So close to breaking NC.....NO....I Can't.....AHHHHHH!!!

[loveseeker1]

So I guess 1 month is not enough time to get in touch?

Broke up 1 month yesterday, though exchanged a few emails 2 weeks in.

Im the dumpee, she cheated on me.

Yes i know, you are all saying run a mile, but the last 2 days have been my weakest in a while.

Trying everything, from working crazy hours (60+), getting out with friends and even started a few projects to keep me busy(building a classic car).

But I still think of her. It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm not expecting to hear from her, really I'm not (she is stubborn) but a massive part of me just wants to speak to her. See how she is, just chat really.

Her brothers and father have been in touch with me throughout the breakup, they know how good I was to her and that I did not deserve one bit of what happened. Her family where great to me while we where together. I miss them as well, me and her father had a lot in common. I texted me recently saying I'm never far from everyones thoughts, which was nice.

It's nice keeping in touch with them, I never ask about her. I feel it would be too much.

So I've been NC from 20th of Jan and it feels like months have passed.

I know she feels guilty and dirty after what she done, we spoke a lot about it before she asked me to leave.(we had 1 week after i found out of still being together, but she said I was being to physical after everything and it didn't feel right)

But will that stop her from getting in touch? Probably!

This NC business is not easy, but I know, deep down it's the only thing I can do given my situation. I can not keep in contact with her. She must feel the loneliness that I have right now. Me being there will not help. It will push her away, i know this, yet I'm still tempted!

 

After all this person did on me, the hurt and mistrust, yet I still have these feelings for her.

I've had 1 date since, which was set up by a friend, it went great and I know i'll have no problem in the future meeting people. This has not kicked me down, I still walk chin up and confident, but I find myself thinking of her a lot.

Through a friend on FB i saw she has been out, her pictures with her smiling are nice to see. I understand she has a life outside of this and would not want her moping around. I only hope she see's the grass is not greener. That I was in fact a great person to her and she regrets all she has done.

 

Ahhhh, I'm ranting. Sorry.

It's just like i never existed.

I have saved a few threads from this forum that i read every morning as inspiration to go out and smile to the world. To have a great day, and I have!

But when I get home, after work, and I'm by myself, it kicks in.

 

To all those out there in NC right now, this sucks! Oh boy, it really drives you crazy. I just need the drive to continue.

I keep telling myself, what good would it do to contact her. Im 100% sure she would reply.

But that reply would be so bear and cold, thats whats stopping me.

Not having a good evening at all!

Sorry had to let that all out. Thanks for listening, i appreciate it

[UniqueSoul]

be strong. someone who will do that to you is NOT worth it. find someone who will be commited to you only.

[secondchance67]

What she is doing doesn't matter now.

What she is thinking now doesn't matter.

 

Who she is with, if she is happy, thinking of you, sad, remorseful, any of it....no longer an issue for you.

 

Why?

 

She chose to leave you, disrespect you, and anyone who does that is not worth a second of your mental energy.

She chose to cheat on you - cheating is a choice, not a mistake...it was a conscious decision ...an action, and she was well aware of what she was doing when She committed that act of betrayal.

 

Erase her from your life.

 

You must if you want to heal and get to a state of indifference, learn and grow as a result of this relationship.

 

You must use logic over your emotions.

 

Separate the heart form the mind....look at what she put you thru, the flaws in her character, lack of morals and integrity....the very act of cheating shows you she has issues...and they are all HERS.

 

logic.

logic

logic.

 

Look at her for what she is, her actions, the motives and the person she is now....do it without emotions.

 

Now, was she worth all she put you thru?

Take her down off the pedestal.

 

See her for what she is.

 

You CAN...if you adjust your mindset.

 

One more thing : FACEBOOK = PAIN...............STOP LOOKING AT HER PAGE!

[stickman]

NC gives you time to heal. All healing of ANY kind takes time.

 

It is only natural to feel what you feel. It is ok to want to slip up. But you have to use your head and not your heart.

You are Smart! You are keeping busy, and staying active.

 

At this point, You have nothing to prove to her. You already know that you CAN and WILL do better. Put a smile on your face and get out there and you will see how others want to be with only you for all that you have to offer. That should be enough for the RIGHT person. The reward is when you find that next woman of your dreams that gets your heart pounding once again! I have that woman in my life now. WHen you least expect, great things happen. And I thank God that I did learn about myself through all the pain that I went through. Some things happen for a reason.

[Arcticmonkey]

Ok first of all she cheated on you. The most cowardly act anybody can put another through. NC all the way man. She doesn't give a slight bit about your feelings. Let her find what she is looking for because you should run away from that quick.

[Scuza]

Ok first of all she cheated on you. The most cowardly act anybody can put another through. NC all the way man. She doesn't give a slight bit about your feelings. Let her find what she is looking for because you should run away from that quick.

 

This this this this this.

A true man (well, ANYONE) should never take back a cheater. She doesn't feel sorry about doing it, she probably feels sorry for getting caught.

There are plenty of women out there, many who are better for you, who will not betray you like she did. Actions speak louder than words, and her actions have spoken.

[FreeFallFeelin]

It's tough Arctic, but you MUST stay strong. It's probably going to be months and months before your "over her" enough to even think about contact (assuming at that point you haven't become totally disgusted and bitter towards her for being a cheater).

 

Think of it like this - If you contact her, it's just another opportunity for her to reject you again. Sound fun? If she want's you back, she will make it 100% clear that is the case. Otherwise, protect yourself and stay away. We're all right there with you in this struggle of NC, believe me.

[Lansing]

You are right, people will tell you to run away.

 

She is with a new guy, you will be worse off if you contact her vs. continuing to heal. It will get better. I am approaching 60 days of no contact, I admit that I haven't had cheating to deal with but I almost feel like if she treated me worse (i.e. cheated) it might be easier for me to think "I am not going to waste another second thinking about her". I can understand how it is hard trying to figure out why someone would just do that to do you but you are definitely better off finding this out now vs. a year from now or two years from now. Now you have time to meet some new people and enjoy a better/healthier life.

[loveseeker1]

Thanks for all the advice. I've stuck with it, which Im so proud of myself.

But a very strange thing happened. I typed my original post last night and when I had just hit "post" i set my laptop down and went for a drink of water. My phone went. It was another text from her father. He said he had spoke to his son (her brother) and he was happy I was coming home ( I work away from home, this was the reason she cheated on me, because I was not there), he said he was happy for me and looks forward to seeing me in the future.

It's nice I can keep in touch with him, he is a great man. His advice to me after we split was " to get on with your life". Her own father also said she did not deserve me and I'm better of without her. These words ring home for me! This coming from her own father!

 

Anyways, birthday coming to a close after 13hrs in work (phew) and now a few drinks with some work friends. I checked my phone a few extra times today, incase she did get in touch. Instead i got a text from an ex ex, we where together for 6 years and still keep in distant touch (mostly as she still owes me some money). She was the one that got away. Perfect in everyday but we where both young. She is dating a guy at the moment and is very happy. Im happy for her but she will always be my first love. It was nice she got in touch anyway.

 

I have days of anger, just pure anger at what she did to me, and stuff she said but behind it all, she was sleeping with this guy! But today, yesterday and the day before, I've just found myself thinking of her more. But I'm confident this will get better. Im excited at what life has to throw at me, but why do we have days where we step backwards? Why do i find myself thinking of this person?

 

Thanks for all the support xoxoxox