An update: 3 months post breakup.

[Chandra]

I finished off 2011 with a breakup, which I detailed in a few threads but relevant in specifically these posts:

 

Healing from a breakup - What I've learned AND Forgiving myself for being unable to deal.

 

So it's been 2 months since I last communicated with the EX. I have maintained strict NC, no text, phone, facebook.. nothing. The only one place I still have connection with her is on Linkedin, which hasn't been updated once. It's kinda driving me crazy because all I wanted to know if she ever got a job after breaking up (which she was trying so hard to do). And if not, what the hell is she doing? And I know nothing. haha. Probably for the best...

 

I'm pretty much emotionally stable, at least as far I don't go through periods of breakup-induced emotional swings. Of course I get lonely at times, and naturally my thoughts go to her. However, the loneliness doesn't only spur memories of her anymore, I also think about other exes, relationships, people I've dated. Lately I've been feeling the emotional trauma of other relationships in my psyche, and I wonder if I really ever took the time to heal myself completely and address the past. I've had some female interest and I thought about dating for a hot second, but immediately recoiled. The idea of being with someone kind of stings right now. Obviously I have some more self discovery left before I can cross that bridge.

 

Fortunately, I have really enjoyed the freedom lately of being single. I've been able to accomplish a lot, including school work grad school, carving out prospects out future career prospects, and implementing a project which has been in contact with numerous important people in the city, including the Mayor. I'm also visiting Seattle with my friends over spring break, and am already thinking about where to travel next. I've starting playing and (trying) writing music again, which has been awesome. Never had time to do that when I had a GF.

 

My future after school is WIDE OPEN. After this summer, I can do whatever I want. It is really overwhelming. I have to balance the idea of starting new in an incredible city for a career job, or staying put in a community that has nourished me for the last year. Tough choice. I'm sure the job opportunities that are available will make the decision slightly less ambiguous.

 

I'm finding exactly what I hoped - that it's really not that hard to be happy and single. Sure, you get lonely, but there are also negative feelings I experienced while I was in a relationship - such as obligation, confinement, or feeling insufficient. And feeling like my future is predetermined. And choosing whoever the hell I want to spend time with.

 

My heart goes out to all of you who are still struggling. Keep your feet moving, don't move back. There's life after relationships and it can be pretty good, if you are open to it. Take your time - there's much enjoyment and happiness to be found in the world, whether it involves a significant other or not.

 

Best to you all,

 

-K

[Heidern]

Glad to see you're making progress. Stay strong!

[Musical77]

Good to hear your progress Chandra. Your posts were always thoughtful and I'm sure they helped a lot of people.