flatplane Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 RIght, background info can be found: Basically last met up on the 7 Feb, ended with her crying saying we need to stay friends. I went NC since then. Maybe I had a few weak moments and peaked at her FB profile, but she's not heard a peep from me. I get a text today, which basically says she wants to do the decent thing, see how I am, and explain that she's seeing another bloke now, and how she wanted to tell me herself, but she expects I've already heard. She said it's all gone so quickly since I went out of the country for a few days in the middle of the month. And how she doesn't want it to be awkward between us at work. Basically what do I reply to that with? Do I even dignify that with a response? Is this a breadcrumb? Does she just want the ego boost of knowing that I'm still thinking about her? Guilt? Remorse? Rebounding? Personally I reckon I should probably just reply with that I'm feeling great, that I already knew anyway, and that it's a shame she won't get to see the changes I've made to my life. I'd rather not burn my bridges at this stage, but I'm just a little confused as to what to write. Quite how saying that by text is now the "decent thing" I've no idea. TBF I'd rather she was just frank with me when we broke up about her liking another guy, rather than her "not wanting to fight anymore", or "lie to her parents anymore". Thoughts, advice? The only other thing you need to know is that she was on FB chat when I got in from being out on the bike, so I posted a status about that, then she went offline about 5-10 minutes after I came on. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I 'd say Ignore, but you won't. So, go w: Great--- you're right, heard it through the grape vine. No worries. Do not mention in any way that "she won't get to see the changes." You work together -- she will see and hear them. Be very non-chalant around her. Living well is the best revenge. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I think "silence" on your end would send the strongest message. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I would reply. "It is easier to do the decent thing when the hard part is over, isn't it? Stop contacting me." Cut her from FB as well. Link to comment
flatplane Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 I would reply. "It is easier to do the decent thing when the hard part is over, isn't it? Stop contacting me." Cut her from FB as well. Hmm, I don't want to be an arse as I'm up for reconcilliation with her at some point, and I wasn't exactly blameless in the break up either. We both had our faults. I 'd say Ignore, but you won't. So, go w: Great--- you're right, heard it through the grape vine. No worries. Do not mention in any way that "she won't get to see the changes." You work together -- she will see and hear them. Be very non-chalant around her. Living well is the best revenge. You know me too well already. I think you're pretty spot on with that to be honest. I feel like I should ask how she is? I should point out this came through about midday and I still haven't replied. I don't want her to think I'm over thinking, or is that in itsself over thinking? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Yup---- overthinking. She is with another. Leave it alone, hold your head up high and smile.....think "no worries" Hmm, I don't want to be an arse as I'm up for reconcilliation with her at some point, and I wasn't exactly blameless in the break up either. We both had our faults. You know me too well already. I think you're pretty spot on with that to be honest. I feel like I should ask how she is? I should point out this came through about midday and I still haven't replied. I don't want her to think I'm over thinking, or is that in itsself over thinking? Link to comment
flatplane Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Yup---- overthinking. She is with another. Leave it alone, hold your head up high and smile.....think "no worries" Don't get me wrong I will certainly be holding my head up high. She said they're "spending time together", no idea what that means and it's not really my business, but surely just not replying would be seen as a little juvenile? I appreciate the advice, just interested in the thinking behind it. I understand this is probably a trying to make me jeasous/ego boost, or guilt/remorse based message.......to be honest I'm erring on the side of guilt/remorse based on what I know about her. Link to comment
flatplane Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Just sent one basically saying what mhowe said. Got a reply basically saying she's happy to stay in touch. Trying to keep me on the back burner or friend zone me I think..... Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Just sent one basically saying what mhowe said. Got a reply basically saying she's happy to stay in touch. Trying to keep me on the back burner or friend zone me I think..... Sorry --- work intervened. Replying/not replying --- seeming rud or juvenile. Nope. That is you overthinking. You are not together. You owe her nothing. She broke up w/ you -- she no longer gets to "expect" a response. So, if you want -- and you do --- "no worries." That is all that needs to be said. Just signed back in --- so --- yes, she is trying to put you on the back burner. That is your choice, not hers. Link to comment
flatplane Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Sorry --- work intervened. Replying/not replying --- seeming rud or juvenile. Nope. That is you overthinking. You are not together. You owe her nothing. She broke up w/ you -- she no longer gets to "expect" a response. So, if you want -- and you do --- "no worries." That is all that needs to be said. Just signed back in --- so --- yes, she is trying to put you on the back burner. That is your choice, not hers. Working at this time? And fair, I don't want to go on the back burner (obviously). I'll probably just put, I don't know if that's possible, you know how to reach me.... Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Working at this time? And fair, I don't want to go on the back burner (obviously). I'll probably just put, I don't know if that's possible, you know how to reach me.... I live in USA. Stop contacting. Her email needs no response. You do not want to be BACK BURNER GUY. You do not deserve to be 2nd best. Move on, she knows how to reach you --- and if she didn't, she's a big girl and could figure it out if she wanted. Stop coming up w/ excuses to maintain contact. Link to comment
flatplane Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Aha, makes sense. And fair, I need to give myself a mental slapping. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Aha, makes sense. And fair, I need to give myself a mental slapping. I live for those AHA moments. Don't hit yourself too hard --- just go out and enjoy your life. That will make her think 2x!!!!! Link to comment
dumPI Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 RIght, background info can be found: she wants to do the decent thing, see how I am, and explain that she's seeing another bloke now, and how she wanted to tell me herself, but she expects I've already heard. She said it's all gone so quickly since I went out of the country for a few days in the middle of the month. And how she doesn't want it to be awkward between us at work. When the excuses are lame, there is always someone else. You discovered it now! Congratulations. And regarding what she wants ... I quoted your words: ease guilt, ease situation at work. That means: I don't give a damn about you but make the situation comfortable at work for me. Solution: NC, don't answer anything. By the way, how come you have her on FB?! Link to comment
flatplane Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 When the excuses are lame, there is always someone else. You discovered it now! Congratulations. And regarding what she wants ... I quoted your words: ease guilt, ease situation at work. That means: I don't give a damn about you but make the situation comfortable at work for me. Solution: NC, don't answer anything. By the way, how come you have her on FB?! Because if I remove her from FB that'll make me look like a right child. Been together for 7 years and known each other for 8. Link to comment
CMS Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Because if I remove her from FB that'll make me look like a right child. Been together for 7 years and known each other for 8. The answer is, who cares? do whats right for yourself. If looking at her profile will add to your heartache then cut the said profile loose, who cares about what she thinks, you do not owe her anything. Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 been there, done that. just out of a 6 year relationship where I am 99% certain there was another guy invovled for the last 3 months. Cut and run....go NC completely and let her live her life without you in it, and to lie in the bed that she has made....if she has a change of heart, she will let nothing stop her from getting in touch with you. Dont do what i have made the mistake of doing for the last 8 weeks....don't over think and get outta her head !! This is about YOU now...not her. Use your time wisely and reflect back on the relationship to insure you take the steps to correct any behaviors that may negatively impact your future realtionships. When you replace emotions with logic....the fog will be lifted. Link to comment
Aqua066 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I think you're pretty spot on with that to be honest. I feel like I should ask how she is? I should point out this came through about midday and I still haven't replied. I don't want her to think I'm over thinking, or is that in itsself over thinking? Your need to keep communication going with this girl is gonna be the end of you! Silence says more than anything clever your gonna say. GO NC, heal and get some self respect back. Link to comment
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