racecarlove11 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Well I'm highly attracted and feel like this girl is someone I could have a long term relationship with. She has 2 sons and a daughter ages 6 to 8. They are really great kids plus they aren't that little so most of the time they're in school. She's 26. I know she hit hard times and her eldest was from an abusive ex. I like her though she's everything I wanted. She's a very independent woman. She works hard and she's furthering her education. She's a great mother as much as great friend and lover. I love her for everything she is. She's everything I wanted in a woman... I always wanted kids and I have gotten to around that age where I guess it's ok because I like her a lot. I have never dated a woman with kids though ever... It just never has happened... What's your opinion on dating women with kid(s)? Link to comment
Mashed Potato Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 HI racecarlove11, How old are you? My partner has a child, and we have a child together (2 in total) It's tough, and I'm close to forty. For me, it is not something i would have entered into at a younger age. MP Link to comment
SarahRose Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 How long have you been seeing her and why are you asking the question now? Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Went on my second date... And I'm 28... Link to comment
SarahRose Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Ok thanks, I'm not sure how you know she is the one when you barely just met. You really know nothing about her. She has had 3 kids by the age of 20 so that is pretty irresponsible. It is one thing having an accident as a teen but 3 times isn't an accident. She does know how to use birth control and I hope you are using it too. If you want any children of your own, then that would make 4 and 5. How many fathers are there and are any of them involved with the kids? Link to comment
SarahRose Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I'm not trying to be crass but have you had sex with her? Link to comment
Mashed Potato Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Hi RC, All I can really say is that whilst you may like her a lot, taking on three children is a very large responsibility. This scenario really means that the children should come first. You are by default taking responsibility for them and their upbringing and everything associated with that in the future. The gloss of a new romance can very quickly wear off into reality and then the real people that can be hurt by the relationship breakdown are the children. My advice is to take a step back and see the whole picture of this scenario. It is OK, and NOT selfish to decide not to proceed with a relationship with someone because they have kids. So before the lady and before yourself, you need to place the thoughts of the kids first in this situation. You need to be completely honest with yourself about the prospect of forever with her children. Also be brutally honest and reflect about your own personality type. If you are a "rescuer/saviour/pitier" type then I would suggest you leave this alone. If you decide to proceed, then be prepared for years and years and years of absolute self compromise. MP Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 I think they all have different dads. But the first was due to abuse so obviously it's not her fault. She's not a * * * * * ... Her daughter's father is actually involved Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 In these type of scenarios, I say go with your gut. If it feels right then go for it! Me personally I wouldn't date her because it does show she's irresponsible though I commend her for working hard trying to better herself and taking care of her children. That's not easy. I think though dating someone with that much responsibility is not worth it. Link to comment
happyfrank Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Hi Rc. Take it slow. Don't jump into relationship with her until you really know her. Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Don't mean to be rational, but i would prefer someone who didn't have kids, especially if i don't have any of my own. You are 28 which usually means you have to narrow down your options a bit. No offense to being 28, i'm dating a 28 year old. I've noticed from family members friends etc, the older they become, their preferences change. If you feel like she's worth everything your going to go through w/ her kids & BD drama,if she has it, go for it. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 When did it become irresponsible to have kids when you're 18? 18 year olds fight our wars you know. OP says she's a great mother. I just don't see any irresponsibility here at all. It might not be the conventional path right now, but if she's a good mom like OP says it's not irresponsible. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Well, just be a bit careful with the birth control.. she had 2 kids from 2 different fathers by the age of 20... some women will have their kids early, and not necessarily feel the need to marry, then you end up paying child support for kids you don't see much if she decides to break up. She may have fantastic character and not try to 'accidentally' get pregnant with another kid, but i'd be cautious until you know her better and are sure you trust her. Also, don't get too close to the kids until you are sure the relationship is a keeper because it is so hard to lose them if she breaks up with you. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 When did it become irresponsible to have kids when you're 18? 18 year olds fight our wars you know. OP says she's a great mother. I just don't see any irresponsibility here at all. It might not be the conventional path right now, but if she's a good mom like OP says it's not irresponsible. It's not so much the age. I would not date a man that had 3 children by 3 different mothers. That's just me. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 It's not so much the age. I would not date a man that had 3 children by 3 different mothers. That's just me. I agree with this. Also, I would give more thought to "her being everything you've wanted," since you've only been on two dates at this point. Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 we've actually known each other a year she doesn't usually date especially people she doesn't know... Like I said I think only her daughter was unplanned. The first weren't her fault... More because of bad things people did to her she's hit hard times and managed well.... Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Well, just be a bit careful with the birth control.. she had 2 kids from 2 different fathers by the age of 20... some women will have their kids early, and not necessarily feel the need to marry, then you end up paying child support for kids you don't see much if she decides to break up. She may have fantastic character and not try to 'accidentally' get pregnant with another kid, but i'd be cautious until you know her better and are sure you trust her. Also, don't get too close to the kids until you are sure the relationship is a keeper because it is so hard to lose them if she breaks up with you. she only had one unplanned pregnancy by her own fault which was a failure of the bc. She believes in bc so I think it's ok.... Don't mean to be rational, but i would prefer someone who didn't have kids, especially if i don't have any of my own. You are 28 which usually means you have to narrow down your options a bit. No offense to being 28, i'm dating a 28 year old. I've noticed from family members friends etc, the older they become, their preferences change. If you feel like she's worth everything your going to go through w/ her kids & BD drama,if she has it, go for it. I've known her for a year and her sons' fathers aren't really involved... I don't think she'd ever want that... Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I've known her for a year and her sons' fathers aren't really involved... I don't think she'd ever want that... It's not about her wanting the drama, it just happens, these kids are those fathers responsibility for the next 18 years. custody disagreements are bound to happen. so you might be all in the mix yourself. If you date a someone w/ kids its as if your dating their kids as well. You can't just have her alone. Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 if they have to with abusing her and all I don't think so... Link to comment
Stay_home Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 You have to make the call as far as if this is something you see yourself being able to handle. Personally, I wouldn't. I understand she's hardworking, educated, driven and all of that but I feel like that isn't really anything special because she should already be on her 'A' game especially with three kids. I'm 28 too and I think one child I probably could do, but three is pushing it. But again, I'm 28. Now I'm when 38 or 48 then I might be a little more flexible. Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 All 3 fathers abused her? Link to comment
SarahRose Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I don't think you are going to listen to anyone here as you are smitten already but I would take this really slow including the sex. You mentioned she was a good lover so that makes me think she already let you have sex with her by the 2nd date. There are just red flags all over here. Having 3 children by 3 different guys by age of 20 is careless and irresponsible. Sleeping with someone so quickly is impulsive. She may have some mental illness you don't know about like bi polar. I wouldn't trust her to use the birth control and if you are sleeping with her always use protection yourself or you will be baby daddy number 4. I won't say any more. Good luck Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 Yeah she's very sensitive she'd never be that fast to have sex. Also she was abused... So blaming her seems ignorant to me.. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Yeah she's very sensitive she'd never be that fast to have sex. Also she was abused... So blaming her seems ignorant to me.. I think you need to recognize that at least two of her kids were planned and she wasn't married. I don't think I would feel comfortable dating someone who made those kinds of choices. But you have to do what feels right to you. Link to comment
racecarlove11 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 no actually her daughter is the only one that is from bc failure. Her sons' fathers aren't normal people. Actually I think her daughter is the reason she's independent... That's not her choice just what people did to her. And I don't really blame her for that Link to comment
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