Being Modest with yourself: More harm than good?

[Dougie_D]

I create a lot of high expectations on myself. I also feel like if certain things don't come "easy" to me, then it "wasn't meant to be." Because of that, I start to give up on things and start to not care. The expectations become lower and I get a feeling of dis-satisfaction of my abilities and my confidence level seems to go down.

 

Now, don't get me wrong. There are certain things in my life that I am working on. Such as getting in better shape and focusing on my songwriting.

 

Right now, I am also looking for a part time job because the "job" that I have right now is becoming not much of a "paying" job. I work with artists, musicians, and I have gone out to say I'm an "Artist Manger". Well, I'm not the type to glamorize the job title. I tell the truth about how much I would really be making and how hard it is on the road.

 

Then, if I have other friends tell other people to listen to song I wrote...well, because I always feel like it's not a perfect song... I will tell them it's just an O.K song before I play it or before they listen to it.

 

I feel like when I talk to people, because I'm so honest and even modest about my abilities, it seems unattractive and less confident. I would like to figure out how to keep myself from saying things that may cause the views of other people to be non associated with me.

[Alezia]

For myself, it is highly dependent on the relationship with the person. Some people are always very modest, but I find that boring.

 

Modesty to me is not really in the sense to talk down your abilities ex: Ok vs. Perfect as in your example; but simply just not talking about your ability period in a qualitative manner. You let achievements and facts speak for themselves, and let your client decide. Ex: I signed up 2 people, 2 people have won awards after signing up with me etc... they are all verifiable facts. Saying things like an 'ok' vs an 'excellent' is really subjective, and if you don't want to boast - it's better to leave it out completely.

 

That said, with the people I am closer to in a professional manner - I will say a bunch of absurd non-sense that will go on both sides of the scale. I'm either extra hot, or very incompetent. I tell this with a grain of salt just to poke humor at myself and have a good time. People I will use this on already have a good idea of my skills and knowledge.

[Dougie_D]

Some people are always very modest, but I find that boring.

 

You said it best. I need to stop being modest. Thanks.

 

I'm going to be in an EVE 6 video! I'm super STOKED!!! Hanging out with band and everything. I'm not lying this time!!! That's as modest as I can get too!!!!

[BritterSweet]

The view of modesty and even the definition of it may vary among cultures and even individuals. I'm descended from a culture where humility is valued, but also majoring in a career where confidence is needed.

 

As for whether modesty is unattractive...there are lines between respectable modesty, self-deprecation, and self-loathing. You can be humble and confident. Modest doesn't have to mean putting yourself down, it can simply mean not being an obnoxious blowhard. And a correction to your last post, you should be modest, just not be negative.

[CalonLan]

There's a difference between being modest and humble. You want to be humble, but never modest.

[BeatrixKiddo]

There's a difference between being modest and humble. You want to be humble, but never modest.

 

Can you elaborate what you mean? Because modest and humble are actually synonyms.

[CalonLan]

Can you elaborate what you mean? Because modest and humble are actually synonyms.

 

Humble as in not arrogant or prideful, and modest as in not being moderate in estimation of one's own talents, abilities, and value.

 

In other words, you should courageously ask everything you desire from life to be yours, but not bittch about it.

[BeatrixKiddo]

Humble as in not arrogant or prideful, and modest as in not being moderate in estimation of one's own talents, abilities, and value.

 

In other words, you should courageously ask everything you desire from life to be yours, but not bittch about it.

 

Thanks. And yeah, I agree!

[gingerlemon]

I really think it depends on the setting. There have been work related situations where I know I have been too modest for my own good. I generally value a humble attitude, but sometimes in professional settings it's important to put your abilities into plain view. In a social setting, though, I prefer to let people discover my qualities rather than present them.