RitaTrue Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 How did you initiate NC? Did you tell them face to face, call them, or did you simply just fade away without explanation? How did you do it? Link to comment
hodgeheg Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 He walked out of the front door; I closed it. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 IMO, you just stop calling, texting or stopping by. It seems counter-intuitive to tell someone that you are no going to be in contact with them. Just don't be in contact. And if they contact you w/ meaningless texts, ignore. If they call because they truly want to talk to you, decide if you want to --- you owe them nothing. Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I did it by by falling off the face of the earth the day she walked out my front door on Jan 8th of this year. I have gone off the grid, gone ghost, became invisible, vanished into thin air in her world.....she can deal with the void I have left in her miserable life, I truly believe she will pretend it all away, but there is no doubt she will feel it after 6 years together. Her choice = her loss... and her loss was ME! Link to comment
Tranquillo Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 You make a decision and then just stick to it no matter what. I think most find it easier when they fade away without explanation and leave the other person to figure it out for themselves. Link to comment
VeryConfused17 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 kept in LC post BU till i found out she was dating a dude very shortly after our BU. Told her to not call me. Last contact was via email, trying to get photos from her that I needed. Haven't had any contact since. Just kind of fell off the face of the planet. If she wants anything to do with me she'll contact me. Though i often feel like its a staring contest of sorts. Will she or I break NC first. Best be her, cause while I find it hard at times, I know that we won't be getting back to Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 IMO, you just stop calling, texting or stopping by. It seems counter-intuitive to tell someone that you are no going to be in contact with them. Just don't be in contact. And if they contact you w/ meaningless texts, ignore. If they call because they truly want to talk to you, decide if you want to --- you owe them nothing. It depends on how you broke up: how nasty it was. For me personally, my last break up was pretty mutual, and we were friends for a while afterwards. But, at some point, I realized that I needed to go NC. So I deleted his friends and him from my facebook, and then sent him an email saying that I needed space and not to call me. Different strokes for different folks. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 It depends on how you broke up: how nasty it was. For me personally, my last break up was pretty mutual, and we were friends for a while afterwards. But, at some point, I realized that I needed to go NC. So I deleted his friends and him from my facebook, and then sent him an email saying that I needed space and not to call me. Different strokes for different folks. My break up was not acrimonious at all. When he said he need a break, I left. NC for 4 months. I didn't tell him I was not going to call/write/stop by --- I just didn't. He wanted a break. That is what he got. We have been back together for 10 months, and things are better than ever. We had been friends for 6 yrs previous to our relationship. As things stand now, the end is not in sight. Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 My break up was not acrimonious at all. When he said he need a break, I left. NC for 4 months. I didn't tell him I was not going to call/write/stop by --- I just didn't. He wanted a break. That is what he got. We have been back together for 10 months, and things are better than ever. We had been friends for 6 yrs previous to our relationship. As things stand now, the end is not in sight. That's slightly different. He initiated the NC, not you. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 That's slightly different. He initiated the NC, not you. No, he asked for some space/time. I could have called, been in contact --- I just didn't. There was no big announcement party. He didn't say "don't be in contact - at all". I just respected him enough to hear that that is what he wanted/needed. He came back --- again, his choice. My choice was to accept it. Link to comment
gluestick Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 For me, I went to see him and told him face to face that I wanted NC. He wanted to be friends after the breakup and kept initiating contact online. After a week, I decided I couldn't be just friends and told him I wanted NC. I realize now that he only wanted to be friends on his terms...that means only being there whenever he wanted emotional support and disappear right after. Link to comment
kate87 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I've always felt better about myself when I just fade away - let them sit around wondering what happened. That said, it only applies when I've been able to keep it up. Link to comment
Cowboy1015 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 How did you initiate NC? Did you tell them face to face, call them, or did you simply just fade away without explanation? How did you do it? I initiated by Not Contacting my ex. This reminds me of an (TMobile?) advertisement. The girl called her boyfriend telling him that she's giving him the silent treatment. And the guy said, you don't know how silent treatment works. (Of course the guy meant, she should have just gone silent) Well the comedy is, the girl didn't say a word afterwards. LOL. Link to comment
JA0371 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I started with NC, by just doing it...now I'm doing hardcore NIC (no initiating contact) and only responding when absolutely necessary...life must go on.... Link to comment
dumPI Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 She had seen how I dealt with a previous girl who just was playing around. During the relationship she had also tried to make me promise that we'd be friends if things didn't work between us. Once when she hinted a temporary break she said: "I'm scared that if I make the wrong decision you won't talk to me ever again" So she knew what I'd do if we broke up: NC and "hi & bye" if we meet by chance. Yet, during "the talk" which was held on MSN she said: "Can't we break up and start again as friends? Cause you are my best friend" I didn't answer to that question directly, just make her notice that two days before I was her sweetheart and now just a friend. Two chat lines more and I said: "XXXXX, bye". Block & delete contact from MSN, block & delete contact from Skype. In that moment started my online NC with her. One week later, I went unawaited to her country to pick up my stuff, she wanted to talk I refused. She texted me 2 days later while I still was in her country which I completely ignored. It read: "I've been thinking and while you are here we should talk so that we are not angry with each other". Reading that "WITH EACH OTHER" drove me crazy. Why the heck would she feel angry with me when she was dumping me? As said I didn't answer. I met her mother and she asked me if I had got the text. I said I did but there was nothing to talk about as we didn't have any fight it was "just" a "I'm not in love with you" thing. Anyway her mother arranged an ambush and I ended up having THE TALK in person. Since then NC. So I look at NC as something which shows my coherency, the same I maintained during the whole relationship: you are with me, I give you all. you leave, I give you nothing .... as hard as it's being for me, of course. I am super proud of how I cut the chat in 3 lines. Didn't really want to hear the excuses. Didn't need the talk, the closure ... nothing. From the moment I read: "I love you BUT ..." I knew it was over. On the other hand I still feel bad about having had the face to face talk. I feel as if I betrayed myself because I promised myself I wouldn't allow that ease-guilt talk to happen. Link to comment
lolgirl Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I know most people do not recommend sending a letter. I send him a NC letter because I was simply DONE. I didn't want to hold onto the hope of us working out our differences...to me, the letter was like a funeral. I told him how much he hurt me through his lack of commitment, the lies, and the constant need for breaks and breakups. I told him never to contact me again and that I am moving on with my life without him. It's been a month since then and I'm so glad I did it. I have a history of taking him back, so I wanted to make it clear that this time, I am living my life without him. For me, it was the first steps I took in healing...and I have not looked back! Link to comment
Scuza Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I stopped replying to her texts. She sent a few angry ones, which I deleted and ignored. Link to comment
OldSoul86 Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 So I look at NC as something which shows my coherency, the same I maintained during the whole relationship: you are with me, I give you all. you leave, I give you nothing .... as hard as it's being for me, of course. I agree with you 100 percent dumPI. I am the same way. I gave my ex and my relationship my all - she left me, and therefore she gets nothing more from me, simply because I have nothing left to give. The pain is excruciating at times, but I know what is best for me, and I know that she will become a distant memory in time. Some people need to go cold-turkey - getting over someone you gave your heart to is analogous to kicking a horrible habit. Link to comment
mrtango Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 How did you initiate NC? Did you tell them face to face, call them, or did you simply just fade away without explanation? How did you do it? When she dumped me on skype, she told me that we will never see each other again. The day after she had already erased me from her life. So I decided to respect that. I never called her or tried to communicate. I think she doesn't need nor deserve an explanation after the way she dumped me. I just disappeared from the world. Now, 8 months later, I can tell that NC helped me a lot. It was not for her, it was for me. So I don't have to explain it to her. I know it was the hardest thing in my life, but I did it. I hope it will help you too... I hope you will get better... Link to comment
jeepman41 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I stopped emailing and texting her. I just did not reply. After 270 days of complete NC we are now in LC. Sometimes the response is a few days sometimes a few weeks but I pine for her no longer. NC helped me to break the emotional bond and get over her. Link to comment
duke nukem Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Asked her to refrain from contacting me so that I could work on and fix my issues. Link to comment
Guitarguy_82 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 NC helped me to break the emotional bond and get over her. Love that. Can't wait until I get to that point! As for my NC...we were in LC post BU (I was forced to dump her...she emotionally detached way before the actual BU) and then after foolishly trying to befriend her after her breadcrumbs...I went NC. Made no notice of it whatsoever. Haven't heard from her in about 2.5 months. Deleted her number and blocked on FB. Have no intention of contacting her nor wish to hear from her... down the road who knows. I hope to be indifferent to it all and can venture into a new relationship after I've healed. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 First I just stopped taking his phone calls. Then after a month when I had calmed down I called him up one last time and told him I did not want us to even be friends. He said, "We'll talk later." I replied, "No, we won't" and hung up. Since then I have refused all phone calls. Unfortunately a few weeks ago he was back in town and tracked me down and things got pretty heated since he confronted me in person in a coffee shop as to why I wouldn't take his phone calls. He wouldn't believe me when I continued to state my position, that we were done and I did not even want a friendship let alone him and I had to end up sending an email to him detailing exactly all of the reasons why I wanted nothing more to do with him. I haven't heard from him since and I've gone back to NC. He was the dumper BTW, but expected me to be available whenever he wanted to use me. Wrong. Link to comment
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