Birthday text

[TessaB]

I've seen many write about it on here. Well, it's my birthday...and I got a text from the ex. I never expected that. It's been almost four months out of a 2 year serious relationship, I haven't talked to or seen him in over two months. He has a new girlfriend (the one he met when with me). Just said happy birthday and hope I was having a good day.

 

First I was alright with it, then had some tears, now just...whatever. Of course, I am ignoring it. He hurt me. And now he's just loving life hoping I have a great day while he lives his life. Clearly, unaware of the pain he's caused me over the last four months.

 

I'm 100% set in not responding, but for a second thoughts crossed my mind about how I am percieved. Not repsonding...could that mean I'm bitter, not "over it," can't "handle" a dumb text? Responding....could that mean I'm fine, forgiving and everything is peachy?

 

Then I realize, it just doesn't matter.

 

Oh! One bright side, I had to confirm it was his number....because I had successfully forgotten it. Ha, I guess not anymore. I'll start the mind erasing process once again!

 

Just needed to vent, as I'm going to bday dinner with friends and surely do not want to focus on this....so I wanted to get it out somewhere. Thanks ena!

[LDRohnos]

Yeah I typically avoid sending birthday texts/emails/calls to ex's for this reason alone. It's empty. Try to forget about it and enjoy your birthday no need to reply back.

 

Happy Birthday!!!!

[FreeFallFeelin]

Kudos to you for staying strong Tessa. Can't be easy. You're very smart to put yourself in check and remember that he hurt you, and that he's probably mostly unaware of the pain you've been put through (a realization that ironically causes us more pain!). I also think you're right in thinking that your ex is just fishing, hoping that you'll respond with a bright bubbly cheery message ..."hey thanks! doing great! hope you are madly in love!" ...so he can release any shreds of guilt he may have for hurting you. It's too bad your ex reached out just enough to stir up emotions, but not enough to make it meaningful or helpful to you.

[guynextdoor]

Happy bday from one ena member to another! Forget the text and go have some fun with your friends. The only tears you should have is tears of joy.

 

cheers!

[UniqueSoul]

none of my exes ever wished me a happy bday after we broke up! i kinda wish that they did. knowing that they were still thinking about me. try to enjoy your life and your birthday

[doyathink]

I sent a couple of my ex's a birthday text. I dont hate them, and wanted them to know I remembered. I didnt do it to ease any guilt, or give the so called breadcrumbs...I did it because at one time, I loved them more then any other man in the world, and still thought highly of them. Some times....ppl do nice things to those they care about. Not to hurt you....but because they care. You dont have to still love someone to still care about them.

[No1]

Of course there is no need to reply, but Im going to buck the system and say there is nothing wrong with sending a text saying "thank you" You are not opening yourself up for a conversation, no text chat, its the polite thing to do. If someone wished me a Happy Birthday, I would say thank you, if they took the time to remember my birthday, then I will take just a few seconds to reply and appreciate the thought.

Dont need to think of why or how could he do this, is he thinking of me, why did he text.. That will drive you crazy, you can reply with a simple, "thank you for the birthday text" or just say "thank you" and life moves on again.

[askltk]

Look's like I missed out on yesterday ENA love'in!

 

I got the empty happy birthday message yesterday (although her sister sent one first). I did text back,to say thanks, and to wish her dad a HB as well. She replied instantly saying that she "we should go for lunch soon". Didn't reply to that one.

 

I agree with No1, its a polite thing to do (to respond). It's nothing more than a wishful thought, no need to over analyse.

 

But interestingly agree with doyathink - "you don't have to still love someone to still care about them". So true. And that's why I have always sent happy birthday texts to Ex's.

[TessaB]

Thanks for all of the replies and birthday wishes! And, Happy Birthday to askltk too!

 

I wish this wasn't even an issue! Since November I've just been saying...I'll be better by...Christmas....New Years....Valentine's Day....my birthday... but that hasn't happened. Then I would say, ok, if I can get through my birthday, I can get through anything! I did have a fun time with friends last night, and though I cried before and afterward, I kept that to myself and just got it out.

 

I did not text back. I see the differing opinions in this thread and respect both a repsonse and non-response approach. The way I felt when I got that text, I know I did not want to feel that way again if I were to respond and he were to say anything back to me. Or, the way I would feel if I said 'Thanks' and got nothing back. Nothing would have satisfied me, so I chose to ignore it. I guess that's still bitter of me, but I was hurt and I'm still healing. I think I made the best decision for me.

 

Still......ugh.

 

Thanks all!

[learning2relax]

you did! If you had responded and you got nothing else in return after that, you would feel even worse that you do now. Perhaps now that you have his number again, you can blacklist his number for texts on your phone? That way you don't have to worry about his turning your world upside down while you are still getting past the breakup.

[askltk]

Happy Birthday to you too.

 

Anyway - if you responded with a thanks, it at least acknowledges you got the text. If it's literally "thanks for the birthday message" etc.. then you wouldn't expect anything else in return. But, you've done the best thing for YOU - and that's all that matters. You were wise enough to avoid the issue completely, which is part of the battle. Should give yourself credit for that.