how did u feel when u finally realized he/she want absolutely nothing 2 do w/ u

[bananashake]

When u see them, they act like u don't exist.

 

If u call them, they don't answer or they've had their number changed

 

If u email them, u get no response.

 

How does this REALLY make u feel? It makes me feel like poo. I am the one getting the cold shoulder now, but in reality, I'm po'd because I should have been the one to drop him like a hotcake!! But the moment I stood up for myself and let him have a taste of his poison tenfold..... he drops me, calls me crazy to our friends, ignores me like I'm dead, changes his number and basically acts like I never existed. 2 months ago, I was the one he wanted to marry. But now, I'm the one who he wishes he never met.

 

How does this happen? why does it happen?

 

He treated me like crap for months, but I"m the crazy person? for what? standing up for myself for once?

[thejigsup]

Let's see, he was a jerk who treated you badly and you stood up for yourself and now he won't talk to you and you're upset? I don't get it. I should think you'd be happy the idiot is leaving you alone.

[offplanet]

Sorry to say, but you must have done something to cause him to go to those extremes to avoid you.

[DN]

I don't think that is necessarily true - sometimes people who feel guilty over a break up will justify to themselves or their friends by inventing something like that.

[Oliviaa]

Who dumped who? If you're the dumpee, don't even initiate contact. There is no need to email him, text him, call him. Let him be. He made his bed now he has to lie in it. Use this silence to get a head-start in your healing. Easier said than done I know......

 

Be grateful that he is leaving you alone - you can use this space to start getting over him and going through your emotions. How annoying would it be if he kept cropping up now and again? His absence should be a cause of celebration!

 

ATM you won't feel this way, but in time I'm guarnetee you'll see this as a blessing in disguise. Good luck!

[JA0371]

Banana I understand why you're upset. Yes LOGICALLY the roles should be reversed, but emotionally they are not. The problem comes down to this guy just not caring enough about you for it to matter. And while yes, you should be 'happy' that this guy is leaving you alone, rejection still sucks when you are still emotionally attached. You are sill emotionally attached to the outcome with this guy and meanwhile he has not even glanced in his rear view mirror at you. He is gone.

The key here is for you to stop caring WHY, hard as that is. I get your pain, but this guy is not going to give you closure or the answers you seek. Accept that this is over and that it being over is fOR THE BEST. I am going through a sort of similar situation myself. Message me anytime if you need.

[bananashake]

Sorry to say, but you must have done something to cause him to go to those extremes to avoid you.

 

I made him mad by calling him a lazy and pathetic parent to his 2 little boys. Which he most definitely needed to hear.

[mhowe]

I made him mad by calling him a lazy and pathetic parent to his 2 little boys. Which he most definitely needed to hear.

 

And you are surprised that he wants nothing to do with you? Regardless of whether that statement is true or not, how does it become your responsiblity to let him know? That doesn't sound like you were standing up for yourself --- it sounds like you were, right or wrong, tearing down his character.

[bananashake]

And you are surprised that he wants nothing to do with you? Regardless of whether that statement is true or not, how does it become your responsiblity to let him know? That doesn't sound like you were standing up for yourself --- it sounds like you were, right or wrong, tearing down his character.

 

I stood up for myself and while I was at it, I stood up for the 6 yo son of his that he bullies. I basically told him that women will always come and go. But he only has one shot with his son, and now is the time to make some serious changes on how he interacts with him, if he wishes to have any type of relationship with him when the child grows older. I called him out on the bullying (not the 1st time I've called him out on it) and the extreme favoritism he shows to the other child. He said he does it becauase they have different mothers and he can't stand the one mother and takes it out on the boy. anyway, made him mad. I don't feel too guilty about saying all that. I know what happened in that household and that boys emotions were being screwed with by his dad.

 

Either he will make changes and a decent father/son rship will blossom. Or, he will continue doing what he is doing, and the boy won't have much to do with him when he is older. I will report back to this place in about 10 years with an update!

[mhowe]

Okay -- nothing wrong w/ any of that. However, the additional info says he has had at least 2 other failed relationships, and has 2 kids as a result. So my question is: did you think calling him out on his parenting skills was going to make him love you more?

 

He doesn't seem like much of a catch --- so why does his opinion of you and his comments about you mean anything?

[DN]

I think you were entirely in the wrong to call him out on his parenting. That was a low blow.

[bananashake]

I think you were entirely in the wrong to call him out on his parenting. That was a low blow.

 

And it's more low of him to treat his 6 yo like the black sheep because he doesn't like the woman who he was once having casual sex with.

[DN]

Yes, but you had already talked to him about that. To do it after a break-up was all about you wanting to hurt him and nothing to do with the welfare of his child, particularly because it was just one of a list of things you ranted to him about. In future, it is best to not talk to an ex at all, especially if you have nothing good to say.

[bananashake]

Yes, but you had already talked to him about that. To do it after a break-up was all about you wanting to hurt him and nothing to do with the welfare of his child, particularly because it was just one of a list of things you ranted to him about. In future, it is best to not talk to an ex at all, especially if you have nothing good to say.

 

I don't mean to keep beating this down and I do appreciate all the advice that you have given me on past threads. But it's hard to convey accross the Internet how complicated things were and how it truly went down. To you, it seems like I got mad and went for the jugular for no reason other than hurting him. But the truth is, I went for the jugular because every.single.time I left his house while that particular son was there, I felt ill and sick to my stomach over the way daddy belittled that child. Yes, I spoke up once during a time when things weren't heated. And unfortunately, things did not change. Nor did my feelings change on how wrong the situation truly was. I wanted to broach it many other times, but the timing was never right. Therefore, in the heat of the moment, I let it out AGAIN. In anger. I did so at that moment because I didn't give a hoot whether or not I ever saw him again, and I just HAD to get it out there AGAIN.

 

It's not so cut and dry. I love kids and the defenseless and innocent. I may have been in the wrong to you and to others, but I think The Man upstairs is throwing high fives my way - because only He, myself, ex and the boy really know what was going down behind those screechy closed doors.

[DN]

If you think that a child is being abused then you should call CPS. But what you said will have been interpreted as an attack on him and will have no impact on the way he treats his child - other than perhaps make it worse. Saying "in the heat of the moment I just had to get it out there again" shows this was about you relieving your feelings more than being about the child.

 

Anyway. I don't want to go on about this but I do suggest you think things through a little more carefully in future.

[JA0371]

Bananashake I haVe to agree with DN on this. The way your ex disciplined his child had no bearing on your relationship with him. If you thought his parenting skills were that horrid then maybe you should have notified someone and then broken up with him. But to berate someone's parenting skills when you are not the child's mother, is a bit controlling and mean. That is probably how he envisioned you when you said this to him.

[bananashake]

Bananashake I haVe to agree with DN on this. The way your ex disciplined his child had no bearing on your relationship with him. If you thought his parenting skills were that horrid then maybe you should have notified someone and then broken up with him. But to berate someone's parenting skills when you are not the child's mother, is a bit controlling and mean. That is probably how he envisioned you when you said this to him.

 

It wasn't when he was disciplining him, it was the way he treated him in general. And what would I have said to DCFS? Afterall, the child wasn't being hurt physically. You know as well as I that the courts are very lenient when it comes to these things. Emotional abuse is hard to prove. Another reason I didn't report it is because my ex is fully aware that he does this, and he once told me that he wants to change and have a positive rship with his son. Underneath the shields, he is a down to earth guy and I do like to believe that despite me hitting a nerve, he gave it some thought when the dust settled. He has a very poor rship with his own father and I know he doesnt want the same rship with his children deep down.

 

And you are right, I am not the mother. But we were talking marriage at some point, which means I would have been a SM to the boys. I want the boys to be happy and successful in life. I want the boys to have healthy rships when they are older with each other, with their parents and with someone of the opposite sex. I also know that having high self esteem is key for anyone to have success in their life. Having a SM/future SM who sits back and does nothing while daddy belittles the kid is not the way to be.

 

Anyway, he is not coming back. It has finally hit me that he is GONE. I know him pretty well and I really thought that he would come back after a few weeks, telling me that he was sorry for how treated me and acknowledging that he needs to improve his inner self for his sake and the boys sake. I thought he would acknowedge that counseling would be a good thing for us to attend. He knows he has issues. He knows he has big issues. He is always reading self help books. I am just coming to grips with him being gone. And I am doing what needs to be done to move on myself. Just isn't easy.

[nomorecupid]

my ex has a son. in my personal opinion, u did the right thing. i don't think he will ever contact u to apologize like u are hoping for, but im sure he thinks of you anytime he is about to belittle the poor boy. and im sure he has bit his tongue at least a few times thanks to you.

 

or worse case scenerio, he thinks u are the biggest B ever and he hasn't changed his ways. But if he is truly aware that he is the azz clown you described him to be, and u said he is aware, then, I think you hit the nail on the head and he is going to make changes. u gave him a big dose of reality to drink.