ghengisT Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Hi ENA- I recently broke up w/ my girlfriend shy of our 4yr mark. She told me she loves me but not in love w/ me. I've been LC/NC for a couple weeks now. She thinks I'm upset with her, even though I've told her that I have no resentment & am appreciative of the things we've learned from each other. I've also said things encouraging her to move on, such as "life is short, we owe it to ourselves to be happy". I know 2wks isn't long, and I'm doing well, working on my own goals, etc. I feel pretty free, and now recognize things that were missing from my relationship. The unconditional love factor towards me faded in & out over the last year, but who's to say it wasn't there if she wasn't 100% attracted to me for the last year. Also, my maturity level is a bit higher. I live on my own, take care of business, have a good job. With all the things I'm doing, it was easy to loose sight of my fitness goals (got chubby ). She's still living w/ mom & dad, but has a good job & a new car payment. We're both young at 24. Pushing her loss of attraction aside (i know it's major), and reflecting on the attributes of our relationship, values, morals, etc- It was a very good relationship (in my eyes). We went 2-3 years before any fights, she broke up for a day at the 3yr mark.. and a few drunken bouts on both of our parts. We we're always quick to resolve conflict, and I know she still loves me very much, considers me her best friend, etc. Looking at the past year, I think I've had one foot out the door the entire time. I'm also looking at the activities I enjoy, that I couldn't get her to do with me. Most of our time together were activities she likes. We both like eating I want her in my life, but at what cost? Should I take the occurrence of this event as a sign that when we're 40yrs old, and out of shape, she won't be able to hang on to the unconditional love that holds couples together? Going forward, I won't let my activities slip away (hiking, muay-thai, camping, friends). Should I even focus on giving it another shot, if she wants to reconcile? See my thread for more insight: Link to comment
octour Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 It's not very clear. Who broke up with who? Link to comment
ghengisT Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 It's not very clear. Who broke up with who? She told me that the "feeling" isn't there anymore, and she hasn't been in love with me for awhile. A gentle let down. She said a break would be good. The next day I told her that it doesn't feel right to hold each other by strings and it would better to "cut the tie". Link to comment
VeryConfused17 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 You're situation sounds very similar to mine (Were both 24, went out for 3yrs, broke it off in Sept/Oct 2011). Same story too, not much arguing, quick to resolve conflicts, we more often did things she liked (not that i hated them just not my first choice). It seems that the break up was somewhat mutual if you both agreed to it. I would concentrate on yourself and forget about giving it another shot. You'll be devestated (like i was) when she started dating again, and you'll realize holding onto that hope has hindered you from the healing process. Concetrating on yourself and forgetting the hope is the best thing you can do. If another chance comes to reconcile and you're meant to be together then it will happen on its own; you shouldn't hope or plan to get back together. Move on for now, and go NC. I wouldn't go running back anytime soon, until you are ready, its easy to give in and go running back if she wants to reconcile, but then she'll know she can have you anytime and keep you on the back burner. Just work on yourself, she'll reach out again eventually if she wants to be with you, if not then it wasnt me Link to comment
TomboyMS Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 It sounds like you always let her have her way with things. Stop that because it's an attraction killer. Don't be at her beck and call. Don't always reply to her calls and texts. Do the things you enjoy and make a better life for yourself. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 It sounds like you always let her have her way with things. Stop that because it's an attraction killer. Don't be at her beck and call. Don't always reply to her calls and texts. Do the things you enjoy and make a better life for yourself. Not replying to someones calls or text in an attempt to make them attracted to you is completely immature and rude. OP, she's done. She'll never go back to feeling the way she used to. If you hold out any hope that you'll get back together, you're going to just be wasting really valuable years of your life. Link to comment
ghengisT Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 It sounds like you always let her have her way with things. Stop that because it's an attraction killer. Don't be at her beck and call. Don't always reply to her calls and texts. Do the things you enjoy and make a better life for yourself. I've been taking the LC/NC approach. I can tell she's missing me which isn't validation enough to bank on reconciliation. Not being mean, or cold per advice from another ENA member, but definitely as little engagement as possible. It's only been 2wks and I'm excited by my new list of goals, and the people I am meeting. Time to move on. Link to comment
ghengisT Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 It sounds like you always let her have her way with things. Stop that because it's an attraction killer. Don't be at her beck and call. Don't always reply to her calls and texts. Do the things you enjoy and make a better life for yourself. Thanks for the response. Yeah she gets her way about most things, but I thought after 4yrs of exclusive dating, the intention was to be a supportive SO, and be available in case of emergency. Is this something that never changes through the course of dating/relationships? My dedication to my SO is/was infinite. In future relationships, would it be good advice to not give them that? Naive & confused over here.. Link to comment
TomboyMS Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Not replying to someones calls or text in an attempt to make them attracted to you is completely immature and rude. OP, she's done. She'll never go back to feeling the way she used to. If you hold out any hope that you'll get back together, you're going to just be wasting really valuable years of your life. She's an EX. He isn't obligated to reply to her or to be polite any more. Being the "friend" doesn't seem to work for many people as far as getting an ex back. Changing the way you interact with the ex needs to take place whether you want them back or not. I'm not saying he should waste years of his life waiting on this girl, but I believe it IS possible to rebuild attraction. I was only responding to the question he asked. Link to comment
TomboyMS Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Thanks for the response. Yeah she gets her way about most things, but I thought after 4yrs of exclusive dating, the intention was to be a supportive SO, and be available in case of emergency. Is this something that never changes through the course of dating/relationships? My dedication to my SO is/was infinite. In future relationships, would it be good advice to not give them that? Naive & confused over here.. Look around the forum. You should be able to find plenty of posts regarding attraction. Link to comment
dumPI Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 That has something to do with my thread: Everything starts with a thought But I also think that these thoughts, two weeks after BU, are not going to success. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.