UniqueSoul Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and a half. we are 23/24 years old. we grew up together, and have known each other since elementary school, so we had a solid foundation of a friendship before we started to date. my boyfriend was always trying to get me to date him ever since the 7th grade. he always told people "one day i am going to marry that girl." the type of person he is makes him very friendly, compassionate, loving..he wants to be everyones friend and be nice to everyone. qualities which i admire, and wish i was more like. over the years of our separate dating histories, we've dated a few people before each other. his last girlfriend before me he dated for about three months, but kept a friendship with her. they also shared the same group of friends, so it was inevitable that they were going to see each other. he said that they were better off as friends. he was single for 2 years before he dated me. (in the beginning of our relationship he kept open communication with exes, but only as friends.) i was always in relationships with men who have cheated on me with their ex girlfriends, and other women, so (i do admit) that i came into my current relationship a bit damaged, with baggage, and major trust issues. i wanted to work hard to get rid of these insecurities, and just trust my current boyfriend. when we first started dating he was into smoking and selling pot. it did bother me that he was selling, for obvious legal reasons it bothered me, but he told me that he wasnt going to do it forever. I later found out that he was selling to his ex girlfriend. (the one who he only dated for a short period of time, and said they were better off as friends.) these events set my jealousy and trust issues off the wall! i told him to break contact with her, and to stop selling. and he did. a year and a half later, especially when my hormones seem to be raging, i rethink about his selling days and the days of him talking to his ex(es). i seem to have a lot of issues letting go, and just trusting him. he has given me no reason not to trust him. he stopped talking to his exes (even though i do admit that i should not have told him to stop talking to them, because he just wanted to be friends. he wants to be friends with everyone. and my lack of trust in him makes me sad) and he no longer sells pot (or smokes it that much.) i feel that I've gotten into a nasty habit of trying to control his every move because of my lack of trust with him. i think that i projected some of my insecurities from previous relationships onto him, and i lose control sometimes. just because one of MY exes slept with HIS ex, does NOT MEAN that my current boyfriend cant be friendly with his exes. they are two different men. and i am tired of keeping these rules and regulations up for him. he should be able to make his own decisions and i should TRUST his decisions. and TRUST that he wont hurt me. (even if he meets an ex for coffee...i should realize that they are friends. and its ok. he is with me, not them. he would be fine with me meeting anyone i wanted for coffee and keeping certain boundaries.) it's so difficult for me to make these changes in my head. and let go, and move on from our past. he really did nothing wrong to warrant my "Crazy" behaviors. right? i want to be able to be more understanding, and accepting of who he is as a person. he is someone who HATES to burn bridges and he wants to be nice to everyone. those are good qualities of a genuine human being. and i should see that he (being a good guy) will not do anything inappropriate with another woman. Does anyone have any advice? i tried my hardest to sum up the issues that lie inside my head. Link to comment
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