It has been 4 months, should I make contact?

[justinvernon]

Hello, I'm new here! (I am not the real Justin Vernon, don't send me fan mail )

 

I've been around this forum a couple of weeks but just now managed to sign up.

 

I dated this girl for about a year though we never made it official. She ended it some 4 months ago by saying she wasn't in love and didn't know if this relationship would progress any further. She wanted to be friends which I turned down, then she began to clutching at straws asking me if she could call me sometimes and such. I said that would be fine but don't expect any contact from me.

 

I have been in this situation before with another girl, well two other girls actually. These are pretty much the same kind of girl. I seem to fall for these ones. These girls want me when I'm being a challenge but as soon as I reciprocate and they 'get' me, they stop investing which makes me invest more and the balance is shifted, they become distant then dumps me with 'insert random excuse about their feelings'.

 

The relationships themselves has been brilliant, lots of laughing and teasing, doing fun stuff and awesome sex. So usually they come crawling back after a month or so. They want what they can't have and especially what they once had but what's no longer available to them. I think it's human nature. And with space they realized that they actually did like me. Either way I've always done the 'NC thing' (I run from hurt) naturally before I knew what it was.

 

So I'm perplexed, why hasn't this latest one come back? Or atleast contacted me? Did I burn a bridge by saying I won't contact her? Did she interpret as 'i dont want any contact with you'?

 

Should I make contact and open the communication channel between us or would that be percieved as lower my value? We have not had any contact since the breakup. Perhaps I'm just being impatient.

 

When I log on onto Facebook she's usually online but after I've been online for 5-10 minutes she logs off. Every single time. That I really don't get. The break up was friendly so I can't fathom any hard feelings from her side. Why is she doing this?

 

I can understand she not coming back, perhaps she's met someone else there's nothing one can do about that but her post break up behavour (or lack of) is making me confused. I am dating so I'm not moping around after this girl but I think I'd still like a final stab at the relationship with her.

[flatplane]

If you go NC it doesn't automatically mean they'll contact you.

 

If you genuinely want to give it anther go then talk to the girl. Invite her out for coffee or whatever and see what happens.

[Heidern]

Don't over think it, man. She ended your relationship. Maybe one day she'll realize you were a pretty good catch, at which point she'll find a way of contacting you. If not, well... You took care of yourself, so no time was wasted thinking about the possibilities.

[flatplane]

Don't over think it, man. She ended your relationship. Maybe one day she'll realize you were a pretty good catch, at which point she'll find a way of contacting you. If not, well... You took care of yourself, so no time was wasted thinking about the possibilities.

 

For me if he never reaches out, he'll always wonder. Reach out once, if she's not interested then you've got your answer.

[Mephisto13]

She hasn't come back to you because she doesn't want you.

 

Time to accept it. Let sse if YOU can resist "wanting what you can't have".

[secondchance67]

I agree with Heidern....let her contact you - it was her choice to end it...let her live her life without in it in any way, shape or form....go ghost, fall off the grid...disappear....become invisible.

 

If she wants to contact you, trust me, she will find a way.

 

Dont waste this time tho, use it to better yourself - that is KEY.

[doiiiieeezie]

If you go NC it doesn't automatically mean they'll contact you.

 

If you genuinely want to give it anther go then talk to the girl. Invite her out for coffee or whatever and see what happens.

 

I wouldn't invite her to coffee but contact her... send out a feeler. See how she reacts because after 4 months you are still thinking about this girl and being with her. Someone needs to open communication. If she doesn't respond then let it be.

[laninaperdida]

She hasn't come back to you because she doesn't want you.

 

Time to accept it. Let sse if YOU can resist "wanting what you can't have".

 

Pretty much sums it up.

 

What concerns me is that after 4 months you're still thinking about the possibility of her coming back,

Thinking about an ex after this time is healthy, but after 4 months you really should have the " * * * ? Who's number is this?" if she does contact you.

 

You could take the risk and reach out to her, but it's not likely to be successful.

[justinvernon]

Pretty much sums it up.

 

What concerns me is that after 4 months you're still thinking about the possibility of her coming back,

Thinking about an ex after this time is healthy, but after 4 months you really should have the " * * * ? Who's number is this?" if she does contact you.

 

You could take the risk and reach out to her, but it's not likely to be successful.

 

Really? I'd think it would be unhealthy to not think nor care about someone you dated for a year. But I guess we all process things at different speeds. With that said, I am dating. Well, casually atleast. And I don't know how I feel about this girl anymore but ideally I'd want to be in a situation where I can choose to start something new with her or not.

 

I have a feeling I was too harsh on her when she asked if she could call me sometimes, perhaps she doesn't dare to contact me? She still has some stuff at my place. And the facebook behaviour, any clues on that? Is she avoiding me? She was pleading to be able to call me sometimes, then doesn't? Just makes me confused.