calblondie Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Hi all, I haven't posted on the boards for a while, mainly because I had been working on my relationship with my boyfriend. We were making progress, but I finally realized yesterday that the progress wasn't enough for me. Yesterday I told him that his lack of truth and progress in this area is a deal-breaker for me. I guess I am looking for validation that I am on the right path and asking for advice on what to do next. I am truly heart-broken that I am at this point, but I don't feel like I have any other choice. To give you a little background: -He is 30, I am 38. We both have 1 son each, from previous marriage. -We were dating since May 2010. -We have lived together since February 2011. -He has had some severe jealousy/trust issues, which recently have gotten a bit better. He has refused counseling, claiming he isn't ready or it is not going to help. See my previous post for more details. He has always been a bit of a wild guy - he likes to party with his friends. He drinks alcohol, sometimes in a social situation and sometimes by himself at home or at a bar or casino. Since he moved in with me last year, I realized that he does not have a handle on his alcohol consumption and his behavior when he drinks. He has ended up on a couple of occasions doing drugs (pot, cocaine, not sure what else) with his friends and co-workers and has regularly (e.g. twice a month or more) not come home after a night of drinking. Most of the time he has claimed that he got too drunk to drive home, slept in his truck, at a friend's house or at his office and then woke up and drove home (usually around 3 or 4AM). He went out to a casino with his boss and a co-worker on Monday night. He kept in contact with me via text until about 9PM and promised that he would make it home that night. I even offered to pick him up; he declined the ride. He got home around 430AM the next morning, had obviously been drinking most of the night because he passed out quickly, was talking/cursing in his sleep (which he does when he is drunk) and would not wake up when I tried to talk to him. I showered and got ready for work and left the house. I didn't contact him until about 10AM, when I told him over the phone that I could not handle his behavior and that I wanted to split. So now he and I are barely talking. I still love him, but I am also being brutally honest with myself and him. I cannot live with him when he continues to behave like this. He starts drinking and then drops off the face of the Earth until the next morning. He has many times promised to change, but recently admitted that he can't change and doesn't want to change - that this is part of who he is. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot make him change this behavior; the only thing that I can do is leave. We did discuss living together in the same house in separate bedrooms until my lease is up in late March. How can I go about NC when we live in the same house? I haven't told any friends, co-workers or family about what has happened because he and I have had a lot of back and forth in our relationship before. He has threatened to move out several times, but has always come back to me, begging me to take him back. This is the only time that I have broke it off with him. He knows that I am serious. Any words of advice would be most helpful! I feel like caving in and asking him to come back, but I know it is just because I miss having him around. Thanks in advance! Karin Link to comment
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