She requested a break initially because she said the "feeling's" not there anymore. I kindly opened the door for her & said we owe it to ourselves to be happy because life is short. A few days later, I reached out to her for dinner & to get a few things off my chest & tried to pull her back in (Bad. I know). We love each other very much, but at 24yrs, I can coincide with wanting to spread your wings. I love her very much & want her to be happy with or without me, but she's trying to keep me around as her best friend, which I cannot (right now, at least).

 

In time I hope she comes around. I've taken the LC / NC approach as I was the needy person in our relationship. We planned a dinner a week out (after the initial dinner), and I anticipated she would make other plans so I made other plans in advance to be out of town. I didn't receive any calls or texts the day of the proposed dinner, but received several urgent text messages the following day regarding the puppy I had got her for Christmas last year. The texts were followed by "What happened to sat(urday)".

 

I played it cool & said "hey i got your txts.. i went up north for a couple days, on my way back right now.. what's up?"

 

She responded that she wanted to know when she could go see my parents and pay them the money she owes them (for a vet bill). Even though she and my mom communicate regularly via cell phone. Like she can't just call her & stop by? They live down the street.

 

I responded "Cool. How's Bear (the dog)".

 

She responded that he got a gash on his ear but she took care of it, though. Last we spoke.

 

Anyway, do you think I should have handled the LC / NC break differently? I feel as if I am being mature/nice about it. Any advice?

 

I can say I feel as if I've "semi-moved on". I've cleaned up quite a bit, taking better care of myself, reuniting w/ friends I lost touch with.. even started going to my company's advanced Yoga class once a week. I was avidly practicing Muay-Thai kick boxing when we met, and it's a costly sport so I fell out of it soon after falling for her.. I went back to my first class last night & am feeling pretty damn good about myself, future, etc.

[fwdz]

Keep NC. Tell your mom to do you a favor and stop talking to her...blood is thicker than water. So mom should back you up and make it easier to cut the cord.

[learning2relax]

You did great. She wants to keep you in her back pocket - you told her you can't - you are sticking to it - she is trying to continue to get what she wants.

 

If she communicates with your Mom and lives that close - she doesn't need to talk to you about paying her back. Heck, she can mail them a check if she is worried about dropping in.

 

IMO, and this is your choice to make here - I would go NC. She is using LC to get her needs met. As long as you respond she knows that she has your attention and it is fulfilling her need to maintain contact, without having to be in a relationship. I suggest letting her see what life is really like without you - you are doing well in moving on as best you can with your own life (nice job btw). Let her wonder and feel when you don't respond to her reaching out. Big difference when you get no response vs. you get some response.

 

Again, my two cents - you have to do what you feel is right and what you are comfortable with.

[ghengisT]

Thanks Learning2Relax. That was very motivating for me. Hard NC begins now!

 

I believe you responded to an earlier post about making a response- I appreciate that one too!