I'm currantly getting the SILENT TREATMENT! what to do?

[brock]

My girlfriend and I of seven months had a heated exchange last night.

 

We were both drinking a few beers at B-Dubs and she decided to tell that her lesbian couple (friends) no longer like me etc.

 

I chuckled and asked why, thinking she was kidding.

 

She said, "They're both mad because you told Sandy to cheat on Ashley."

 

This was supposed to have happened back in November when we were partying at a bar.

 

First of all, I would never ever give someone that kind of advise and secondly, these two girls live and thrive on constant drama.

 

I became upset and said, "Hmmm, I don't think so!"

 

She said, "I know you said something!"

 

All this was extremely weird because my girlfriend has no drama tendencies, which is why I decided to date her and give up the single life.

 

She didn't yell, but wouldn't look at me and wouldn't say much. She was already 4/5 tall beers deep and I was about 3 deep after a long work day.

 

These two girls were finding a reason not to like me, and it looks like they took something a may have said 4 months ago and manipulated it to convince my girlfriend of something. Which at this point blows my mind. But, I called her two lesbian friends a few names in anger and defended myself, as I should. I don't tell people to cheat. That's sooooo far from who I am.

 

So, we had drove separately and as I drove to my place she never followed me to my place. I called her, no response. I texted her, no response. I texted her again, no response.

 

So, the morning comes and I feel as though I owe her an apology of some kind.

 

I sent her 2 texts apologizing for calling her friends names but that I was only defending myself. And that I never said what they are accusing me of. And that I wish she would have defended me to them and at least asked me instead of assuming I said such nonsense. I finished it with, "Everyone has an argument sometimes. Have a good day."

 

That was at 1 o'clock this afternoon and now its past 8pm and I still have heard nothing from her,

 

I'm feeling sad and I don't know what to do. But, I have to defend myself.

 

But, she's so attached to these two girls that sometimes she believes what they say as gospel.

 

She and I have only had two disagreements in two months. That's why this whole silent treatment is way out of bounds.

[OracleofDoom]

The mistake you made was getting dragged into their drama by "defending" yourself. Once you did that you started playing their game...laugh off things that arent true. Silence must be met with silence. Go NC and watch how quickly everything turns around. And when she reaches out to you...make her wait a bit...then what a make-up it will be.

[OracleofDoom]

Also i only have one rule for any relationship and its if we can communicate there is no problem. By her not wanting to communicate that would be a red flag for me.

[brock]

Yeah. I broke down and called her and she didn't pick up. I left her a respectful voice mail, apologizing again for getting so angry and told her I just wanted to talk. I didn't say any I loves or anything but I was calm and myself.

 

That's gonna have to be my last effort.

 

I hate all this crap!

 

This is why I should have stayed single. Once you start a relationship you leave yourself open to this pain and stress.

[OracleofDoom]

Thats what you have to take your time and develop trust as inconvient as that is. With her you now have to worry if there is a problem she won't even try to work it out she might just go MIA. I'd drop her.

[shykind]

Here is what i think, you made several attempts at resolving the dispute and she didn't reply, leave it. Do not keep contacting her, it will make you seem feeble if you continue to try to apologize to her. Wait, she will come to you and say something, and she might to try to pretend that nothing happened. Do not let her do this, confront the issue, tell her that if she ever accuses you like that again something(non-violent) will happen [insert whatever threat you wish]. I must agree with orcaleofdoom on what he said, no communication in a relationship is a red flag. If she can't communicate on an issue such as this, which in my opinion seems insignificant, what happens when something big occurs. Put your foot down, and put it down heavily.

[Moontiger]

The silent treatment is childish. There are times when a person needs to go and cool off, collect their thoughts etc. But this seems over the top. I would stop trying to contact her. When she finally does contact you really think about how she acts towards you. Will she apologize for not getting back to you? Will she explain her feelings and actions? If you have a constructive talk then I would say keep going with the relationship.

[brock]

. Yeah. Thanks for all the advise so far guys.

 

I mean, she and I have only had 2 significant "arguments" in seven months. She and always have such a great time and have so much in common and never raise our voices with each other. We always "agree to disagree". She's working on her Masters. She s a very happy go lucky intelligent girl. I mean we always say nice things to each other and smile and have been very good friends as well as lovers.

 

This is as extreme as I have ever seen her do this "silent treatment" thing ever.

 

I'm completely baffled. Her mother loves me, I just met her Dad who really liked me, her older sister thinks we're a great couple and her older brother has been slowly warming up to me.

 

I mean, I've never had such a great start to a relationship ever..... We NEVER fight! Ever!

 

We really get along! I mean, we lay next to each other laugh all night before bed!

 

She's never given me a red flag, ever!

 

This has been such a healthy relationship.

 

I'm so frickin' sad and confused right now. Damn it!

[OracleofDoom]

Maybe she's just bored.

[OracleofDoom]

Tahts what drama stems from a poor attempt at not being bored.

[brock]

I don't know. She's so busy with graduate school, that I don't see how she could be bored.

 

And I'm not the "nice guy"! I'm just good to her and she's the same to me.

 

I don't know. This is why I should have stayed single. I was single for over a year and I was seeing a few girls etc. Then, I met her! I started liking her and I stopped seeing other girls and we became exclusive 7 months ago and its been very healthy.

 

Now I'm in my bed all sad like a chump!

[Tia Emma]

brock, you are up against THREE women, two of them lesbians and one is a gf. You see where you are now? You can't win! All kidding aside, this type of behavior hurts the women themselves because men stop taking them seriously. The fact that you even bothered to defend yourself means you had intended to take them seriously. And this is what happened when you do. I hear your frustration. It's like you're saying "I thought she was different". She is letting you down and making you feel unsafe with her. That is cause to be sad. Yeah she can pout and sulk, and yes you'll make up later, but it's hard to indulge someone's bad behavior and still see that person as a true equal.

[brock]

Well, I finally thought I met someone that understood me and was very healthy.

 

I always care so much and this is what happens. I feel like I'm being severely disrespected.

 

What an insignificant disagreement for me to be ignored like this.

 

I thought she respected me enough to talk to me. This is so out of left field for her. She's never behaved this way around me.

 

I'm super sad and now I feel so lonely here at home tonight. I have a lot of friends, but this is so damn sad for me.

 

Sometimes being single is better than this.

[brock]

Thanks Emma.

 

Yeah, I kept praising her to my friends that she was different. She wasn't dramatic, she wasn't crazy, she wasn't moody etc.

 

I know I shouldn't of gotten upset and called her 2 girlfriends names in anger, but, really?!?! Is this 2 day silent treatment necessary?

 

I've already apologized to her twice, genuinely.

 

I feel dumb because I expected to her from her today, she always says goodnight to me. And now I'm kinda choked up....

 

I'm a really that bad?!? I can't get upset? Can I not be human?

 

It feels like that I'm such a good boyfriend that once I show imperfection, she does this.

 

The last guy she was with was a convicted criminal and she stayed with him for 4 years. I'm actually law abiding and have a degree.

 

I'm so upset. Thanks for listening Emma.

[EgoJoe]

Send her another text.

 

"I've tried to be reasonable and I am not seeing that approach being reciprocated so I am breaking up with you."

 

Then, be done. You've invested too far into this game. So, change the rules and extricate yourself from the situation. She is fabricating this BS to pre-emptively engage in a power struggle and after only seven months. This relationship won't last and the longer it goes on the worse it will get.

 

Dump this broad, the power will shift and you can probably bang her a few more times but this relationship is over atleast for a good long time while she grows up and you wise up about Women. It happens to the best of us man. I got dragged through the ringer when I knew better. Not bagging on you at all just dishing it straight, bro to bro.

[brock]

Hey, believe me bro, I know.

 

She's a good gal. We literally have never had disagreement like this! This is ridiculous.

 

Now, according to my buddy, she has changed her profile picture from she and I to her and her Dad.

 

* * * is going on!?!?!? Are you serious!?

 

Over this?!?!

 

I mean, really?!

 

I'm not allowed to get upset when her friends lied or mis remembered a conversation that happened 4 months ago?

 

Seriously?

 

Its almost like she's lost her mind.

[RitaTrue]

Hey, believe me bro, I know.

 

She's a good gal. We literally have never had disagreement like this! This is ridiculous.

 

Now, according to my buddy, she has changed her profile picture from she and I to her and her Dad.

 

* * * is going on!?!?!? Are you serious!?

 

Over this?!?!

 

I mean, really?!

 

I'm not allowed to get upset when her friends lied or mis remembered a conversation that happened 4 months ago?

 

Seriously?

 

Its almost like she's lost her mind.

 

Seven months is nothing. For most relationships, the butterflies last between 3-6 months. After that, you start seeing the real person. And THIS, dear friend, is apart of who she is.

You say that she's a good gal and that you've never had a disagreement like this. Well, of course! It's quite easy to stay in love and argument-free when you're still trying to figure out who you're with.

 

Fortunately, she's made THAT particular part easy on you: she's giving you a nice whiff of you have to look forward to. And I've got bad news for you--it will NOT get easier. This childish stuff right here--the silent treatment, will only get worse with time. She's blowing this WAY out of proportion mate.

 

The silent treatment not only says that she has ZERO communication skills (BAD SIGN #1), but that she wants to stay in control (Bad sign #2), and she wants you to keep doing these games for her until she's finally ready on HER terms (Bad Sign #3). All of these things are focused on HER. And excuse me, when you're in a relationship, isnt there less of "you" and more of "us" to keep things going?

 

She's not engaged in the "us".

 

I speak as someone who used to do The Silent Treatment. It is all about Control.

 

I agree with EgoJoe. You need to break up with her.

 

Her silent treatment is not an accident, but a part of her personality, and it's not going to be fixed by you. Spare yourself the time. End the relationship cause this will NOT be getting better.

 

And PS, stop punking down to her like a * * * * * . You've already apologized. Grab your balls and go NC. Regain your dignity Mate.

[BeatrixKiddo]

I agree with ritatrue. I had this kind of bs silent treatment done on me by an ex, which started about 8 months into the relationship. What she is saying fits and it only got worse. The bad signs that rita describes and the not being focused on "us", yep that was my ex. Oh and we hardly fought either.

[brock]

You're totally right! This, cowing down to her isn't me and I haven't done it at all during our relationship.

 

I've apologized 3 times now, for the same thing.

 

And I agree. This must be about control. She made a comment to me a few months ago, "I've always been the one that controlled my relationships. It's weird that you control ours hahaha."

 

And I know what you're saying, but, I'm not just going to break up a relationship that's only had this one rough spot. I mean, out of all the girls I've ever dated, she's been the most sain one, up until this point.

 

But, apparently I should have never referred to her girlfriends as the "C" word!

But, that what they are! Sorry, and they live 3 hours away.

 

I don't want to be hasty and give up. That's way to premature. She hasn't said anything to me about ending our relationship, but, my buddy says that if I don't hear from her by Friday night, that I may

want to drop the break up text.

 

My buddy said that the "C" word was probably my worst mistake.

 

It wasn't like I called her the "C" word.

 

Damn, I'm really going to be single my whole life. I'm so tired of women.

[BeatrixKiddo]

Yeah maybe you shouldnt call her friend the c word but this kind of treatment is way out of proportion to what you did.

[RitaTrue]

Brock, I understand that you want to hang in there and make the relationship work, but mate: it takes TWO. If you're the only one working on a relationship, what's the difference between that and being single? They're both YOU working. Except with your relationship, you get all the work with no benefits. Is that what you signed up for?

 

Yes, you were wrong to call her friend that, but you've already COMMUNICATED that. And communicating that, along with an apology, WHICH YOU'VE ALREADY DONE, is an adult behavior. She has shown zero adult behavior, thus far. In fact, all of her behavior, for your apologies, has been CHILD behavior. And children need to grow up.

 

You cannot fix her. This is apart of who she is.

 

You remind me of a woman who stays with a physically abusive man: even though she gets hit , she blames herself for his behavior. You're doing the same thing: "If only I hadnt called her friend the C-word..., then this wouldnt have happened." And you say the same thing these women do: "I shouldnt leave...because it only happened once."

 

But just like them, it doesnt happen just once. And just like them, your stuck in a * * * * ty situation where the best thing you can do is leave.

 

Here's reality: Even if that word never escaped your mouth, something else would've still happened in its place. Either then. Or down the line. It's actually to your benefit that this happened now, so that, like I said, you can get an early whiff of what you're in for.

 

You made a mistake. But guess what? We all do. That's what people will do in relationships. You screw up. You talk. You make up. You grow and get past it. You're already at step 1 (you screwed up), But if she's not willing to get to the second step of that (talking), your relationship will not grow.

 

 

This whole thing that she's worked up on is pretty amateur compared to what can and will happen later. Which is why, I stand by what I've said before: "This silent treatment will only get worse with time."

 

Brock, if you stay with her, I guarantee you'll be back here, months later, crying over her silent treatment bull * * * * . Because this silent treatment thing--is a part of her personality. If you sign up with a relationship with her, you're signing up with THIS, as apart of your package deal.

 

Tread at your own risk.

[brock]

Yeah. I feel like the punishment isn't fitting the crime here.........

[Moontiger]

Hey brock,

 

Just a few more thoughts. IMO its unhealthy to think of a relationship as having one person in charge. Relationships are partnerships. Secondly, since, as you say this is the first rough patch it COULD be worth it to (once she has returned to planet earth) tell her that you think he reaction to this situation wasn't productive and in the future you would prefer if the two of you could communicate about things like this.

 

You may find out that she either A) Is the type of person who needs an extended amount of time to cool down. Or B) She could get defensive and put this all on you.

 

Either way you learn all you need to know.

[brock]

Hey brock,

 

Just a few more thoughts. IMO its unhealthy to think of a relationship as having one person in charge. Relationships are partnerships. Secondly, since, as you say this is the first rough patch it COULD be worth it to (once she has returned to planet earth) tell her that you think he reaction to this situation wasn't productive and in the future you would prefer if the two of you could communicate about things like this.

 

You may find out that she either A) Is the type of person who needs an extended amount of time to cool down. Or B) She could get defensive and put this all on you.

 

Either way you learn all you need to know.

 

Yeah. Thanks for keeping a cool head with me. My buddy, who really loves my girlfriend told me to hang tight until Saturday. He said, "Assume you guys are still together until she says something to you or if she hasn't tried to contact you by Saturday.

 

She's known to just act like nothing happen after she and I ever had a disagreement. I think I'll have to say something about this silent treatment to her. But, I'd wait a couple days.

 

Am I wrong.......has this been blown waaaaaaaaay out of proportion?

[brock]

Well, as sad as it is, this is what my buddy texted me.

 

"Yeah man she wants u and the people most important in her life to get along. I think this is really important to her and when her friends or family view u negatively it makes her start questioning things i think this is partially why things didnt work out with my ex."

 

"Her brother might be a lost cause but she wanted u there that night to at least try even though no matter what u did it wouldnt have made a bit of difference. And now the next week her friends are talking * * * * and then u said that c word so she doesnt know what to do."

 

"And whatever u do dont try and reason with her just listen to what she is saying dont try and figure out soulutions she doesnt want that she wants to hear u say im sorry u felt that way, im sorry i made u feel that way, and i really need to work on that."

 

Her brother and I don't really get along perfectly. He's very protective over her and doesn't think anyone is good enough.

 

"Men offer soulotions women dont want that"

 

This thing with her brother and these two girls is putting strain on our relationship the past two weeks I guess.

 

She's always saying that she loves me and is always trying to see me, always trying to spend the night, coming to vsiti me at my serving job. She'll study while sitting in my section.

 

This is silly......