I'm currantly getting the SILENT TREATMENT! what to do?

[Ms Darcy]

Slightly different perspective. You have two separate issues here. One you felt upset that she seemed to believe her friends over you and you escalated the situation ... Yes YOU escalated it by getting angry and calling them names. There was no need for that. At the same time there was alcohol and it is never a good idea to talk about concerns when your inhibitions are down. That is a talk to laugh off for now and then discuss in a non drinking arena. Two you have a valid concern about the silent treatment. Stop calling her and let her reach out to you and while you talk let her know you are not ok with it but don't threaten with the if you do this again then that. Good luck.

[Ms Darcy]

I just read your last post and it sounds like the bigger issue is that multiple people have issues with you. Now adding that her bro doesnrt like you adds another element you should really consider. I think it is really hard to self reflect but there may be somerthing about you that people are picking up on.

[brock]

I just read your last post and it sounds like the bigger issue is that multiple people have issues with you. Now adding that her bro doesn't like you adds another element you should really consider. I think it is really hard to self reflect but there may be something about you that people are picking up on.

 

I never blamed her for this situation. I know I made the situation bad by getting so angry. But, I do believe that this has been blown out of proportion. She seems to forget that these two girls have had a ridiculously dramatic relationship and sucks her in on a weekly basis. She hadn't seen them in over 2 months and last weekend she went to down to visit them (3 hours away) and my girlfriend came back with "this" up her sleeve that she decided to reveal 3 days later while we were both multiple beers deep.

 

And as far as her brother, he has his PHd and makes $125,000 a year. I have my bachelors and make.25,000 a year. Believe me, I'm just not good enough for his little sister.

 

Her mother, older sister, and her Dad all like me. Her other close friends like me. But, the two crazy, dramatic lesbian couple, apparently not don't like me at all. Which seems about right. When I first met them 6 months ago they both said to me, "We've never liked any of her boyfriends. In fact, Ashley even choked one of them before. But, so far Brock, we think you're great. But, if you hurt her we'll kill you."

 

I was screwed from the start. They were waiting and looking for anything not to like me! And the one girl has a huge crush on my girlfriend. And the other one is uncomfortably attached and protective over my girlfriend. It's strange and uncomfortable. I was just glad that they lived 3 hours away. Which is why this story that happened 4 months ago came out this past weekend during my girlfriends visit with them.

 

One week after her brother's visit. I was double whammy. I think it comes down to money, and my lack of it. My girlfriend seems to be unmaterialistic, but her brother judges me on it and her one lesbian girlfriend makes $60,000 a year. 3 times what I make. Its obvious what this is about.

[brock]

And, its now Thursday morning. I little past 8 in the morning. And she hasn't spoken to me since Tuesday night around 11:30pm when I saw her at the sports bar.

 

So far she has ignored me. I've apologized twice. Once via text message and once via voice mail.

 

It's been about 32 hours and she hasn't tried to contact me.

 

Is this normal? Should I assume we're still together?

 

Don't I get the respect enough to at least get a cowardly text message that says she wants to break up? Don't I at least get that respect?

 

I'm being treated like I was unfaithful. Or like I was physically abusive.

 

Should expect a whole nother day of no contact by her? Does this happen in relationships?

 

I posted this in relationships because as far as I knew, I had a disagreement with my girlfriend, and now she's completely dropped off the face of the earth.

 

At least the convicted felon she dated for 4 years got a sit down talk. The guy that she knew openly cheated on her. The guy that lived off of her got a teary eyed goodbye.

 

Me, the guy that called her beautiful, opened up her car door, the guy that actually met her Mom and her Dad gets this.........

 

The guy she said, "I'm all in with you. He and I were just....its hard to explain."

 

He gets the respect. The felon that soled drugs, the guy that stole credit cards gets a goodbye talk.

 

Me........ I get a disappearance from the earth.

 

I must really be a horrible person. I must really deserve to be treated like this.

[LazyDaisy]

Brock - I am also getting the silent treatmet for something trivial. And I have been with my BF for 6 years - a lot longer than your relationship. Neither of us deserve it and maybe it isn't what we think. Maybe she just needs time to think. don't text her anymore. Let her see what it is like without you. That is what I am going to do. No more texts.

[brock]

Brock - I am also getting the silent treatment for something trivial. And I have been with my BF for 6 years - a lot longer than your relationship. Neither of us deserve it and maybe it isn't what we think. Maybe she just needs time to think. don't text her anymore. Let her see what it is like without you. That is what I am going to do. No more texts.

 

Yeah! I totally agree with you. I won't text if you won't? I just think I'm going to stay in bed today and sleep and maybe watch a few movies.

 

I'm a confident guy, I have great friends, I know I could find another girlfriend. This isn't a boo hoo no one will love me anymore situation. This is a "what the h#ll is going on"? Situation!

 

This is a, I was seeing 5/6 girls when I met her and I dropped them and the single life to be with her and have that relationship/companionship thing with her. Why? Because she's really cool, fun, likes sports, likes to try new things, loves to cuddle, never raises her voice, is really smart, and laughs at my jokes. And most of all, she wasn't "drama". She seemed so different.

 

I know I exacerbated things, but, come on man!!!!!!

 

This is stupid. It makes you think, "do you want to f*#k your friends?" Because this type of loyalty seems like blind loyalty, I got heated, I said some names, I apologized. End of story. Apparently not.

 

I would have been better with cheating on her I guess. I at least would have understood this silent treatment.

 

Even though I love my friends, I know when they're being, dumb, or stupid, or being a#*holes or jerks! Does she really think her friends are beyond reproach? She criticized some of mine and I just smile and either agree or disagree. I was lied on and got upset.... God forbid I get angry when someone lies about me. How dare I. ,

[brock]

Man, it makes you really think.

 

Can someone really "love you" when they disappear like this?

 

It kind of screams, "I love you so much, unless you show any signs of human emotion or human imperfection, then I'll just disappear like you don't exist. But, baby, I love you sooooooooo much."

 

Bull sh#t!

 

This is why I stayed single longer than I ever had before. I had been single for over 1 year. Which for me, was longer than I had ever been single since I was 18.

 

It felt good, to an extent. I came and went as I pleased and lived for me and only me, I could date or be with whom ever and how many ever I wanted.

 

What I missed, and what most people miss is companionship. Companionship you can't get from friends.

 

I was very happy being single. I came to really enjoy it and loved ME! I had never loved ME so much.

 

Then, I fell victim to emotion and fell in love again. I got too close. I believed too much. I allowed myself to be bamboozled and sold on "I wanna be with you" smile kiss kiss, "I like you."

 

I'm so dumb. I was doing great loving ME! I loved Brock and, Brock's friends and family.

 

That's why my buddy always said, only spend one day a week with them, otherwise it can turn into a relationship. I'm such a sucker! I should have listened.

[diamond78]

brock,

 

I was with you all the way until I saw how you called one of her lying friends the "c-word". Oh man, that was the worse word you could have chosen and about HER friend?? Eek! Yea, she may be sitting on this for a minute---a long minute at that.

 

To be honest with you, if I heard my guy call a female that, especially one of my friends....Well, it would be very hard for me to let that one go and still be with him.

 

I really feel for you though because you naturally got defensive because of the falsehoods. And it's possible that she's using your words as confirmation to what the ladies are saying about you and your character.

 

I would give this a few days until the weekend and see if you hear anything from her. If you don't, try one last time around Sunday. If she is still silent, then I would say to start the process of moving on and don't reach out to her anymore.

[brock]

QUOTE=diamond78;5197860]brock,

 

I was with you all the way until I saw how you called one of her lying friends the "c-word". Oh man, that was the worse word you could have chosen and about HER friend?? Eek! Yea, she may be sitting on this for a minute---a long minute at that.

 

To be honest with you, if I heard my guy call a female that, especially one of my friends....Well, it would be very hard for me to let that one go and still be with him.

 

I really feel for you though because you naturally got defensive because of the falsehoods. And it's possible that she's using your words as confirmation to what the ladies are saying about you and your character.

 

I would give this a few days until the weekend and see if you hear anything from her. If you don't, try one last time around Sunday. If she is still silent, then I would say to start the process of moving on and don't reach out to her anymore.

 

Yeah. I know I made a mistake. And I figure she's stewing right now. My guy friend told me to hang loose until the weekend and my girl friend told me that she's being immature and that if she really wanted this relationship that she shouldn't pull the silent treatment. My guy friend says to leave her alone until Sunday, like you said, and my girl friend says I should dump her! Weird......

[diamond78]

Yeah. I know I made a mistake. And I figure she's stewing right now. My guy friend told me to hang loose until the weekend and my girl friend told me that she's being immature and that if she really wanted this relationship that she shouldn't pull the silent treatment. My guy friend says to leave her alone until Sunday, like you said, and my girl friend says I should dump her! Weird......

 

 

Yea, just give her some time to calm down, although I do loathe the silent treatment with a passion. I have no doubt though that her friends are feeding her all kinds of things if she went back and told them what you said.

 

Here's what I'm wondering....Why did she think/believe you had said something along the lines about encouraging cheating? Why would she think that goes in line with what she thinks and knows about you as a person?? I personally would be highly offended by such an accusation and if you two talk again, I would point that out to her if you haven't already.

[stickman]

When in doubt...dont. If someone does not want to communicate, I would let them make the first move and mirror them.

[brock]

Yea, just give her some time to calm down, although I do loathe the silent treatment with a passion. I have no doubt though that her friends are feeding her all kinds of things if she went back and told them what you said.

 

Here's what I'm wondering....Why did she think/believe you had said something along the lines about encouraging cheating? Why would she think that goes in line with what she thinks and knows about you as a person?? I personally would be highly offended by such an accusation and if you two talk again, I would point that out to her if you haven't already.

 

yes. I agree. I told her in the text message apology and in the voice mail. I calmly pointed out that, "You know me as a person. And that's not me. I wish you would have asked me instead of just assuming I said that, I wanted you to defend me. And maybe you did defend me."

 

Now, I am known as the loud, funny, super witty, smiles, happy go lucky, silly comment (wink wink) guy.

 

First of all, if I said this, which I don't believe I did..... It's at a bar, we're all drinking beers, we're all having fun, standing on tables, and her friend was all sad and depressed acting and being a Debbie Downer. So, I put my arm around her lesbian buddy and tried to cheer her up. That's what I do.

 

And now, 4 months later its brought up by them, that said to cheat?!?! Really?

 

Its bar talk, drunk talk, party talk. I probably told her, "Hey. You guys keep fighting and breaking up. There's plenty of pretty girls here. Get yourself a new girlfriend. Not one that keeps breaking your heart. Have fun girl!!!!!"

 

That's me! That's how I talk! And now, when I was trying to befriend my girlfriends lesbian pal, I was trying to be her bro.... She takes this insignificant chat at a bar and uses it to manipulate a situation when my girlfriend went down to visit this past weekend. That's low!!! Real low!

[brock]

When in doubt...don't. If someone does not want to communicate, I would let them make the first move and mirror them.

 

Yes. I'm just hurting right now. The silent treatment is brutal. Because she could all moving and knowing we're done and I'm in the dark, or she's hurting but for some reason won't talk to me.

 

I don't see how she can be THIS angry. This seems over the top.

 

But, I'm not going to try any more.

 

This is the same girl sending me unsolicited "I miss you" and "I love you" texts just 2 days ago. Really!? You feel like this about me but this can't be worked out?!

 

This is a relationship death sentence?

 

The last guy cheated on her and she stuck around.

 

Man, she must reallllllllly hate me! But, is really good at disguising it with sweet words and soft touches and kisses.

 

Man, I thought everyone got a second chance. Especially when its drunk talk about her friend, not even about her. ????????

 

Man. I feel awful. Put me out of my misery of let's work it out. But either way, let's talk. Christ!

 

She said she's never been in love until she feel in love with me. Do chicks just say stupid sh#t like that and not realize that guys take them at their word?

 

She's NEVER taken a guy home to meet her Mom, except me. She's NEVER introduced a guy to her Dad, except for me.

 

And in one fight, disagreement about her friends and this is what happens?

 

She must think she has to choose.

 

Can you get along with some friends and then with other friends you don't? I've tried, I've really really tried. They haven't, and that's bull sh#t.

 

I'm getting angry!!!!!!

[brock]

Well, my friend Brittany came over and she stayed for a while and we talked.

 

I showed her all of my girlfriend's text messages from Sunday through Tuesday night. And they're all positive text messages looking to see me or missing me etc.

 

This isn't a girl who was looking her way out in any way. So, this no contact or silent treatment is about that fight on Tuesday night.

 

Brittany said that I was very in appropriate and went way over board.

 

She also said that she probably feels guilty for bringing up the issue how and when she did and she absolutely 100% told her friend Ashley everything I said and now probably feels stuck and know it was a mistake. Because, some girls want to make their girlfriends happy and want to listen to what they say about the men they date.

 

And now, she is listening to Ashley and she's thinking of you. So, she doesn't know what to do.

 

I was very heart broken when she showed up. And just before she left. This silence is killing me.

 

Brittany said, "Believe me, she knows what you two have and how healthy your relationship has been thus far and what a good guy you are. She just didn't forget that, even if she is angry still. But, she has to have a lot of things going around and around her brain right now."

 

I'm not even mad at my girlfriend. I'm just at a loss. But, I've been no contact on my end since 9pm last night.

 

I'm trying to give her space.

 

I still haven't heard from her since 11:30pm Tuesday night.

 

I think I should just eat myself into a food coma!

[BeatrixKiddo]

Sorry but the silent treatment to me is abusive and pretty much torturous. I still don't believe you deserve it. She should have AT LEAST said, "Hey, I need time alone. Please don't bother me" or something. So screwed up.

[brock]

Sorry but the silent treatment to me is abusive and pretty much torturous. I still don't believe you deserve it. She should have AT LEAST said, "Hey, I need time alone. Please don't bother me" or something. So screwed up.

 

And yes, in a perfect world, I wish she would have done that.

 

I've excepted that I was a huge a##hole Tuesday night. I totally became way to angry and used some ridiculous language describing her friends. Even if I thought that, I never should have said it.

 

My Mom says that I did cause the issue. And that, she maybe doing silent treatment/ cooling off period. I asked her about the length of something like that. She said, don't worry about how long it takes, just know that if she wanted/wants to break up with you, she'll tell you.

 

My Mom said she's known couple that didn't talk to each other for 3-4-5 days at a time and then finally talk. So, she said, think of yourself as being in the doghouse.

 

And , breaking up is always the last resort. She said, "Brock, I know you two never had a fight or you two never fought but it was going to happen at some point. Everyone has their first big fight. And she has to realize this. So, she's probably coming down off her angry vibe and feeling and the longer you leave her alone the sooner she'll contact you. She'll have to talk to you at some point. If it takes her a week, then it takes her a week. Everybody is different. If you don't wanna break up with her, then don't force her hand because if she wanted to break up she would have said so."

 

"No man or no body is ever perfect. We'll all lose our tempers or say things we wish we could take back. You're a human. Did you mess up? Yeah. But, what's done is done. It wasn't the worst thing in the world but you have to get rid of the "C" word."

 

It dies hurt to be in the dark. But, I can't force anyone. And the more I freak out and force her hand the worse I make it for us both. Its time for me to relax and allow nature to take it course.

 

It doesn't mean that it won't hurt. But, what doesn't kill me will make me stronger emotionally.

 

If this is what I must endure to keep my relationship, I'm willing to be patient. At least patient outwardly.

[BeatrixKiddo]

IMO the silent treatment isn't like losing your temper, it's very deliberate and it's a form of punishment most likely. I don't agree with your mom's view on it. And your friends and family seem to be projecting what they think she may be thinking, which isn't the best thing to do IMO. Then again they do know her better than anyone on this forum would, I realize that. Anyway, that's just how I think. We all think different things. After experiencing such a thing with one ex boyfriend over and over again, which was just a red flag for other things to come, I will never again be with someone so uncommunicative like that again, when it crops up so early in relationship. With other exes, if things like this happened, yes we'd cool off and not talk, but he was the only one I ever got the silent treatment from and it's just cruel. But I do hope things work out for you.

[brock]

Thanks. It IS very hard right now. My head is pounding! My emotions are all over the place. Yes, it is punishment.

 

I do feel like I'm in limbo. And when I'm in limbo I'm in extreme mental pain. My head hurts so bad. I just wanna know what's going on.

 

I'm almost tired of talking about it. I'm just tired. I don't see why I have to continue to be punished. Am I that bad of a guy?

 

I must be!

 

I'm tired of all this ridiculousness. I was as happy as I have ever been in a relationship in my life, 3 days ago. Now, because of 5 minutes of angry talk I'm in tons of mental pain.

 

I must deserve this. I really must.

 

I feel like my brain is throbbing right now.

 

This is hard.

 

Waiting and starring at the phone!

 

I feel like I'm being punished to the nth degree.

 

I'm over it. I think I should give it up.

[Moontiger]

Brock,

 

She is being over the top on this. You have apologized, given her time to cool down, what more does she want? I would leave her one more message and in a very civil, calm tone say:

 

"Hey [name] I know I screwed up and out of line. I feel terrible and want to talk with you about what happened. I completely under why you are angry with me. If I don't hear from you soon I'll assume that I screwed up enough for you to not want to be with me."

 

Leave it at that. The ball is in her court. Of course you could also tell her that while you know you did wrong her reaction has made YOU not want to be in a relationship with her anymore.

[brock]

Brock,

 

She is being over the top on this. You have apologized, given her time to cool down, what more does she want? I would leave her one more message and in a very civil, calm tone say:

 

"Hey [name] I know I screwed up and out of line. I feel terrible and want to talk with you about what happened. I completely under why you are angry with me. If I don't hear from you soon I'll assume that I screwed up enough for you to not want to be with me."

 

Leave it at that. The ball is in her court. Of course you could also tell her that while you know you did wrong her reaction has made YOU not want to be in a relationship with her anymore.

 

Thanks. You're a wonderful girl. I can't even be mad at her, I'm the reason why I'm in this situation. I'm the guilty one. I just feel guilty, and I feel like a huge jerk!

 

Why would I call her friends the C word over and over again???

 

I lost control with my mouth and I'm an a##hole!

 

I wish I knew what to say and when to say it!

 

The thing is, I don't want to break up. I don't want to give her a ultimatum.

 

She's too smart for that. And plus, I'm soooooo in the wrong on this one, I deserve all this.

[Ms Darcy]

I agree with your mom that you did cause the issue. But she is responsible for giving you the silent treatment for so long. That must feel awful. As much as you can, hang tight and don't contact her.

[brock]

I agree with your mom that you did cause the issue. But she is responsible for giving you the silent treatment for so long. That must feel awful. As much as you can, hang tight and don't contact her.

 

its ruff! And I won't contact her. The whole thing is, I don't know if she's my girlfriend or not.

 

THAT'S why it hurts.

 

I'm like a blind man in a dark room searching for a black bat that isn't there!

 

Was the argument so bad that I'll be single because of it?

 

I'm feeling listless.

[brock]

Once you start having dreams about them and then waking up and realizing that you were dreaming..... Then you know that its become pretty bad.

 

I realize that I made a mistaken but seems like emotional abuse.

 

I miss her and wish she would just pit me out of my misery.

 

I can't even eat. She's gone and won't even give herself the satisfaction of breaking up with me.

 

Is that love???

 

If you love some one you tell them goodbye.

 

This has been a complete removal from my life as if she never existed.

 

Thanks to everyone one that read or tried to help me.

 

I don't know what I'm going to do. But, its going to be pretty rough for a while.

 

I literally went from the happiest guy in the world with a great girlfriend with no relationship issues and working and paying bills.

 

To one 5 minute run off at the mouth and no sleep and complete emotional exhaustion.

 

Thanks. I'm gone.

[Tia Emma]

Has she contacted you yet? When you do talk to her, you ought to let her know how damaging her behavior is to the relationship. Even if you called her friends names, it's a different thing to cut off communications. There is consequence to everything you do. If you give someone the silent treatment, you'd better be willing to pay the price.

I think all those people (brother, girl friends, ...) are not doing her a favor. If she allows those people to mess with her chances of happiness, she'll end up an old maid. It's easy for anyone to criticize someone's boyfriend, but who is going to be there when she is spending lonely nights when everyone else have their own families?

[brock]

Well,

 

I left her completely alone all day Thursday and all day Friday.

 

I didn't receive any contact from her either. So, going on the advise of one of my friends and on my gut instincts, when I left work Saturday afternoon something compelled me to call her one last time.

 

I knew there was no way I could keep going waiting for her to contact me.

 

To the outside world it had been 3 days of no contact, "No big deal" but when its you and your lover won't even speak to you for 3 days, it feels like each day is 2 or 3 days. It felt like a week.

 

So, I called and it went to voice mail. This time, I stopped defending myself, I stopped "apologizing" for calling friends names, this time I was truly heart felt and said, "I'm so so sorry for hurting you. You have no idea how horrible I feel. Each day you don't talk to me, the more guilty I feel and more pain I go through. I had too much to drink and I lost my temper...something I have to work on. I just feel so bad. I love you... And I miss you. I still don't know if your my girlfriend. I just want to know where I stand with you. I just want us to talk. I'm giving you space right now. And if you want space, I'll give it to you. That's why I didn't try to talk to you the past two days. But I'm totally in the dark here."

 

And didn't expect to hear anything, even though I knew that was the first time I stopped defending myself and the first time I actually said I was sorry for hurting "her" and stopped focusing on her friends etc. It was as heart felt as I could make it. My voice was very low, deep, calm, and kind of cracked up a little bit when I told her I loved her and missed her.

 

Well, she actually texted me back and hour later. When I heard her personal text tone sound off of my phone, I almost thought I was hearing things. I looked and... It was her.

 

It said, "I'm visiting my brother for the weekend. I need time to think about stuff."

 

It sounded fair and it was nice to actually see that she softened up enough to communicate with me.

 

So, with my mother next to me, I showed her what she wrote. My Mom said, "Okay good. Now wait about ten minutes and write her this. "Its good to hear from you. Thanks for responding. Enjoy yourself this weekend with your brother. I'll talk to you when you get back."

 

My Mom said not to send any I miss yous, or I love yous, or don't apologize again in the text. It would be a turn off.

 

I sent it, and now, we wait and see.

 

My Mom said, Brock, it would have pretty easy for her to ignore you again or text you, "Leave me alone. We're done!" She didn't do that, so that's good.

 

I've made some progress.

 

Being patient and went with my gut. Now, there's more work to do.