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Liked a guy, now like his friend, complicated and feeling guilty


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So up until about a month ago, I was crushing very hard on this guy in one of my classes. Very hard. It was mostly in a physical sense, as I did not ever get to know him very well. It turned out that he had a girlfriend but I was still extremely attracted to him. But I thought hey I'll get over it, happens all the time.


Where it gets complicated is here: I also started liking his best friend, purely in a physical sense too at first. We all have mutual friends. It was not quite as much an attraction as with the first guy, but it was definitely there despite this. This guy made a move on me, I reciprocated.


I didn't have time to properly 'get over' my silly crush with guy 1, and I don't think it will subside any time soon because of the fact that I was so so attracted to him. This is where the guilt is kicking in. I feel I have more of an emotional connection with guy 2 who is "courting" me now because we have gotten to know each other and our personalities go together well, but I am still extremely physically attracted to guy 1. I am worried that if I do end up with guy 2, I may start to like guy 1 more (because they are friends and I will inevitably see more of him) and I may start to like him as a person. I know he has a girlfriend so nothing would happen but it is these feelings of guilt that I cannot deal with. It gets more complicated because guy 1 has mentioned on more than one occasion that he finds me attractive.


The guy that likes me (and he likes me so so much) is right for me in so many ways but I feel that the attraction for his friend is constantly going to make me feel guilty and get in the way of things. I hate this feeling and I want it to subside more than anything in the world. I really do not know what to do because I am starting to develop feelings for guy 2. Part of me believes that it would be easier to walk away from all of this now rather than later. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Edit: Even weirder is the fact that they know I liked both of them and that I made out with guy 2 when I still liked the first one, although I liked them both at this point... I think I need to walk away now.

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I'd say if you don't think you can control yourself around guy #1, then don't get involved with guy #2. It's normal to be physically attracted to people we aren't dating. But your mindset just gives me the feeling that you are not ready to have a relationship and you're just going to end up hurting guy #2.

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This reminds me of when guys have fake 'friendships' with girls when they really have a crush on them and I tell them to move on. For some reason it seems different when the roles are reversed, but it shouldn't be.


I'll say this. If you do date guy 2 and guy 1 breaks up with his gf, good luck getting with guy 1. If guy 1 and guy 2 are really close friends (which it sounds like they are), it would be breaking bro code for him to go out with you because his friend was with you first.


Just food for thought.

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I think you *shouldn't* date guy 2 because I see too many ways things can go wrong here. You're attracted to both of them, they're both attracted to you, the two of them are best friends, the one you like less is head over heels for you, AND the one you like more is taken.


There is a lot of potential hate that can come out of this: any combination of you plus guy 1, guy 1's girlfriend, and guy 2 can end up hating each other.


That is, of course, unless you step back from this whole thing, take a breather and thing long and hard about this before doing anything else.

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This reminds me of when guys have fake 'friendships' with girls when they really have a crush on them and I tell them to move on. For some reason it seems different when the roles are reversed, but it shouldn't be.


I don't really understand this. Are you saying guy 2 is the "friend"?


Thank you for the replies... I already made a personal decision a few weeks ago to step back from it and think and I'm still having these doubts so I think that its a sign that I shouldn't get involved anymore.


MikNomis, the one I liked before I don't "like more" just to clarify... unless you suspect I somehow do? I'm interested. And on another note, I would NEVER get involved with the first guy I liked now because I do have morals underneath this mess. It would be incredibly disrespectful and I couldn't do that to someone... if I'm feeling guilty over this when I haven't physically done anything, God knows what I would be like if I did in future.

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