springfvr Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I have worked with the girl I am dating a couple of years. Have been dating a couple of months. Everything has moved rather quickly with her being the more aggressive one. The sex is the best I have ever had and I believe I am completely in love with her. However, she is not yet divorced from her husband. She wants to have a child with me but does not want to get married in the near future. In the past I would have never even thought of the idea of having a child out of wedlock but this girl is amazing. I was raised in a very traditional family and have traditional values. When I tell her that my family will freak if she gets pregnant without being married she tells me "you are a grown man" think for yourself. I know I am a grown man. Is it a little soon to be talking about having a child, even though we are really into each other and in love? We are both in our mid 30's My question is that she knows how much I am into her, do you think she is trying to manipulate me? Is she going to dump me because I am a rebound? The last thing is she is getting divorced because she cheated on her husband. I know huge red flag. I think I am letting my heart overtake my logic. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Wow, I think I'd rather have the doctor tell me I have cancer than to find out I got this chick pregnant. That would be the worst thing that could probably ever happen to you OP. Reasons To Dump Her 1 - She's a cheater 2 - She's married 3 - She wants to have a child with you after only dating a couple of months - this is absolutely insane Why do you think, and I say think because I don't think you are, you are in love with her? You didn't mention anything I'd consider positive about her other than good sex. You've mentioned many terrible things about her. Run like hell man unless you can fill in some details about her that make her look good. Link to comment
springfvr Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Wow, I think I'd rather have the doctor tell me I have cancer than to find out I got this chick pregnant. That would be the worst thing that could probably ever happen to you OP. Reasons To Dump Her 1 - She's a cheater 2 - She's married 3 - She wants to have a child with you after only dating a couple of months - this is absolutely insane Why do you think, and I say think because I don't think you are, you are in love with her? You didn't mention anything I'd consider positive about her other than good sex. You've mentioned many terrible things about her. Run like hell man unless you can fill in some details about her that make her look good. I didnt mean to come accross so cold about her, I wanted to state the facts I guess. She is a very sweet girl and she is good to me. I am trying to think this through logically but I feel I am getting carried away and am going to get hurt badly. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I think it's just the sex, OP. Think about it. She's married already, MARRIED. Yet, she's been entertaining the idea of carrying your child and has stated she has no desire to ever get married again. Take your shades off. Link to comment
springfvr Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 I think it's just the sex, OP. Think about it. She's married already, MARRIED. Yet, she's been entertaining the idea of carrying your child and has stated she has no desire to ever get married again. Take your shades off. She didn't say she never wants to get married again, just not right now. Should I just sit her down and tell her I really care about her and we should continue dating and take it slow and then in a few months see where we are? All my friends are telling me even if she agrees to that I need to wear a condom because she might try and trick me. Some people are like that I guess??? Link to comment
dolorosa Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 MARRIED.... run as fast as you can. or you could end up like me... took me 8 months and a lot of pain to get over someone that was only trying to get over someone else... run! Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I didnt mean to come accross so cold about her, I wanted to state the facts I guess. She is a very sweet girl and she is good to me. I am trying to think this through logically but I feel I am getting carried away and am going to get hurt badly. Ok, so you added sweet and good to you. Well, she wasn't good to her husband when she cheated on him, so I think you can assume she decides who to be good to and who not to based on what she wants. Logically you could be the one she's not so good to some day in the future. Now all you're left with is sweet - if that's all you have good to say about her, I'd move along. If you have a kid with her, not only will you potentially get hurt, but the kid I think runs a much greater risk of being screwed up. Link to comment
livelarge Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I am trying to think this through logically but I feel I am getting carried away and am going to get hurt badly. That little voice inside your head is trying to tell you something. Listen to it. Wait for the euphoria of new love to dissipate before making a life changing decision like this. And she might try and trick you, there are people out there like that. You don't know if she's one of them until it's too late. Protect yourself just in case. Link to comment
springfvr Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 They are separated and they don't live together and the divorce papers have been filed. Just want to make it clear that her being married is a legality. I know there are a lot of red flags so just wanted to say. Link to comment
dolorosa Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 My ex boyfriend said the same, he was separated and had a very expensive lawyer working on their divorce... he is now happily back to his wife. I guess that if you are here, then you feel something is not right. I was so in love with my ex that I did not see any of the red flags. Just be careful and hope things sort out in a good way. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 They are separated and they don't live together and the divorce papers have been filed. Just want to make it clear that her being married is a legality. I know there are a lot of red flags so just wanted to say. Despite their living situation and filing status, I still wouldn't call her marriage a 'legality' - she needs months if not years to heal from this. Link to comment
springfvr Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Despite their living situation and filing status, I still wouldn't call her marriage a 'legality' - she needs months if not years to heal from this. I know you are right. Ughhh if this ends I still have to see her everyday at work. Link to comment
Liraele Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I know you are right. Ughhh if this ends I still have to see her everyday at work. I don't think it's a matter of "if" but "when." If you guys really have such a great connection, it'll still be there when her divorce is final and she's had a chance to heal. And, under NO circumstances have unprotected sex with this woman. Do not consider having a child with her until her divorce is final, at the very least. You never know what could happen in the meantime, and all you could be looking at is a big, fat, child support payment if she's not who she says she is. Link to comment
springfvr Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Another thing is that I went home this past weekend for my grandmothers 90th birthday party. It is about 2 hours from here. My girlfriend said she could not go with me because she had things to do. But my friends are saying that the 2 of us are talking about such serious things, child etc. and she doesn't want to meet my family. They think it doesn't add up, she would want to meet them. She fears being judged on some level perhaps??? My family doesn't know all the details yet about wanting to have a child etc. Link to comment
HesitantNow Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 There's a decent chance of her being scared of being judged and for good reason. You've stated enough in this thread that shows you know this isn't a good situation. Riding it out for right now isn't a terrible idea but as others have mentioned, don't go down the kid route. Link to comment
springfvr Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 I am going to talk to her. The intensity is so much!! Maybe it is just the sex...I don't know. How long does the honeymoon phase last? Feels like it could go on forever with her. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I am going to talk to her. The intensity is so much!! Maybe it is just the sex...I don't know. How long does the honeymoon phase last? Feels like it could go on forever with her. The honeymoon phase lasts until you live together and need to clean up her dirty clothes and dishes and it pisses you off. Link to comment
springfvr Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 The honeymoon phase lasts until you live together and need to clean up her dirty clothes and dishes and it pisses you off. LOL. Thanks for replying to my thread. I just needed some unbiased opinions. Guess I have some thinking to do. I really think she could be the one. Link to comment
WockaWocka Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I am going to talk to her. The intensity is so much!! Maybe it is just the sex... Talking to her won't help. She has you under her spell, she wraps you up in pretzel knots of logic, then gives you this 'you are a grown man, decide for yourself' line that's designed to push you away from your internal compass and toward what she wants. What you need to do is take a step back from the whole mess and reconsider. Here are two questions (food for thought): 1. What makes you think a woman who cheated on her husband would ever be faithful to her boyfriend? 2. If you had a sister who was in a similar situation with a married man, and he wanted her to have his baby, what would you advise her to do?? Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.