ACA84 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 First off, let me say that I got out of a bad 7 year relationship almost 2 years ago. Since then I have had a wonderful time; some things were good and others heartbreaking. I have made lots of new friends, and I now myself better know. In the last few years I’ve fallen in love a few times, and had my heart broken again… Eight months ago I started seeing this guy I am in a relationship with. We talked for a month before meeting, and have mutual friends. I knew that he had a lot of problems, and that he wasn’t ideal for me, but I went against my better judgment. I liked dating, and I had fun being single… even if I was a hot-mess. I hate to say this, but I felt kinda sorry for him. I should have walked away in the beginning when he told me he loved me the first week, but I was too curious. I am 27, graduating with my BSW in May, and living at my mom’s. I am planning on traveling this summer, and moving to Korea next year. I have a ton of friends, so if I want to go out, I always can. I like to be independent, even though I’m struggling right now. I drank a lot over last summer, but I have calmed down and am trying to concentrate on bettering myself. He is 34, he went to college for 3 years, he is an alcoholic, he has a part-time job, and lives at his parents house. Like I said, he isn’t ideal BUT he is the kindest person I know. He treats me like I am the only girl in the world. I KNOW he loves me. He is the most well read person I have met. He knows everything about poetry, cult films, art, and music. He is a very unique person, and that is why I like him. Although he supports my dreams and loves me SO much, I do not feel happy. I feel like something is missing for me. It seems that his WHOLE world revolves around me, and it is just not good enough for me. He hardly does anything without me. I have asked him to stop drinking so much, but he still manages to get drunk almost every night. He has made improvement in that he has a part-time job that he likes. He and I are both unusual people… we don’t see the world like others… but sometimes I feel that his political beliefs are crazy. He is a HUGE conspiracy theorist, to the point of no logic, and no return. I am open minded and a free spirit, but something I get so angry about some of the things he says. I feel like it causes a bigger rift between us. Sometimes I am a complete * * * * * to him… I know it’s wrong, but I feel like his overly passive behavior has made me lose some respect for him. Basically, I am unhappy with his lack of motivation, his drinking, his obsession with conspiracies, and the fact that he constantly follows me like a puppy. I know it sounds mean, but it irritates me so much. I have tried so hard to get him to just man up… but it only just backfires. I know I cannot change him, and frankly I don’t want to be in a relationship where I want to change somebody… I tell him that he needs to make his life better FOR HIM, but he only wants to do things for me. It’s like he ONLY cares about me. He also blames other people for things that he should take responsibility for… and it really irritates me. He also always wants to talk to me when he is drinking, and I cannot stand it. We haven’t been intimate in a month, because I don’t want to lead him on. I have been telling him that I am not happy, and that he needs to be prepared for if and when * * * * hits the fan. Sometimes I’ve been a bit too blunt maybe. But this past week, I have been stressing more that I think I need to be alone. I have so much going on, and I am so stressed out. I feel like I am not emotionally available for him. I feel like he is somewhat obsessed with me. I feel like he needs to get his own life, and as long as I am in the picture, he will not do this. He deserves someone who treats him better than I do and who doesn’t take his gentle nature for granted. I love him. I do love him… but I don’t know how much. I don’t feel that I should be so confused. I don’t know that I want to settle down… I have told him all of this. I told him I am not happy but he doesn’t get it. It doesn’t matter how many times I say it, it is like he is in denial of it. He tries to tell me that things were fine at one point or another. I tell him that just because things seemed okay, it does not mean that I am completely happy. I shouldn’t have to convince myself that I love him. He keeps asking me for another chance… but I don’t know if it is even about chances at this point. The last two days I have been ignoring him, because he has been trying to guilt trip me. I know he is doing it out of desperation, but I don’t know that I want to be with someone who is so desperate. I want someone who is a stand-up and emotionally mature person. Sometimes I feel like he is a boy. This breaks my heart too… because he is my best friend. I hate to break his heart because I am his world. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I am breaking up with him because I want to, or just because I can. I'm worried about how he will be once I break up with him. I really need advice… Link to comment
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