Fudgie Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 It's not so much the age. I would not date a man that had 3 children by 3 different mothers. That's just me. The age and the 3 different fathers thing strike me as irresponsible. 1.) Back then, you could work right out of high school, so you could make a living right away. Can't that anymore, you need SOME form of schooling or certification. I see having kids at 18 as irresponsible unless you were making decent money and living on your own - both of which I can almost promise that she wasn't doing. 2.) 3 different children by 3 different fathers? Good gravy. We all make bad relationship choices but it really says something about a woman who has a history of having children with wrong men. It makes me think that she doesn't think things through that much or doesn't have good decision-making skills. Your choice OP but I don't see it as a good thing here. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 no actually her daughter is the only one that is from bc failure. Her sons' fathers aren't normal people. Actually I think her daughter is the reason she's independent... That's not her choice just what people did to her. And I don't really blame her for that Unless she was raped, she had a choice to get pregnant by this abnormal, abusive men, despite her being in bad relationships..not just once but a FEW times. She didn't magically become pregnant...again, it was her choice. Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 that's what I saying... Without sounding crass Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 The age and the 3 different fathers thing strike me as irresponsible. 1.) Back then, you could work right out of high school, so you could make a living right away. Can't that anymore, you need SOME form of schooling or certification. I see having kids at 18 as irresponsible unless you were making decent money and living on your own - both of which I can almost promise that she wasn't doing. 2.) 3 different children by 3 different fathers? Good gravy. We all make bad relationship choices but it really says something about a woman who has a history of having children with wrong men. It makes me think that she doesn't think things through that much or doesn't have good decision-making skills. Your choice OP but I don't see it as a good thing here. She was abused what else did you think that meant? That they beat her up? What would that have to do with anything. When you're minor you don't have as much control as what she was when she first got pregnant. Her ex can not even get custody because of what he did. And her YDS's SD she's always seemed like he was a whole bad can of worms set alone. I know she had a past of prostitution and abuse. Therefore that's not her fault. With her daughter's father he's well off she's not poor so yea she provides well even despite everything I think she's a strong woman. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 And her YDS's SD she's always seemed like he was a whole bad can of worms set alone. I know she had a past of prostitution and abuse. Therefore that's not her fault. With her daughter's father he's well off she's not poor so yea she provides well even despite everything I think she's a strong woman. I'm not considering her first child. Accident or no, she had another child by 18/19 and then made the conscious decision to have another one with another bf. I don't think I would want to date someone like that because you may be the next baby's father. But that's just me. And I find it interesting that (at least) one of her kids' fathers is well off. Is that the planned child? Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 she didn't I already said her sons were from people who really didn't give her a choice. She's actually I can tell she has issues with trust because of it. We're taking ti very slow like friends... Her daughter's father was the only one she still has a relationship with. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 she didn't I already said her sons were from people who really didn't give her a choice. She's actually I can tell she has issues with trust because of it. We're taking ti very slow like friends... Her daughter's father was the only one she still has a relationship with. So you are saying she was raped twice and had kids in both circumstances and then an accident? Well, I am normally willing to believe people, but I hold a healthy level of skepticism. Anyway, it's your life, but I think most of the folks on this thread would steer clear. Link to comment
figur Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 With such a history of abuse and exploitation, has she gone through counseling? She's already taking steps to better her life with education, but she also needs to be salvaging her mental health. I think that would be a more clear indicator if she is stable or not and ready for a relationship. People have pasts, and I agree she doesn't seem to have had much choice...to a point. Being a victim of abuse is one thing, but you cannot let it then control your adult life forever. She does deserve a chance at a healthy relationship, but it is up to her now to take those first steps on it being healthy, by choosing the right men and circumstances. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 She was abused what else did you think that meant? That they beat her up? What would that have to do with anything. When you're minor you don't have as much control as what she was when she first got pregnant. Her ex can not even get custody because of what he did. And her YDS's SD she's always seemed like he was a whole bad can of worms set alone. I know she had a past of prostitution and abuse. Therefore that's not her fault. With her daughter's father he's well off she's not poor so yea she provides well even despite everything I think she's a strong woman. She made a choice to have more children though, after she was 18+. She could have had an abortion or gave the child up for adoption - or perhaps she should have been more careful with BC in the first place. She's a big girl - she should know how to use BC. Definitely screams irresponsible, yes. Just because a woman chooses to have a bunch of kids when she's in bad relationship doesn't mean that she's strong, but that's my opinion. Just because she was abused doesn't make it right. My boyfriend was abused and you don't see him running out having a bunch of kids at a young age. My advice? If you're not going to leave her (which I think you should), I hope you're using your OWN condoms. She may poke holes in condoms so she can get pregnant and "seal the deal" with you. Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 I'm actually happy she's not as low as a murderer.. We're both pro-life. That makes her stronger. And yea she was planning to place for adoption... But her daughter's father stepped in and she didn't place for adoption.. How is she using bc for people who force her against her will.... You blame the abused not the abuser. You're a rapist sympathizer imo. Or that's what you sound like fudgie. Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 With such a history of abuse and exploitation, has she gone through counseling? She's already taking steps to better her life with education, but she also needs to be salvaging her mental health. I think that would be a more clear indicator if she is stable or not and ready for a relationship. People have pasts, and I agree she doesn't seem to have had much choice...to a point. Being a victim of abuse is one thing, but you cannot let it then control your adult life forever. She does deserve a chance at a healthy relationship, but it is up to her now to take those first steps on it being healthy, by choosing the right men and circumstances. she was abused when she was 18 not as an adult... She's been in therapy actually group therapy. That's how we actually met sorta... Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I'm actually happy she's not as low as a murderer.. We're both pro-life. That makes her stronger. And yea she was planning to place for adoption... But her daughter's father stepped in and she didn't place for adoption.. How is she using bc for people who force her against her will.... You blame the abused not the abuser. You're a rapist sympathizer imo. Or that's what you sound like fudgie. This post is going to gain you mucho enemies. Calling people murderers and rapist sympathizers. Her duaghters father stepped in and told her she couldn't put the baby up for adoption, that instead she needs to keep it and maintain custody herself? And you say she's strong? So you really think she was raped twice and that's where 2 kids came from? What are the odds? Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 So you are saying she was raped twice and had kids in both circumstances and then an accident? Well, I am normally willing to believe people, but I hold a healthy level of skepticism. Anyway, it's your life, but I think most of the folks on this thread would steer clear. yea ever heard of forced of forced prostitution and also child abuse tends to repeat itself. 18 year olds are sometimes minors matters on the state/province laws... Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 This post is going to gain you mucho enemies. Calling people murderers and rapist sympathizers. Her duaghters father stepped in and told her she couldn't put the baby up for adoption, that instead she needs to keep it and maintain custody herself? And you say she's strong? So you really think she was raped twice and that's where 2 kids came from? What are the odds? well I never called anyone a murderer. I said she wasn't a murderer. And yes we both think abortion is murder. Many people do so what And yes if she's going to say a victim should use bc then she is a rape sympathizer... And no her daughter's father and she lived together before she got pregnant with his so she could manage... And yeah child abuse tends to repeat itself... Not that so surprising if you understand how it works... Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 well I never called anyone a murderer. I said she wasn't a murderer. And yes we both think abortion is murder. Many people do so what And yes if she's going to say a victim should use bc then she is a rape sympathizer... And no her daughter's father and she lived together before she got pregnant with his so she could manage... And yeah child abuse tends to repeat itself... Not that so surprising if you understand how it works... Whoa - good luck dude. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I think what the people here are trying to say is that being a teenage/young adult she has a certain responsiblity to protect herself against pregnancies whether planned or unplanned especially since you said she had been involved in prostitution. If you like her, then you like her but from what you know of her past I suggest you tread slowly. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by just taking your time with her and if she is such a great mom she will respect the fact that you want to tread slowly. Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 she didn't chose to be a prostitute. She was forced so I don't think that's her fault... Sounds twisted to blame a victim and not the rapist... Do you understand people are forced into that type of stuff. Also she wasn't an adult she was a minor... and thank pls gl to ya Link to comment
metrogirl Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 she didn't chose to be a prostitute. She was forced so I don't think that's her fault... Sounds twisted to blame a victim and not the rapist... Do you understand people are forced into that type of stuff. Also she wasn't an adult she was a minor... and thank pls gl to ya I'm not blaming anyone. There are teenage girls on bc and their parents likely don't have a clue. If a girl doesn't want to end up pregnant, they take a pill or get some other form of bc. I'm not saying she is a bad person, I'm not saying she isn't worthy of love all I am saying is move slowly with her. If what you say is true, she has endured a lot of horrific abuse and probably doesn't have the skills to be in a loving partnership at the moment. Nothing against you or her, just go slow with her. Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 no rape victim should be blamed for not taking bc. You sound ignorant to me to not understand the circumstances. If one could get bc I'd think that person could leave their abuser which probably wasn't likely for her. I guess I'm just more compassionate... Than one who has no understanding of what rape is apparently... But yea I am going slow for both of our sakes. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 no rape victim should be blamed for not taking bc. You sound ignorant to me to not understand the circumstances. If one could get bc I'd think that person could leave their abuser which probably wasn't likely for her. I guess I'm just more compassionate... Than one who has no understanding of what rape is apparently... But yea I am going slow for both of our sakes. Tsk tsk.....that wasn't very nice. I haven't said one bad thing on here and in fact I have been nothing but nice. I even agreed that if you like her, then by all means give the girl a go but be careful so you aren't coming back here broken hearted because clearly you are smitten with her or you are just here to argue but I don't think that is the case is it? Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 no I wasn't being mean I actually saw what you said as mean. I just don't know if I have what it takes plus I was curious if others did the same how did it go.... Link to comment
metrogirl Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 no I wasn't being mean I actually saw what you said as mean. I just don't know if I have what it takes plus I was curious if others did the same how did it go.... Well let's talk about her a bit, maybe we can figure it out. How did you guys meet? I know you said it was like a group therapy session? What was it about her that caught your attention? Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Your head is stuck in the clouds and you are taking what everyone is saying as an 'attack' against this woman when you ASKED what everyone's opinions are about it. You can't ask for an opinion and then attack everyone who doesn't agree with you. If this woman was raped or forced into prostitution (I'm honestly not sure at this point WHAT she was forced to do because your only giving snid bits of detail) then you need to look at that fact. if twice she got into a abusive relationship with 2 SEPARATE men, that's a pattern. Now we all know the cycle of abuse and how it's hard to be broken but... something just isn't adding up. That or we all are getting confused by your details. To answer your OP I, as a woman, would not date a man who had 3 kids by 3 SEPARATE fathers. Even given the facts surrounding the kids who apparently were concieved in abuse. Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 no I said she got pregnant by people who were abusive not that she was in a relationship with them. Well I wasn't attacking anyone's opinion just the bc comment is over the top ignorant and won't stand for that... Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 Well let's talk about her a bit, maybe we can figure it out. How did you guys meet? I know you said it was like a group therapy session? What was it about her that caught your attention? Well at work she's not like the average girl I've met our personalities stick like magnets Link to comment
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