My mother hates spending time with her children

[bluexin99]

So I always thought parents value the time they spend with their children because as children get older, they would inevitably become more independent and detach themselves (at least physically). At least I thought my parents did but now I know my mother really does not. Sometimes I question if she even loves me and my brother (we are her biological children). I know she loves herself more than any of us (she admitted it).

 

She is a musician (does not work nor does she make any money out of her performances) and my father is the sole breadwinner in my family. I understand that there may not be opportunities for her to explore her talent here but I would never have imagined that she wants to go to another country - on the other side of the globe from where we are for a couple of years - to join a band so that she could possibly make money (but only a small possibility). My father is making enough money to support the family but my mother is never content. And she's never had to work since we came to Australia 16 years ago.

 

I told her that her departure from us would inevitably mean that we would physically and emotionally detach from her and that she may regret losing that time she could have spent with us in the future (because in my mind, if I were her, I would). Her response was: "So? Then so be it.". It really stunned me. I was just so shocked. To be honest, although she has never expressed it before, I have always known that she does not enjoy spending time with me and my brother the way that my father does. However, in the back of my mind, I just wish she would love us more. I know her desire to leave is much more than just making her own money. She wants to leave us and the family and explore fresh and exciting things... and people.

 

Any kind words or insights would be highly appreciated.

[DN]

I am so sorry your mother is so incredibly selfish. I suppose there is not much you can do - some people are just like that. Is your father going to continue t support her while she does her own thing?

 

All I can advics is to spend as much time as you can with the parent and sibling who do love and care for you.

 

edit: I just saw the thread where she is cheating on your father. She does seem a package.

[turnera]

My mother loved me a lot, but she never wanted to participate in any kid things. She never played a single game with me. But I knew she wanted me.

 

But some people just grow up selfish and self-absorbed. Let her go, grieve for the mom you never had, and lean on the rest of your family.

[pl3asehelp]

She sounds really immature, selfish and flaky. Sorry, but it least sounds like you have a good dad. Well, when she's old, broke, and alone you don't have to feel bad about not being there for her. My mother in law is like this - it's really hard on kids. What she really needs is to have to support herself.

[rosephase]

How old are you and your brother?