Inter-faith relationships???

[hrtlsngl7]

During the Super-bowl I had a spat w/ my sister regarding religion. She brought up the topic of a potential mate being of a different religion than me and what steps would I take if said theoretical relationship yielded children and which religion would the children follow? I had a 5 year inter-faith relationship, but our "faiths" was a non-issue w/ us likely because we were both easy going people.

 

My questions are:

 

1.Would you date someone of another faith?

 

2.What advice/experience have you had dating/marrying someone of another faith?

 

3.Would you/have you converted to your spouses religion or did you maintain your religious beliefs independent of eachother?

 

4.Who decides the religion of the children?

 

This is an issue for me because I follow a non-mainstream religion.

[Raaawr]

During the Super-bowl I had a spat w/ my sister regarding religion. She brought up the topic of a potential mate being of a different religion than me and what steps would I take if said theoretical relationship yielded children and which religion would the children follow? I had a 5 year inter-faith relationship, but our "faiths" was a non-issue w/ us likely because we were both easy going people.

I tried something with a religious girl a month ago, it flopped badly and very quickly.

 

My questions are:

 

1.Would you date someone of another faith?

No. I am an atheist and think religion is a ridiculous waste of human resources once you reach adulthood (no offence to anyone, your beliefs are your own). I will not be serious with anyone who practices religion regularly. I dont mind someone who believes but I cant be with someone who is dedicated to it.

 

2.What advice/experience have you had dating/marrying someone of another faith?

Dated a girl who was really into religion. It ended quickly.

 

3.Would you/have you converted to your spouses religion or did you maintain your religious beliefs independent of eachother?

Id never follow something I dont believe in.

 

4.Who decides the religion of the children?

Here is the interesting part. I would encourage my children to be raised with the possibility of being religious, I wouldnt object and tell them its nonsense I would encourage them to explore it and form their own opinions as they grew older. There are some valuable lessons in religion when growing up.

 

This is an issue for me because I follow a non-mainstream religion.

Personally, my opinion, if I was in your situation where I am part of a minority of religions I would encourage my kids to be part of the more mainstream one, to help them in their society, but still teach them about your own faith. That way they can reach an age where they can decide what they want to follow.

[Mashed Potato]

Im agnostic,

 

My Partner had a child and my child now follows her religion.

IMHO if you squeeze a living human being out of yourself, then you (the woman) have the right to choose for your child to follow your religion.

 

Then when they are old enough to understand its really an archaich system of controlling people and money then they can decide for themselves!

MP

[FathomFear]

4.Who decides the religion of the children?

 

Hm, well, ideally the child would decide that IMO. I've never understood why people gain satisfaction in dictating how children grow in that regard. But that's just me.

[Seraphim]

My mother-in-law is religious and my father-in-law is not. They decided to raise their children with faith but that my mother-in-law would do all that. He does not bother her about her faith and she does not bother him about the fact he does not have one. They have been married for 53 years and I have not seen it affect their relationship. They also raised two children together.

[Huntress0527]

My questions are:

 

1.Would you date someone of another faith? It would have to be someone of the Christian faith but no necessarily my denomination.

 

2.What advice/experience have you had dating/marrying someone of another faith? Didn't turn out well.

 

3.Would you/have you converted to your spouses religion or did you maintain your religious beliefs independent of eachother? No I wouldn't convert my spouse but I also married someone of the same faith so it worked out!

 

4.Who decides the religion of the children? Usually it's the mother but when they grow up they can decide for themselves. My mom always said well I took you to church til 16 so I did my part so now it's up to you.

[Liraele]

 

My questions are:

 

1.Would you date someone of another faith?

 

Yes, though they would have to also be open-minded and accepting of the fact that we are different, and it couldn't always be a point of contention. I used to actually have in my profile on a dating site that religious hard-liners and I would not get along because I was getting a bunch of messages from some uber-conservatives.

 

2.What advice/experience have you had dating/marrying someone of another faith?

 

Learning about your partner's chosen path is important if religion is important to both of you. You will need to find a middle ground or neutral ground where you can discuss/question/explain things as they come up, and I think both partners need to be open about their expectations of the role of religion in each of their lives.

 

3.Would you/have you converted to your spouses religion or did you maintain your religious beliefs independent of each other?

 

Unless I change drastically, I don't foresee myself converting for anyone, nor would I expect anyone to do so for me. My girls' dad is a pagan, and I consider myself an agnostic. We had a nice middle ground between things, and it worked for us - but those aren't vastly differing areas necessarily, either.

 

I don't really take people's faith into consideration when choosing friends or partners... the only time it becomes an issue is when someone is constantly trying to convert me, telling me I'm going to hell, or tries to preach at my children. I do trend toward agnostics/atheists/pagans/pastafarians (haha, some people might actually get that... it's really just a joke) though.

 

4.Who decides the religion of the children?

 

The children. I am raising mine to respect all faiths, and am focusing more on instilling good moral and ethical values in them separate of any religion, than on teaching them religious dogma and ingraining in them that they are of x faith or of no faith at all. If they choose to follow a specific path in the future that is different from my own, at an age that it is appropriate to begin doing so of their own volition, I will fully support that so long as it is not detrimental to their mental/emotional/physical well-being.

[BrianH46]

My mother is Catholic and my father is Buddhist, and I was raised Catholic however my schooling and experiences shaped my faith of God to be different then my mother's. All the girls I had ever dated were of different faiths then me some extremely religious some moderate and a few atheist. Religion never became an issue with any of the girls because all of the girls I chose were extremely open minded to other cultures and beliefs.

 

If I had ended up marrying any of them I'd probably let the mother decide what faith to raise the kids in, in my eyes it doesn't really matter as long as you aren't over bearing they will choose what they want to believe in eventually. If the mother was atheist I'd probably raise them Catholic myself.

[Seraphim]

I was raised with no religion despite my mother being raised very devoutly Catholic, as in she was taken to Mass 3 times a day. My father was raised Anglican. He converted to Catholicism to marry my mother otherwise my grandmother would not have allowed the marriage. I was not raised with religion. I married a Catholic. We share the Catholic faith and raise our son in the same faith. Our son very much enjoys his faith and regularly WANTS to attend Mass. I don't think I would "force" him to attend. You can not force anyone to believe anything. He really does enjoy his faith though.

[pl3asehelp]

I would date someone of any faith provided they did not expect me to participate in it or to believe in hocus pocus magic like parting seas and turning water into wine. I'm agnostic, so most people I've dated have been of other faiths, but they have all been pretty much what I would call 'straw men' in that though they claimed to be religious, I never saw them live their life any differently than I do - no regular worship or anything, no effort, etc. I would never want to convince someone to believe in what I believe in unless they had made that decision for themself. My wife is 'technically' catholic I guess and my kids go to a Christian pre-school - doesn't bother me at all - everyone at school is really nice and doesn't push anything on me at all.

[Jim Wormold]

I find it amusing reading how agnostics imagine christians can just leave others be.

 

We are idealists, we believe the best in others. Or we just havent had that many

experiences with christians.

 

Well, I have.

 

And yes, it would be a no-no for me. Because at he end of the day they, like any other religion,

believe there is only one right way. No other. And that dear folks is where the discussion ends.

 

I grew up in a fanatical christian household. My parents liked to listen to American-style preachers

wagging their fingers around, shouting heaven and hell over their mics in expensive suits.

 

And talking love. Haha...its all about violence, but in a subtle or verbal way.

 

So that is why my family is so messed up. They cannot even talk to each other nicely.

 

Like my recent family experience where I had to be subjected to a stern talk regarding my

"relationship to god" and whether my "therapy is with or without god."

 

That brother-in-law proceeded to bully and walk all over me because he felt he had the right,

seeing as how he made more money than I and he had paid for my flight ticket. Power games.

The fact that I am an artist didnt help me not seeming more strange to his dull empty, boorish

understanding of the world.

 

Oh yes, then they made a few cruel jokes about my finances. Later I get back to Europe to find

my father ignoring the 30 year old wishes of his agnostic/atheist family abroad (the ones I joined in my great escape)

by sending them more material. I saw the anger and frustration in their eyes.

 

A christian girlfriend???! Right.

 

Even if she is seemingly "ok" at first (...it all comes out later), watch out for her family.

[hrtlsngl7]

So many views, so little responses. From the responses it seems:

1: Aethiest/Agnostics seem to be okay w/ "inter-religious" dating as long as they aren't made to convert.

 

2 answered 2 in my question. Faith has very little bearing on who I date for myself, except when I encounter hard-liner bible-thumpers (usually christian women). Why are the hot ones the most religious??? It usually pan out w/ the

 

3 not likely to convert. I'm a former Aetheist and I converted to Buddhism for personal reasons. This question popped up because a man in my temple was a presbyterian deacon. I asked him why he converted to Buddhism. He said it was because of a "Hot blonde" *SIGH*. I'm wondering if religion is really just about booty.

 

4 seems, according to the responses that the woman decides the religion of the kids. I wonder why. Is it laziness on the man's part? Does the woman have nothing better to do?

[Angler]

I am an atheist, and I will only date atheists. If I were religious, I would presumably want to date only girls of the same or similar beliefs.

 

There are enough big things in life to worry about, without adding in disagreements over fairy tales.

[pl3asehelp]

Well as an agnostic, I've actually found the majority of so-called christians I've dated have always totally left me be. I don't see that they actually cared about their faith at all (didn't attend church or did so only on holidays, didn't live according to any morals espoused in the bible etc), it was most just a label they used for themselves. Seemed to be true for their families as well. I always got the feeling that they were always doing it to please their parents, and those parents did it to please their parents, ad nauseum with nobody actually doing it because they actually believed in it or planned to walk the walk.

[On the Brink]

I'm Christian although not fanatical about it (I don't believe in Hell for example). I'm totally ok with dating non-Christians as long as they're ok with me believing what I do. In fact every single woman I've ever dated was non-Christian (most were Muslim).

 

I wouldn't convert for anyone and I wouldn't require them to convert. I would be ok with my kids being raised open to any and all beliefs.

[Blue Spiral]

I'm also agnostic, and all the women I've been involved with have been religious on some level. Most aren't very serious about it, though, so it hasn't been a big deal. I think it's more cultural conformity than anything--as a preacher's kid, I knew more about religion than they did.

[Generation]

1.Would you date someone of another faith?

Yeah.

 

2.What advice/experience have you had dating/marrying someone of another faith?

I'm mixed so my parents have two different faiths. I follow my mom's. My dad is very controlling and very religious. He's also very closed minded and believes in his religion to be the right one. It's tough.

 

3.Would you/have you converted to your spouses religion or did you maintain your religious beliefs independent of eachother?

I believe in independence. I'm not really that religious.

 

4.Who decides the religion of the children?

In my case, both my parents tried. But my father is so intolerable. I made the choice for me.

 

[Fudgie]

I am an atheist, and I will only date atheists. If I were religious, I would presumably want to date only girls of the same or similar beliefs.

 

There are enough big things in life to worry about, without adding in disagreements over fairy tales.

 

I agree with this. I don't want to date anyone...Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc....that has any sort of religion or faith. I am an atheist. Why would I WANT to date someone with religious beliefs? It seems like trouble to me.

 

I have dated Christians and I really disliked it. They were "cultural" Christians too. It creeped me out.

[hrtlsngl7]

I am an atheist, and I will only date atheists. If I were religious, I would presumably want to date only girls of the same or similar beliefs.

 

There are enough big things in life to worry about, without adding in disagreements over fairy tales.

 

I agree w/ what you're saying but to find an Atheist girl is a needle in a haystack sort of thing. You're very likely going to run into a mate of another faith, which prompted me to ask these questions.

[hrtlsngl7]

Well as an agnostic, I've actually found the majority of so-called christians I've dated have always totally left me be. I don't see that they actually cared about their faith at all (didn't attend church or did so only on holidays, didn't live according to any morals espoused in the bible etc), it was most just a label they used for themselves. Seemed to be true for their families as well. I always got the feeling that they were always doing it to please their parents, and those parents did it to please their parents, ad nauseum with nobody actually doing it because they actually believed in it or planned to walk the walk.

 

So true. I look at religion as brain-washing. Catholicism clergy has a saying, "If we get them while they're young, we got them 4 life". They want to program the thought right out of the young so that they don't think to question what they've been taught.

[hrtlsngl7]

I agree with this. I don't want to date anyone...Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc....that has any sort of religion or faith. I am an atheist. Why would I WANT to date someone with religious beliefs? It seems like trouble to me.

 

I have dated Christians and I really disliked it. They were "cultural" Christians too. It creeped me out.

 

Hey Fudgie, would you date a Buddhist ;D

[Fudgie]

Hey Fudgie, would you date a Buddhist ;D

 

Actually, that's the one that gives me pause. I practiced Buddhism for a number of years after I got to leave the church and eventually stopped practicing once my beliefs changed as I studied more science. I know some people who, like other religious people, are really into the tradition of it to the point I think it hinders their happiness and makes them OCD...but most Buddhists I've interacted with are not that bad.

 

Oye, exceptions. I'd probably be okay with dating a Buddhist though, but not a monk. I still meditate, so we'd have that in common. Our values and views on the world would probably be quite similar, aside from souls/reincarnation.

 

Lol, I feel like a bit of a hypocrite but I can't lie....Atheist/agnostic/Buddhist would be fine with me.

[hrtlsngl7]

Actually, that's the one that gives me pause. I practiced Buddhism for a number of years after I got to leave the church and eventually stopped practicing once my beliefs changed as I studied more science. I know some people who, like other religious people, are really into the tradition of it to the point I think it hinders their happiness and makes them OCD...but most Buddhists I've interacted with are not that bad.

 

Oye, exceptions. I'd probably be okay with dating a Buddhist though, but not a monk. I still meditate, so we'd have that in common. Our values and views on the world would probably be quite similar, aside from souls/reincarnation.

 

 

 

Lol, I feel like a bit of a hypocrite but I can't lie....Atheist/agnostic/Buddhist would be fine with me.

 

LOLZ so I got a chance?!?! Awesome Fudgie!!! (I kid) Yeah, MOST flavors of Buddhism isn't theistic. That's why I like it. Mine's is S.G.I./Nichiren Buddhism.

[Day_Walker]

1. Yes

 

2. Faith is something personal to a person, just recognize that

 

3. I would not ask a partner or spouse to convert. their religion or lack of it is their own personal choice

 

4. Ideally both parents would have a say so but it is the child's choice. My position would be to not expose them and let them decide.

[itsallgrand]

For me, it really depends on the beliefs and the person.

 

Yes, I've been in a longer term serious relationship with someone who had religious beliefs very different than my own. There were no problems with that because we shared the same values. However, in dating I have found that most often the issue with having differences can be the difference in values. On my dating profile now it states that I am non-religious (true) and it always makes me wonder why do these conservative-religious guys keep asking me on dates when it is them who have an issue with my not following a religion? See, that won't work. We have to share values and be able to talk about these things as though they are differing philosophies, not hard-line truths about life.

 

How would the children have been raised? There would have been no regular church going, association meetings, nothing like that. He/she would have had the opportunity to be exposed to different people and beliefs: and not just our own either. Another thing we agreed upon, and that would be how I would like to do it.

 

I was raised in a Catholic environment, went through all the hoops. My father was religious, my mother not. But since they essentially shared the same values, it was more a matter of the outside than the inside. It didn't cause troubles in our family. We could talk about these things and no one had to be wrong.

 

I do know of old friends who married a guy, and converted to do so. They left their entire backgrounds and communities behind. Because that was the price of entrance into marriage with the person they wanted to be with. ME, I'd never ever do that. But some people are okay with that, even embrace it. The children are raised according to the fathers religion, which is also now my old friends.